....Because no matter what you do or how much you have gone out of your way to help them over the years nothing you do is good enough and your younger sibling (who does a lot less to help) is always and has always been the favourite.
How do you deal with that?
Even at 53 it hurts so much to know my father favours my sister even though I never gave my parents any hassle yet my sister, his favourite, has been a nightmare since childhood and in adulthood had an affair with a married man of 4 and when he left his 3 kids and pregnant wife my father welcomed him to the family with open arms and even bought him a cheap car and found him a cheap rental property because he left home with nothing and yet I've been with my husband since we were 16 and he has been a great loyal partner and father (my DC are my parents only GC) and helpful sul but it still feels as though my sister's partner is always the better one in my father's eyes and I have no idea why that is.
I've genuinely done so much for my parents since my dear mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 8 years ago and have run myself ragged from the stress of watching my lovely, kind and caring mother being slowly eating away from such a wicked disease but not once has my father ever thanked me or even acknowledged the pain I'm also going through (he doesn't even really acknowledge that it's poor mum who's brain is being wrecked by such a dreadful disease, it's always about how the disease has affected HIM). He spends all his time telling everyone how crap his life is despite being in great health all his life (I've had chronic health issues for years). He has never had many responsibilities, for decades he has always had money due to a large inheritance from my mum's parents and never once had any caring responsibilities for his own parents, they died quickly in old age. He tells anyone who will listen how he never envisaged his 80's would be dealing with the curse of mum's dementia and he had big plans for his 80's and mum's illness has just ruined it all yet he also chose to spend his 60's and 70's (the time he should have spent leisurely with his wife) aeither on the golf course or out on his motorbike. An only child, pampered by his own mother, enabled by my poor mother (I've only recently come to that conclusion) and living a golden life. He even bought just what he wanted with part of my mum's inheritance (a new car, the new motorbike and his weekly visits to the golf course), he even went Australia on the money and dragging mum there even though she is terrified of flying (she even needed medical help at the airport due to the stress of it). All because it was his 'dream' and what HE wanted. I can't recall mum treating herself to anything with her money and even now he bemoans anything suggested to make mum's life easier by saying HE is spending out enough as it is (yet they'd have very little savings if it hadn't been for my mum's inheritance as he got next to nothing from his parents as they had little to leave).
He's always been self centred but it hasn't ever been an issue up until 2020 as he was content not doing just what he wanted but since mum's dementia took hold and he actually had to put in place some of his marriage vows (in sickness and health and all that jazz), he's turned into a miserable old man who feels his ship is sinking and seemingly wants to take everyone down with him.
If it's wasn't for my mum, my best mate and one of the loveliest people you could wish to meet (all the carers tell me this too) then I'd not go round as much as I do as he inwardly angers me so much.
Regardless of the above I do actually love him but I really find it hard to like him and find little to like which is all a bit of a head fuck tbh - how can you love someone but not like them? I've tried counselling to gain some understanding but it didn't help and I can't say anything to anyone's face as I'll always look like the bad guy so I just have to inwardly seethe.
Has anyone had this kind of relationship with a parent and how did you cope with it?