Stories of being happier after divorce?

[Needinghopeandpeace]

Sorry I know this has been done to death but I have exhausted all the old threads.

My husband left me at the weekend after 18 years together, 10 married. He had an affair which I found out about last year after it had already ended. We had a good period trying to reconcile for a few months but he became increasingly distant/checked out and, when pressed on what was wrong, he said he didn’t think the marriage could be saved now that I knew about the affair. I honestly don’t think the affair is continuing. I know it’s probably the right decision but I am devastated.

Can you prop me up with any stories of how much better your life was after divorce?

I walked out on my first husband after 27 years, as the marriage had run its course.

Then I met another man and had nothing but happiness, until he died.

I’ve never regretted my divorce for a moment - it was the start of my happy life. 👍

Yes he had an affair and we split when kids were 3 and 5. The divorce was horrific and took nearly 2 years and he was an absolute nightmare trying to say I was mental / using kids to get at me etc.

in the past two years we’ve got to a stage we can chat / have a laugh / help each other out.

the minute he was gone I was less stressed / could do what I wanted / wasn’t treading on egg shells all the time.

the kids are happy and thriving, I’ve re-started all the hobbies I loved before we got together, I have decent quality time without kids to look after myself / head space.

im so glad it happened.

i dated tons and have finally met someone lovely, we have a long distance relationship which suits me for now, I can be present for my kids / have time to myself / have time with my OH.

you will get there but it is a long and painful path. I’ve grown so much emotionally.

i read lots of books recommended on here such as Lundy Bancroft “why does he do that”

best of luck

Got divorced last year after finding out my husband had been having a fling over the course of 6 years, it was devastating but I'm so happy now, even met someone and I'm absolutely happy as larry. You will have ups and downs but your life will be better without a cheat x

My marriage ended 10 years ago due to ex wife's affair with a good friend of ours. I'd even confided in him that something wasn't right and he was supportive towards me.

Take some time, have some fun and things will be better. I now have a good social life, friends (which I didn't before) and am engaged to a lovely woman

I left my husband after 24 years married. He was caught having an affair to someone I was very close to.
I moved 200 miles away to avoid all the drama.
I was so unhappy
Then 10 months ago I met the kindest soul and life has turned so much.
I realise from my new relationship we stayed together for the kids, and actually, he was pretty horrible to me for the last 15/20 years

Its both - brilliant and awful!

Awful:

• Lost friendships
• Financials (having to manage bigger mortgage on my own) - as we are both running a house each it means less for the kids
• Only having kids half the time
• Having to deal with other parent occasionally to sort out date changes
• Xmas/birthdays
• Just a feel of being let down (together 20 years but no attempt to fix it - but in all honesty it was probably doomed)
• She has given her twisted version of events to people we know (luckily she is showing the same behaviour to my 15yo DD so she understands I was not the bad guy)

Good:

• Dating was fun
• Travel more
• House is as I want it, my decor, my pics, a lot cleaner too!
• No dealing with abusive behaviour towards me
• Have realised what a good relationship looks like
• Feel much happier in myself - I did not have a drink problem but notice I am drinking much less, exercising more, better self esteem. Even silly things like photos of me from 5 years ago to now - I have a natural smile now!

I always put my kids first so the fact they will miss out annoys me, and I would have sacrificed my life short term to wait until youngest was 18 before leaving. But overall I am happy and there is light - but there will always be things that make you feel awful. Christmas for me is the biggie, used to love it but now I do not look forward to it).

My user name says it all. 😀😀😀
Exh was contemptuous of me -affairs etc, but I waited till the kids were at uni to leave as it would have been a complete nightmare dealing with sdivorce while they were doing exams.
He tried everything to destroy me financially and destroy my confidence and is very bitter that I am happily free.
Was an awful toxic divorce as he was hiding money and got very nasty Rottweiler lawywers etc, partly fuelled by OW who was desperate to get her hands on the money. He forced through the divorce absolute before the financial settlement was done so cost a fortune in legal costs.
Hugely stressful but luckily my job and friends kept me sane.
Found my dream house (tiny compared to the marital home but I just love it.
Fantastic social life (ex was very anti social) Lots of hobbies and holidays.
Met two really good men (sequentially) /had a two year relationship with the first one and now very happily in one year (so far) with the second. Both met in RL -would never have found them on apps
Am so much happier, look better, am fitter and slimmer.
It is a slog, and you are only at the start so be wishing you well and hope you get the sunny uplands soon 💐💐💐

MIL divorced in her 60s after 40 years of marriage. As a v old lady, she once told me the last third of her life had been much happier than the previous 2/3rds.

Knowing my FIL, I can well believe it.

My dad left my mum for another woman after 34 years of marriage; they both lived for another 25 plus years. Around that statement is a huge cloud of Other Stuff That Happened, but fundamentally they both had better lives being apart. My mum in particular was MUCH happier and also met the love of her life - there’s no guarantees with that and the relationship was very complicated, but even if she hadn’t met him she would still have been happier.

Seize the day! A lot of the time, a life that feels happier can be at least partly a decision you make. 💐

My second husband is so much better than the first!

I honestly didn’t expect so many thoughtful and encouraging responses.

I am struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I will need to sell my ‘forever’ home and the life that I thought I would have is all gone. It even feels like the life I had up until now was all a bit of an illusion.

BUT reading about your experiences and how life improved for you all after divorce has really lifted my spirits more than you probably realise.

