The burnt haystack method

[Haystackhunting]

I have been implementing the haystack method where we literally do not allow our boundaries to be infiltrated. We stick to our standards.
As a result of which there appears to be absolutely fuck all left on the shelf.
So maybe I’m wondering if I’m being a little harsh. I’m starting to doubt myself
Latest one, we go straight away for a drink because I think there’s no point in messaging back back-and-forth once you’ve established that the circumstances align, it’s then about chemistry and looking for red flags
We have a drink. It’s very nice.
I fancy him a bit from what I can see and what I know feelings appear to be mutual
So then last night he phoned me up and he starts telling me about somebody else who is in my profession that he dated.
Apparently, couldn’t get a word in edgeways with this woman and he wasn’t allowed an opinion or an opinion that she didn’t agree with. And was quite angry.
The subject then somehow crept onto politics and he proceeded to angrily not shouted but certainly was extremely passionate, told me that I should never speak to him about politics because he’s intelligent and he’s educated on the subject. Seemed to be implying that he’d wipe the floor with me.
No, I couldn’t give a flying You know what about politics if I’m honest as long as he’s not a reform voter. Which he didn’t confirm or deny.
But I’ve properly got the ick
Is it just me?

Broadening your dating pool is just another term for dropping your boundaries.

If there are no men left, then so be it. Burned Haystack is about raising standards, not dropping them. There was recent debate over whether coffee dates were low-effort by the men.

Better to spend a few hours analysing profiles than wasting effort on a date.

What was the conclusion with regards to the Coffee dates?
I’m pretty reluctant to do so because they expect you to turn up as if you’re going for dinner, professional blow dry poured into a Jessica Rabbit dress, heels, full face.
For a quick latte in Nero
One was genuinely quite shocked. I turned up in my gym gear with a hoodie thrown over it. It was a drive-through Starbucks and we were stood outside trying to dodge the smokers. At his suggestion.

You sound like hard work to be honest, OP.

She really doesn’t.

Do I ? what makes you say that ?

God forbid I should only find men over 5 foot nine attractive and not want to be spoken to like shit, silly old me back in my box

Yeah, it's projection, isn't it? Like the guys who say on their dating profile "No drama", and everyone knows that they're the ones bringing the drama 😂😂😂

No, she has standards. And society doesn't like women who have standards.

Because then who's going to deal with all the emotionally stunted, entitled, lonely man children?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Mumsnet it’s to ignore every single post that starts with the words “You sound…”. They are 100% always either nasty, passive-aggressive, based on absolutely no foundation or fact, and are sometimes all three!

I can top that! Met a man in his 80s with dementia who claimed to have two primary aged kids, we all thought it was part of his dementia but actually turned out to be true! (They were not living with him)

That's exactly why I love a coffee date. I turn up exactly as I look every day, no fancy clothes etc. If they don't want that then we're obviously not compatible.

If we like each other then theres time for make up and dresses on a second date.

"I turn up exactly as I look every day, no fancy clothes etc. If they don't want that then we're obviously not compatible."

Right!

And the ones who don't want that are also going to be the guys who complain that women are fake and manipulating them with makeup and clothes and that they're gold-diggers. And what's really hilarious is that often those guys barely make an effort with their own appearance, their toilets are streaked with shit, they have no idea about how to hold a conversation with a woman (since they don't see women as humans), they don't know or care where the clitoris is, and they have no gold to dig anyway 😂

Yes, and I see that poster doing the same on other threads. Always some shitty sour comment.

What a nasty comment about your ex’s partner’s hair, OP! No need for that.

You’re right, it was just ironic

Well, you won’t believe the brass balls of him. He’s only popped back up again.
Telling me what a lovely weekend he had

B2B! :)

Glad you haven't given up quite yet, OP. Obviously give up with this particular guy, but there are some interesting, nice, reasonably attractive guys out there!

My instinct is not coffee. When I met my partner a little while ago, we met half way between where we lived so it was an effort to go there, I think at least a proper lunch date is the minimum I'd be prepared to go out for, but I did do quite a lot of upfront screening (BHDM and my own criteria, which is no kids under 18, has to have similar lifestyle to my own, text and sound intelligent on a phone call), interesting job. That way if I'm making the effort, it's for something which might have legs Can't be arsed to turn up for coffee to audition multiple men.

I like a lunch as it's not sexual, but you still have a nice meal if they turn out not that great! Plus you don't have to dress up up, but you can put your best foot forward. I had a lunch in a nice restaurant, coffee somewhere a bit nicer than your usual and then I thought-ok, this might work! But I'm mid-fifties and not starting out on a graduate salary and so might have different expectations. I wouldn't date someone who couldn't have a similar lifestyle to me as I'm looking for someone to enjoy that lifestyle, not like when I was younger and I was looking for babies/marriage/to build a life together from scratch.

More than happy to pay for myself for lunch I can put it down as a business expense worst case scenario 😜

"I like a lunch as it's not sexual, but you still have a nice meal if they turn out not that great!"

Not sure about this. If the guy is an oik, you can't escape quickly, because you have to order, eat, and pay. A friend of mine once endured 3 hours of dinner at a Chinese restaurant, where the guy kept ordering additional dishes while drinking, bloviating endlessly about himself, and ignoring her growing resistance: "No, I don't want egg foo young, I have to get home."

A quick coffee or an ice-cream in the park would probably be better as the very first meet-up.

It might make a difference that I have lots of really lovely coffee shops to choose from too. I'm not meeting anyway in a Costa 😂

I think that's an argument for being more assertive rather than against lunch. 😄

No way would I sit for 3 hours listening to some dude if I wasn't interested.

100% this ^^ - I had a date with a woman last year who was clearly not over her exh - for almost an hour she kept going on about how awful he was - longest hour of my life

That's when your phone vibrates and oh, sorry, something's come up and I have to go.

Or, side eye and "that's an awful lot I know about your ex, now what about you?"