Approaching 28, feeling alone with strained family and rocky relationship

[OneQuickCoralQuoter]

Hi, I am about to turn 28. I have 2 sons, 9 and 3. Eldest son went to live with his dad last year (I didn’t want him to) and I still have contact, 3 yo lives with me full time.

Family is non-existent. They live close by but aren’t interested. I’m treated like a burden whenever I have an issue I try to talk to them about. My mum overall is a very nasty, narcissistic person and everyone who’s ever met her only has bad things to say about her. We have a really strained relationship. My dad is busy working but also has a very laidback approach of ‘so what who cares’. I don’t have any aunties, uncles or cousins anymore as they fell out with my mum when I was young and I haven’t seen them since, dad was an only child. I have 2 siblings but one of them I don’t have a very close bond with, older sibling lives alone and has no desire to connect with anyone around him.

i don’t have friends. The only friend I thought I had has basically blown me off for her partner that she’s on and off with every 5 minutes.

I have DP, together for 5 years but the relationship is going through a very rocky patch and I’m unhappy.

I basically have nobody. My mum once said I’m ’hard To love’. I feel so down, worthless and wondering what is the point in carrying on when nobody loves me, but I’m very afraid of death so would never actually act on it.

i was recently in serious danger, the police escorted me to my mums house for the night and she wasn’t bothered, all she has done since is have a go at me for waking her up in the night, no worry for my welfare or the event whatsoever. My dad didn’t even answer his door or phone.

How am I ever supposed to be happy with no family and no friends? Is my life worthless? I have nobody to turn to when my life is falling apart. Just wondering if anyone in a similar position has any advice. Feeling incredibly low. Thanks.

I don’t, I’m a SAHM, currently working on setting up my own business though. I had friends in school/college and friends at previous jobs but no longer in contact with any of them.

Oh op this made me sad ,
You need to get out and join some groups, coffee mornings, toddler groups with little one, when are you planning on going back to work,

You need to work on uou op, of course the comment ' hard to love ' is nasty, why your mum would say that says more about her than you,
You do need to love you first, its ok to be alone, you don't need a relationship op , ditch the boyfriend its not making you happy so let it go ,
Do some volunteering at the nursery or play groups something to get you out,
Walking groups , exercise classes anything you can join, have a look at local FB page see what's on offer,

Me and DP are usually very good and strong and there has been countless times he’s offered support where my family haven’t. I’m hoping to fix the relationship between us especially as DS would be devastated if his dad left and I already have one broken family

I know DP would be happy to take DS for me while I got myself out and did things. I think finding some new friends would be helpful but my family have made me feel so unbearable to be around I worry everyone else would feel the same way

I think you need to concentrate on taking action to feel better in yourself first. That comes from within. I agree with the poster who says that you should shelve setting up your own business for now, and get a job that involves a workplace with colleagues. Good for your self-esteem, finances, gets you used to being around people again, and potential friendships.

You need to shelve the one man band business for now and get back into a workplace where you can see other people.

Please also consider seeking therapy re your toxic mother. It’s not your fault she is the ways she is and you did not make her that way. She’s the unloveable one, not you.

You're no longer a child, so you can think for yourself in that you're a valuable person worthy of being treated well. What your mother thinks is irrelevant. Read books on how to build your self-worth.

People will enjoy your company if you're pleasant, have an interest in their lives, and when you share interesting things about yourself. Do avoid too much of pity-party talk.

Just because your mother isn't in contact with your aunties and cousins doesn't mean you couldn't reach out to see if they are interested in reconnecting with you. Even if it doesn't pan out, I believe trying is better than throwing ones hands up in the air in defeat. But if blood isn't your answer to social connection, as said by others, it's up to you to join a Mommy and Me group, or a hobby where women get together for camaraderie. Some libraries have events for tiny tots and that's a good opportunity to be around other Moms just for fun chat. And yes, do look into childcare attendant jobs. Some centers give free or discounted tuition to your child if you work there. It'd be a start until your child starts school and you can think about what career you really want and work toward that.

What are the issues you have with your bf? Do you live together?