Thank you.

I was devastated at the thought of selling our family home so can really understand how you feel but I'm now looking at places that will be all mine and I'm sad at all anymore about the house, glad to see the back of it to be honest :)
Honestly you will be absolutely fine, it may not feel like it now but you really will xxx

I understand about the home.
I chose our home and made it ‘home’ and made an amazing garden that I sat in most evenings.
But - found an entirely different place with tiny garden but best location. I won’t drive past my old house as would be to upsetting, but choose to in the happy present and not feel on the past.

1000% better. My husband walked out, out of the blue, I had no idea he wasn't as content as I was. He was seeing somebody else which I later discovered. At the time I was devasted and it took me a while to sort myself out. But I now realise we were not good together and this happened for the best. My life wouldn't be what it is now without that happening to me.

I have had so much fun in the last 4 years! Had no idea there were pubs with music. Boyfriend 1 interested me to a whole new world of social existence/dancing/fun.
Boyfriend 2 is totally different -introduced me to a whole new world of history and culture and sport.
I am so enriched by new experiences that I never would have had b in my old life.
Please do embrace the new and unexpected.

It will be hard right now, but I have not met a single divorced woman who was not utterly delighted to be out a few years down the line. I am five years out of a long/unhappy marriage, and I have never been happier. After years of misery and diminishing self-esteem, I am now the person I used to be and with a lovely, kind man. No more walking on eggshells, no more tension/stress at home, etc. Much love, security, comfort and laughter. It can happen - with or without another partner, life has much to offer. Keep an eye on that light at the end of the tunnel! Hugs.

I had this too. A close friend and neighbour who I was confiding it. It’s brutal

So most people here seem to have found happiness with other people which is fantastic. For a while I thought I wanted this too but I just wallow in glorious peace. I love everything about being on my own which I never ever thought I would. I don’t tend to say this much to people irl because I worry it sounds like I’m just saying it but honestly I absolutely love it. I have not a single bad or sad thing to say about being on my own.

you will get there but it is a long and painful path. I’ve grown so much emotionally.
This sums it up perfectly. I had a horrible divorce after I found out my exH had been cheating on me (there's a theme here isn't there?) I spoke to a solicitor, he went ballistic and said it was war. He wasn't kidding, it was the worst time of my life and took me a good couple of years to get over. But I did get over it, and am now in a long term relationship with a really good guy. I'm 100% happier now.

2.5 years post separation /1.5 post divorce here (husband left for a work colleague) and definitely life is much much better. There’s an emotional rollercoaster in separation that is really hard but for me it also exposed clearly that what I thought was an essentially ok marriage was actually miserable. I had no idea how unhappy I was until I was out of it and living on my own terms. I’ve moved to a different area (kept the same job but mostly wfh) and feel really proud of myself for starting over and making a happy life for myself.

I joined OLD out of curiosity, met one person for a coffee and we are still seeing each other more than a year later. I was very happy to stay single and still have no intention of living with someone ever again but it’s been fantastic to experience a loving and caring relationship after so long in an unfulfilling marriage (not to mention amazing sex, which I thought was something that would never happen again at my age!)

Divorce is hard, there’s no getting around it. It raises all sorts of tough feelings and realisations. But it also creates amazing new opportunities for happiness. You are in the very first stage of shock but the fact that you are even asking this question at this point means you will definitely find a happy future. Don’t put pressure on yourself to have that immediately- there are ups and downs to go through, unfortunately. But start thinking about what kind of life you really want and what your husband / marriage has prevented you from doing. You might be surprised at what you actually want, when you are free to choose it without considering someone else.

nice to hear positive stories… though they are all from people who have met someone else… I haven’t and am not so positive about it all.

good luck op. I suppose you have no choice but to make a good life as he has left . Power to you. It’s hard.

My husband also had an affair and I was single for 5 years. Once I had processed the heartbreak I had never felt more at peace as I realised how much anxiety he brought me. He did me the biggest favour tbh!!!

That sounds positive. How did you get to that place with your ex? Where you can laugh and joke with him. I would love that… for the kids sake…. But I can’t joke with the person who treated me so so badly. I smile and say hello at handover but couldn’t manage anything else. Have you forgiven him? Would you spend time with him? I am so impressed by people who move past this stuff. Does your ex think it’s ok how he treated you as now you have forgiven him?

I haven't read all the responses, but it sounds like the decision is made. It will take time for you to grieve and that's ok and healthy.

My life isn't what I'd hoped for when I got married, but it's better than what it would have been if I'd stayed in an unhappy relationship. It is peaceful. I make my own decisions.

I have a small house that needs oodles doing to it that I probably won't get round to, but it is home.

My marriage was abusive so not the same, but I think some of the same advice could apply. I was encouraged to get back into little things that connected me with who I am. Music I love, food I like, all those little things. A lot of women lose themselves in a marriage. Try and connect with the things you love, in a small way.

A weird realisation I had about the life I was grieving was an awful lot of the bits in the marriage/life I had were from me anyway....and I took those with me.

It’s been 9 years since we split so firstly I guess time is a healer. I’ve had therapy and I don’t want to let him take up negative space in my head.
mainly we can get on becuase he’s stopped being such a dick, maybe he’s happier now I’m not sure. I think he’s realised that if we get on we can help each other out and be flexible.
its a miracle we can get on now because we literally hated each other I couldn’t even look at him.