Anyone have friends who make them think "they have it easy?"

[UnquietDad]

I know we never see the full picture, grass is always greener, etc. But I don't think this is uncommon.

Thinking of friends we see quite often in another part of the country, and like a lot and have known for years. Their 2 girls are about the same age as our DD & DS and we always enjoy visiting. But we always come away with the feeling that (as DW's mother says) "if they fell in a bucket of muck they'd come up smelling of roses."

They seem to have lurched with no game-plan from one set of fortuitous circumstances to another for about 15 years, without the wheels having come off the wagon yet.

They live in a lovely rural part of a very nice city - we are talking "stockbrokerish" prices. One of them is an academic and the other freelances, so how the hell they afford it I just don't know!! I know they bought their house at a good time, but then again so did a lot of people. And they've never had to venture more than a mile from their front door for work - it just seems to be that kind of place. No getting up at 6am to defrost the car, or travelling to a horrible place for work, or living in one for a couple of years.
It seems to be the kind of place where everyone knows everyone and does favours all the time. And they got their DDs into the local school with no trouble, even though some neighbours didn't.

It's odd - I can't decide what this feeling is. It's not envy exactly, as our life is fine. But maybe there is a whole story there and a whole load of suffering they haven't told us about? Or maybe some people are just really lucky?...

I'm going to get flamed now for saying people should have to endure a bit of annoyance to have a decent life. Aren't I? Go on, go on.

Also, probably to some people you might apear to have a 'charmed life'

everyone thinks my sister is living the high life, they are, but as miserable as sin.

Well, seriously, perhaps they're just lucky enough to live in the sort of place that's right for them and they're intelligent and work hard.

I can't say I know anyone like this, though.

I was exactly like that

but 3 months ago my husband left me for a 24 year old in his office.

Things happen when you least expect it

My sisters like that snora. always giving me updates on her shows and this that and the other is being done to the house. I just take it with a pinch of salt. I have by no means a extravagent lifestyle but i manage and am happy. I know the reason my sister does this though it goes by the name of my ds.

Message withdrawn

ouch whatevermaycome

I am always amazed at other people's perceptions of my life and my relationship. Maybe they are feeling the same about you, but i do understand what you mean and i think most people know a couple like that . Like the others have said you never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

countess. nail. head. naive and a bit silly to think otherwise imo.

also, there is some truth to the positive thinking thing. i think life can throw at you what you are open to receive iyswim. my mum is terribly negative in some ways and lo and behold, it would appear that the world is in fact out to make a pauper of her... but i know people who have every expectation that good will happen and funnily enough it does.

i think, uqd, that if you read the Tao of Pooh, youd find you were Rabbit. i'd like to be Pooh.

I know most folk do not swan through life and things happen to us all. But there are some that really do find their path in life easier than others, and so be it.

possibly the people who find their path is 'easy' are not the people who spend time/energy thinking about how easy other people have it. ones energies can be better channelled i think.

karma

I know some similar people and yes to the outside it looks fine and dandy, but actually the c*p they have to put up with from the lurrvely neighbours and the luurvely PTA people is so awful, and they don't like that bit at all. But I suppose their weekend vsitors don't ever see that, just the surface glossy bit. But I would love a month of their life to have a little try-out....

Comparing inside and outside is a good point. We know them quite well, though; I like to think that if there were any seriously crap stuff going on under the surface it'd be hard to hide.

I forgot to mention - they also seem to have about 5 holidays a year. This year alone they've had two in this country plus a city-break in Paris, and are heading off to Greece in the summer. And here we are, struggling for one!

You are jealous, I'm afraid- it simply oozes from your post!

Sometimes people do seem to have it easy, but sometimes it is a case of having made canny choices at the right time- I don't believe in luck- just maximising your chances.

And, as an older MN I can say that often these "perfect families" get their fair share of life's crap at some stage- no-one gets away in this life Scot-free- not that I'd wish it on anyone, but I have seen al ot of families struck by illness, redundancy etc and they seemed to have it all.

I have a very good friend I thought she had a charmed life.

Found out last year she's been suffering from crippling depression. Her parents are splitting up, dh has health problems etc etc etc

She thinks I have the charmed life.

Lesson learnt : they're ain't no such thing.

The grass is hardly ever greener.

I sometimes feel like that about everyone who isn't dealing with severe disabilities!

However the people I notice are the opposites really. The one's who have everything awful that could possibly happen to them happen. Through no fault of their own. I'm not going to say what on here but I have a friend who has lived through and is living through things that no mother, no family should have to deal with. Once was bad enough but she's getting a second load of shit that is beyond anything I could comprehend having to deal with. I few years ago her life appeared charmed, but the bottom fell out if several times over in the last few years. It is totally unfair. I do feel as though in her case, it's got to be someone else's turn now.

aw, jimjams!

but i see your point. having a child with SN and part of that is accepting that you'll need to have a pair of steel-toed boots to hand at all times because every now adn again you just want to kick something.

hard.

Two of my friends always made me feel like this. She would ask me how I get through all my dh's money, her's earnt the same, her dcs walked before mine (endless source of amusement) and one pushed mine around (that was funny too ) her husband always poured her wine first, laughed at her jokes, my dh poured her wine first too (out of manners), 'my dh would never speak like that to me', 'oh you two are funny how you argue'....... I would always leave thinking nher life is better than mine. Last year her dh left her with three very young children, you don't always get the full picture.
Incidentally many think I have a great life with no issues and think I tell (in RL) my dramas for entertainment!! I think this is because I wear make up and so must look like everything is so organised I even manage to put make up on!! Truth is it's the only thing I do do.

some people have it easy. Never have to struggle for the things they want/good things just happen to them. but...

When you've had it easy all your life, a hart time can hit you twice as hard, because you've never had to deal with hart times before.

I know exactly what you mean Unquiet Dad and know some people just like this. I can't really be green with envy about it because they are lovely people, but Oh for the life...

Without a doubt some people are dealt a seriously bad hand in life. But as for the majority of people, none of knows what goes on behind closed doors in other people's lives/marriages/families or whether things are really that easy for them. Perhaps they hide it well? Perhaps they don't moan about things that have gone wrong in the past? Perhaps they don't discuss their worries and concerns with friends?

Who knows?

"you are comparing your insides to their outside" - I love that.

Sunshine follows me around. I seem to lead a charmed life, overall. It's just day to freakin' day I have trouble with

Some people definitely have the knack of making the right lifestyle choices for them and don't get misled by other people's choices, or media lifestyle images, into thinking "the grass is greener".