Why is one partner just not enough for some people?

[FFSPenelope]

My partner or STBXP was messaging another woman last night in front of me and it didn't look good. For various reasons I have to hold my tongue for now. I have been nothing but a decent, loving supportive partner and I feel he has shit upon me from a great height. I'm not perfect obviously but the complete lack of respect just astounds me. I asked him out right if he wanted to date other people just let me know. This comes after last week accusing me of cheating and his evidence against me was pitiful! I'm not cheating btw.

I'm not really after advice on the situation but why do some people (not necessarily men!) feel the need to have others on the back burner. Am I not enough? Just feeling ranty and gutted to be truthful.

I think some people just can’t see much further than their own gratification. Why put in the slog and effort of a long time relationship when you can have something new and exciting? It’s awful and shit but I think some people are just that, awful and shit. It’s never the question of “am I not good enough?” you could be the hottest woman on earth but for some, after a few years you’d be boring

I’m sorry OP, hope you get out and find happiness soon

It is mostly men. Firstly because they love their egos being stroked and any attention from another woman bolsters their own opinion of being a "proper catch". Secondly because most of them can't resist sticking their dicks in another fanny. And lastly they see it as a conquest and sometimes their actual right as a man.

I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him until he shat on me at Christmas, just after NY and again now. I'm in a good position but fuck me, this was completely unnecessary. He could have just told me and I would have just moved on myself. I'm not interested in causing a fuss, I'd just like to know. Well obviously I do now, but he could have been honest when I asked several times.

Sorry, what an absolute shit

very often they won’t say anything because they’d like to keep their options open, you’re something good and stable to fall back on. I’m glad you’re in a good position but that obviously doesn’t help with the emotional fall out. Like I said, it’s not a you problem, it’s a “let me throw my dick around” him problem

@Iamsotiredandfedup thank you.

It's such a lack of moral compassion whilst pretending to be "the good guy". When in reality he's shown how completely self centred and selfish he is and I come pretty far down the list of priorities. Tbh I doubt I even make it on it, or I do, but only for what he can gain.

@FFSPenelope oh they have to be the good guy, always!

That’s a horrible feeling, being low down/non existent on someone’s priorities, no one deserves that and I’m glad you know you’re worth more. Whenever I’ve been cheated on (plenty of times now 😂) it’s always the disappointment that stings, like “oh you as well?” There’s just unfortunately a lot of shits out there

how long have you been together?

Why is one partner not enough for most animals?

Because they’re emotionally unavailable and can’t commit to a proper relationship. They’re just interested in sex and have to pretend to be normal to get it. At some point the mask slips.

@Iamsotiredandfedup three years. Life together set up and now it is just gone. He isn't the person I thought he was. And yes it is the disappointment of "oh you as well". It's tedious. I can't even feel that upset yet, it just feels like another string, I'll add with the rest on the "shit relationship" bow.

I hear you @FFSPenelope I also have a fair few strings on that bow. I’m really happy now though after 6 years with someone who (touch wood) isn’t a shit head. I’ve also been really happy on my own, peacefully living my life and having the odd bit of fun when I fancied it. However things turn out for you it’ll be better than this

3 years is a lot of time spent on someone who’s turned out to be unrecognisable. I’m sure the feelings will catch up with him, even if he has to bury them

@Iamsotiredandfedup thank you for your kindness tonight. I really needed to hear it. I'm glad things are working out for you now. I'm doing everything I can to keep going.

@ForTipsyFinch I think you're right too and I feel a fool for falling for that crap. The promises which have just been shattered all for what? Sex? Emotional security? The safety net I bring to the table. Of those I'm almost certain too.

@Notmymarmosets I just can't buy into that, have the decency to at least let me go and tell me the truth. But yes I get the sentiment!

Don’t feel foolish - I’m pretty sure nearly every woman here has had a situation like this. I certainly have. There’s far too many of these men around, unfortunately.

Because they can and because people let them. Nobody will find out, but they do, one day he'll change but he never does.

Plus the classic this time itll be different.....