Trust and anxiety…..

Lifegoeson2025 · 2026-03-19T22:56:49+00:00

First posted on here almost a year ago under a different name. Husband of 10 years, together 17, suddenly left after a miserable year at home with me and the kids, 9 days later discovered he was with a girl from work, 10 years younger. Our little family destroyed. I cried so many tears… Fast forward almost a year and I have been seeing someone for 6 weeks, who is amazing. Kind, considerate and very understanding. He knows I have two children (15 and 10) and totally respects that. He makes me feel happy and totally worry-free. I have no reason not to trust him. He is straight-talking and always very open. However, over the weekend, I started to panic. The whole trust thing hit me and a knot filled my stomach. I didn’t eat for 2 days. I’ve felt anxious ever since. I do not doubt him at all, but I’m guessing that what my husband did to me has left me with trust issues. Will he leave me? Is this too good to be true? It’s that constant fear of my happiness ending. In my head, I have turned this into a massive thing, but I’m playing it down. I spoke to him briefly about how I felt and he totally understood why I would feel like that (because of what ex did). He’s amazing and has been so understanding. I have not mentioned it again as I don’t want to push him away or for him to think k I’m crazy, but the anxiety/fear is still there inside. I don’t want to destroy what feels so good between us, which is why I won’t mention it again. Had anyone experienced this! Any advice? What do you do with these thoughts? Xxx

Endofyear · 19/03/2026 23:23

Have you considered therapy? It's understandable that you find it difficult to trust after your past experience but it would be a real shame if you let your insecurities ruin a good relationship. It's really important that while you acknowledge these feelings and where they come from, that you keep a sense of proportion and remember that he has not given you any reason not to trust him.

EggplantSurprise · 19/03/2026 23:33

Endofyear · 19/03/2026 23:23

Have you considered therapy? It's understandable that you find it difficult to trust after your past experience but it would be a real shame if you let your insecurities ruin a good relationship. It's really important that while you acknowledge these feelings and where they come from, that you keep a sense of proportion and remember that he has not given you any reason not to trust him.

This. And also, OP, you’ve only been seeing this guy six weeks. You’re still only starting to get to know one another. If it’s causing you this much stress and anxiety already, and it’s nothing he’s doing, I don’t think you’re ready to date again.

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 19/03/2026 23:39

That knot right there is saying that; he's not right either. You want to be with someone, but your body is saying, hey, this isnt the right one,
Always listen to you

3luckystars · 19/03/2026 23:41

It’s because you are starting to like him, listen to those alarm bells and don’t doubt yourself.

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 19/03/2026 23:46

Endofyear · 19/03/2026 23:23

Have you considered therapy? It's understandable that you find it difficult to trust after your past experience but it would be a real shame if you let your insecurities ruin a good relationship. It's really important that while you acknowledge these feelings and where they come from, that you keep a sense of proportion and remember that he has not given you any reason not to trust him.

Thank you so much, you are absolutely right. Need to keep telling myself this xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 19/03/2026 23:47

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 19/03/2026 23:39

That knot right there is saying that; he's not right either. You want to be with someone, but your body is saying, hey, this isnt the right one,
Always listen to you

I appreciate your advice, but the know is nothing to do with him as a person. He’s great x

OP posts:

Everintroverte · 19/03/2026 23:48

I completely understand how you are feeling. My ex-husband cheated on me for 6 months, he asked for a trial separation about 4 months in and repeatedly denied there was anyone else. He told all our families and friends that I was paranoid and delusional, everyone was telling me he wasn't with anyone else but I just knew. He ended up coming clean when his girlfriend was pregnant. It was absolutely awful, I was doubting my own reality and being told that people were worried about me and my mental health because of my 'delusions'. I can honestly say that it broke something in me that I have never really been able to get back.

I'm in a relationship (now married) and have worked hard to rationalise what happened. I don't think I will ever trust another person 100% again but I do know that what ever happens I will be ok. I trust myself.

I went to therapy for a bit which did help so definitely worth a try and do talk to your boyfriend about it if / when the relationship develops. My DH is very understanding and supportive because he understands what happened in the past.

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 19/03/2026 23:49

@itsnotalwaysthateasy
Sorry, typos! Meant to say, he’s great so it’s definitely not anything to do with him and what he’s doing x

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 19/03/2026 23:50

3luckystars · 19/03/2026 23:41

It’s because you are starting to like him, listen to those alarm bells and don’t doubt yourself.

I agree! It feels so good and I guess it’s just that fear of losing it all x

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 19/03/2026 23:52

Everintroverte · 19/03/2026 23:48

I completely understand how you are feeling. My ex-husband cheated on me for 6 months, he asked for a trial separation about 4 months in and repeatedly denied there was anyone else. He told all our families and friends that I was paranoid and delusional, everyone was telling me he wasn't with anyone else but I just knew. He ended up coming clean when his girlfriend was pregnant. It was absolutely awful, I was doubting my own reality and being told that people were worried about me and my mental health because of my 'delusions'. I can honestly say that it broke something in me that I have never really been able to get back.

I'm in a relationship (now married) and have worked hard to rationalise what happened. I don't think I will ever trust another person 100% again but I do know that what ever happens I will be ok. I trust myself.

I went to therapy for a bit which did help so definitely worth a try and do talk to your boyfriend about it if / when the relationship develops. My DH is very understanding and supportive because he understands what happened in the past.

Sounds like you had an awful experience and I’m so sorry you went through that. Your new husband sounds amazing x
Thank you for your advice xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifegoeson2025 · 19/03/2026 23:55

EggplantSurprise · 19/03/2026 23:33

This. And also, OP, you’ve only been seeing this guy six weeks. You’re still only starting to get to know one another. If it’s causing you this much stress and anxiety already, and it’s nothing he’s doing, I don’t think you’re ready to date again.

Show quote history

I totally see where you’re coming from, but I think the trust thing will pop up whether I’m in a relationship now or in another years time. Sadly, my selfish, soon to be ex husband has left me with this fear of being abandoned. He thew me away. I’m expecting the worst again.

OP posts:

UpDownAllAround1 · 20/03/2026 02:50

After 6 weeks the guy will be thinking you are not ready to date. Therapy and self reflection needed

FrauPaige · 20/03/2026 03:19

How many dates have you had together in 6 weeks? It may be worth taking a step back, slowing it down a little so that the shared history and body of behavioural evidence needed to build trust has time to accumulate steadily.