Lack of time in new relationship … how to navigate please

[stanper]

We’re seeing each other for the last month. Dinner, coffee, lunch, walks and our first sleepover last night . Interest is mutual and we get on like a house on fire. However, we are both really busy as primary carers and full time workers. We plan to spend another two days and night away together again on Friday week. We are in our fifties.
Eventhough We are crazy busy , it seems unsettling that we will not spend much time other than a couple of hours together going for a walk or a coffee between now and then which is ten days . We live an hour away from
one another and realistically this is what I’ve actually wanted for myself as my kids are teens! Now that I have it , it feels a bit weird as I’ve been married before and any partner I’ve had lived nearer me.
Am I being pushy here or ungrateful or are my expectations too high ?

No I haven’t but he is busy with his stuff and I’m busy with mine so I don’t know why I feel like this. Our families come first of course but even though, we’ve plans made for months before we met with our own families and friends, it feels so weird and a bit lacking .
maybe it’s something new I need to get used to in order for it to develop.

Anyone in a living apart together relationship and how does it work with distance and responsibilities please?

Sometimes I have more, sometimes he does but as a rule, we’re both time poor.

We’ve seen each other twice per week . For coffee for a couple of hours once per week and then a dinner/ meal date and a walk / day out once per week also .

I was with my partner for 4 years and didn't live together, he used to come to mine. We both have children. We saw each other Wednesday's after work, went out for food. All other times it was as and when. Was okay for me and I'm the same age as you.

Neither of us want any introductions or involvement with each others kids for various reasons but thanks for response. It’ll probably be as and when.

I think at the beginning of a relationship this can feel really hard because it's the time when you would normally/ideally be connecting a lot. No advice really, sounds like you need reassurance from him perhaps?

I’m asking if I’m being mentally pushy, sorry! I haven’t discussed this with him yet but we are seeing each other exclusively

I'm in my 50s and in a similar relationship. It takes some getting used to. Last time I was dating I was in my 20s and if you clicked with someone you'd pretty much move in with each other. So I think this is difficult especially at first but it does get more easily as you get more used to them.

We have been together 18 months now and he lives 40 mins drive away. We meet in the middle for dates during the week and then I go to his flat and stay over one night a week at the weekend or we go away for a mini break in a hotel somewhere.

I understand, I have been dating a chef for the last month and I find it so difficult the lack of time we have together, to the point where I am wondering if I want to do this

My last relationship (both in 50’s) we lived an hours drive apart and had completely different work patterns. He worked midday til about 11pm 4 days a week and I did 8-4 5 days do we only saw each other weekends.
That worked for me tbh. It’s working out how you make things work for you both

Im
trying to figure out how to word the conversation about expectations in between dates. I recognise that we will only be able to see each other maybe twice a week it it’s the comms during that time I want to address . As it stands, we text daily and have a phone conversation about once per week. I’m afraid of being too full on too soon as we are seeing each other such a short time and I’m so out of practice and out of the dating scene for such long years .

I'm in a living apart together relationship - have been for five years. It is hard sometimes as you miss them when you don't see them. But, mostly it works beautifully. You really enjoy the time you have together, and have independence, autonomy, and time for your kids etc the rest of the time. We do text and chat most days though.

We are so new and I don’t want to be needy because this is what I really wanted!! This is all I can offer too ! Maybe with time we’ll move to that level of it goes well .

Completely understand.

Ours has been very much a negotiation because my partner is just not a texter and he really doesn't text with anybody so he's had to make accommodations to make sure that I don't feel neglected basically. Which he has done to be fair

Personally, that all sounds fine to me and in fact quite great! Twice a week is a fair amount for a month into a relationship I think. Of course it is all about what you need and want as an individual, but I don't think there is anything wrong per se with this set up, and no doubt things will intensify as time goes on, if you both want them to.

You can never be full on for the right person. I'm currently in a very similar situation. Brief meetings once or twice a week, some weekends with a sleepover. But I set expectations from the very start - daily communications and I prefer phone calls to texts. So we call. Every day. Sometimes twice a day. It works really well and distance doesn't make quite so much difference.
If he said no to this, I'd be happy to let him be from about date two because he wouldn't be able to meet my needs. And yes, there is always a risk of that but it doesn't mean you need to compromise.

For what it's worth, my mum and her partner have been living an hour apart for the last 15 years. She works shifts and when she has a day off, she comes over to his. Even when he is at work, she is around so they can have an evening and a night together. They are both near retirement now and I am actually curious to see how they are going to manage spending more time together.

I think I’m gathering from this is that you’re feeing insecure.

It’s literally been a few weeks of dating. Seeing him twice a week is perfectly normal as is a brief chat / few messages a day.

just take a step back metaphorically and give the budding relationship a chance to breathe - there’s no need at this point in bringing anything up if you’re getting on well

I have been in a long distance relationship for 4.5 years (3.5 hours drive apart). This is never what I would have chosen had I been without other ties but I have no choice. I am a full time parent to a boy with additional needs who would not tolerate another person moving in or even spending much time in our house. Childcare is very limited.

I met my partner by accident and at first it seemed impossible - maybe a night or two per month, often three weeks between times. We have gradually built a strong relationship against all odds. My partner is very independent and enjoys being able to see friends and has loads of other social commitments. He was married for 23 years before me and sees this as a time to find himself in a way. I have found the distance and limitations on our time harder than him, but my son makes anything else impossible anyway - and I'm grateful that my partner is happy with the set up.

As my son has got older and his other parent has started seeing him more, I have more time to spend with my partner and the arrangement has definitely got easier over the years.

We talk most days. I know he loves me. I totally trust him. We have plans to live together in maybe 5 years when my son is 18-19 but it's so far away that it's difficult to plan.

Lots of advantages - amazing sex. It's exciting every time we see each other. I have lots of time for my family and son and friends. I don't have another responsibility weighing me down in my partner - he is the opposite of needy. I never have to worry about him. He has definitely enhanced my life and opened up new social circles and ideas. He's very different to me.

I really hope we spend many years living together in the end but in general I see this as a lovely interval period.