Feeling guilty after splitting up, worried ex will struggle financially

[TheCalmSwan]

After a lot of lies and betrayal I have finally had enough and asked my partner of ten years to leave. He was in therapy to work on himself which his mum was paying for and I found out he was just pretending to go and it was the final straw.

he is moving out and I will stay in our rented house with the kids. He isn’t on a high income but won’t be entitled to any benefits where as I am on a part time wage and will get universal credit and maintenance money from him and child benefit.

I will financially be pretty much the same as I am now where as he will be left with nothing. I can’t help but feel terribly guilty about it, I know this is his doing but am I totally loosing the plot? I’m so worried about him and whats going to happen but I know I should just be worrying about myself as he’s no longer my problem but I can’t help it

Why exactly are you so worried about him?. When and where did this state start with you?. Did you for instance take on adult responsibilities as a child?.

Remember that he is not your responsibility and never has been. He can go and stay with his mother. The man could not even be bothered to attend therapy sessions that some other enabler apart from you (his mother) had paid for.

Do you think he feels guilt re how you and the DC here have been treated?. No not a bit of it.

Read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. It could help you no end.

@millymollymoomoo whats that got to do with anything I have just said? I work for the ambulance service as many hours as I can while my children are in childcare and barely make enough to cover their childcare bills and rent

I’d say it will be tough for him but he’ll figure it out and unless you want to live in the same house there’s nothing you can do . Take care op x

Was he taking the money for therapy off his mum and spending it?
If so, he's a lowdown grifter.

You don't need to feel guilty- it's the consequences of his own choices. Worry about yourself and the kids, he's a grown adult man.

Stop worrying about him, he'll be fine. Not your problem. He doesn't need you half as much as you (like to think) he does.

He's not your problem any more. He's a grown up and can look after himself. You aren't his mum.

You will have your hands full doing everything and reassuring your dcs.

Don't give him another thought. It sounds like his mum will take him in and feed him if he really is that hopeless.

How spiteful @millymollymoomoo hope you never find yourself in OP’s situation

Bit judgy. Made you feel good saying that, did it?

You obviously have no idea how difficult it is to find full-time work as a lone parent with dc when the more hours you work = the higher the childcare costs, which entirely wipe out the extra hours you are working.

“After a lot of lies and betrayal”

why are you so concerned about a man who has treated you this way?

i earn 3 times my ex I stayed in the family home and he left - he now has no job no home no prospects no money - nothing - I’m not particularly bothered. He had it all and threw it away

He's a grown man who is responsible for himself.

Agree with PP about codependency and the book she recommended. Codependency is not healthy.

Oh ive been there, its really tough.
He is where he is from his own choices, but i understand worrying because he has made you believe he cant help it. I guarantee you that the happiness you and your children will gain, will outweigh this. The amount of men who appear as if they wouldnt be able to cope on their own, who suddenly manage to get their shit together after the woman in their life stops holding everything up for them, is astonishing. The men who stay in dire circumstances forever are always there due to THEIR choices, not because a woman left them. He will not starve. He will not be homeless. Its in his hands what he does next.

Why are you worried about him, he clearly isnt worried about you and the kids

Dont work more than you have to - your kids need you sane and healthy

Leave him to it and focus on you and the kids x

Congratulations op. As others have said hes not a child and your not his mum.
Also you really are a moo millymollymoomoo

Did you mean to sound so rude ?

I very much doubt he'll be worried about you.
You need to concentreate on yourself. It is ok to be self focused on this occasion.