My DH (35) and I (37) have been together 10 years, married 6.5, with two very young children (both under 3).
Since I was pregnant with our second, he’s become increasingly distant — barely spending time with me, snapping when we do interact, and just generally “off.” I finally confronted him last weekend and he said he’s been unhappy for around 18 months.
He says he feels like he’s been on autopilot in our relationship — that I had a “plan” (marriage, kids) and he’s just gone along with it, and now feels like he’s suddenly woken up. He’s also said our communication is poor and that this is a red flag. While I accept communication hasn’t been great, I’ve honestly tried to have those conversations over the years and often felt shut down.
Since everything came out, we’ve been spending more time together and even went away to try and talk things through. For context, I haven’t been away from the baby since he was born and I’ve also been dealing with PPD.
He says he does love me, but doesn’t know if it’s ever been “enough,” which I found incredibly painful to hear. He also admitted he had been debating walking out on me and the children, which has completely shaken me.
We’re due to start couples counselling next week, which he has agreed to, but he still says he doesn’t know what he wants.
I’m struggling to understand how, with two small children and a life together, he can feel so unsure about even trying to make it work — especially when he says he loves me. I also feel a lot of guilt about his “autopilot” comment, even though I never forced him into marriage or having children.
Has counselling helped anyone in a similar situation? What should I realistically expect from it?
TL;DR: DH says he’s been unhappy for 18 months, feels he went along with marriage/kids on autopilot, and isn’t sure what he wants. Says he loves me but maybe it’s not enough and even considered leaving. Starting counselling next week — can it help?