I need advice please, am I overthinking this? Dp and possible crush.

[IsMyAnxietyToBlame]

Me and Dp have been together 15 years. There’s a girl he knew from years before he met me. I’m not sure how they know each other, possibly work related. I’ll call her Chloe.

A few times when they have stopped to say hello in the street I’ve noticed dp get embarrassed and awkward. He never does any other time. Once I picked him up on getting embarrassed and he denied it. Since then I’ve started having concerns.

A celebrity has recently come into the spotlight and Dp has become a fan. All was good until he made a passing comment that this celebrity looks like Chloe. My heart sank a bit when he said that as in my opinion, this celebrity is beautiful. She looks nothing like Chloe, same hair style maybe? It makes me think dp sees Chloe as someone really beautiful and glamorous. He has been watching lots of videos about this celebrity.

Now, when I’m led in bed I can recall other times he’s talked about Chloe and I’ve either not been bothered or not realised who he was referring to. He’s actually done it quite a bit throughout the years.

I really need to talk to him about how this is making me feel but don’t know how. Please any advice is appreciated. How can I bring this up? I wish I’d said something when he made the celebrity comment but at that time I didn’t realise he would them become somewhat obsessed with this celebrity.

Like my username says, I don’t know if this is just my anxiety either. I tend to get worked up about things so not even sure if this is a big deal.

If you've been together 15 years and he's talked about Chloe or the celebrity she looks like all that time, he isn't going to change now.

How is the rest of your relationship.

I'd have left someone like that a long time ago - mentionitis is tedious,

The relationship is feeling strained because of this. I need to talk to him about it so he knows how I feel and see what happens from there

Chloe .. he doesn’t message her, meet her, or have any sort of relationship with her other than when you bump into her.

You have decided he seems uncomfortable when he sees her, and have interpreted this in a way he denies. Any reason why you don’t believe him, is he generally untrustworthy?

As for the Celebrity .. why does it worry you ? Do you think he’s mooning over Chloe, whilst watching her ? Or maybe he just appreciates this woman as an artist.

So what if he thinks someone looks like her, do you think he’s going to run away with her ? If they felt remotely attracted to each other they would have got together in the first place.

You seem intent I’m creating a situation out of very little.

That’s what I’m worried about, my anxiety creating a bigger problem than what is there. This is why I’m struggling to bring it up with dp incase I’m overthinking.

I wouldn’t like it either op
weird for him to have held this crush for so long given he seldom sees her

I’m not sure what you hope to gain from the conversation. It sounds like he thinks this woman is attractive and possibly does have a crush on her. So either he confirms that (which presumably would not be nice to hear) or he denies it. Would you believe him if he denied it? If he doesn’t see this woman aside from occasionally bumping into her in the street then I can’t see what else he can do. We can’t help who we find attractive. It doesn’t mean he wants to be with her.

Why not just be direct?

”I’ve been thinking about what you said about Celebrity looking like Chloe, and it got me to thinking about how much you’ve mentioned Chloe over the years. Do you hold a flame for her?”

A straightforward question to which he can just say “no” but if he gets flustered you can follow up with “You get like this when you talk to her, which is part of why I’m asking”.

OP lts hard to tell if it's your anxiety but do you usually feel insecure about your DP if he comments on a celebrity or someone he thinks is attractive? Does he also compliment you and show you he finds you attractive too? What is he like generally, have you ever had any reason to doubt him before?

How often does he “bump” into her? See that’s the part I’d be deeply suspicious about, I live in a tiny village near a small town and have little know but bumping into the is something that happens every year maybe? It seem weird this is something that even happens. Does he work with her, live near her? What’s the connection.

How old is your DP ?
Because to tbh he must be quite immature to become a fan of some celebrity and mooning over her and this ex gf makes him sound like some love sick teenager

You can't get inside his head and change his mindset but this lusting and romanticising after other women would make me see him differently and I would lose respect for him.

You certainly shouldn't think badly of yourself. Perhaps you should be telling him to grow up and appreciate the woman he has before he loses her instead of living in a fantasy world.

Isn’t he a bit old to have a crush on a celebrity.