Frequent rows with my single mum and little support, what can I do?

[WorthyBear]

Hi.
I don't know if I've put this under the correct topic, and if I've done it wrong, I do apologize.
I'm 17 years old, and I have a single-parent mum. I'm an only child, and my dad is a married man who had an affair with my mum. Me and my mum fight a lot. I think the older I get, the less I want to be patient with her. Shes gone through family stuff and health problems and there's no external family support aside from my uncle but he only ever agrees with my mum and doesn't even try listening to me. She tries her best with me. We live on the poverty line (I'm talking free school meals since I'd started school, universal credit, I currently have a 16-18 government bursary, and I'm trying to figure out how I am going to afford uni) and she's now working overtime cus Dad stopped supporting us. Point is, we fight a lot over lots of things, about how she shouldn't have had me knowing I wouldn't have a dad and she can't afford a child, how she doesn't listen to me or respect my privacy (she'll watch me in changing rooms when we go shopping and she'll just walk into my room occasionally and i'm not allowed to have my door closed unless I'm sleeping) and sometimes she just goads me into a fight if ive come home stressed or overwhelmed or if i feel sick. Recently ive started trying for an endometriosis diagnosis. I've struggled for years but she never took me to the GP so i had to ask my biology teacher how to book an appointment cus i didnt know how to do that. She's very mean to me about it, she has Crohn's and rheumatoid arthritis and she always seems to have this need to struggle worse ??? At the minute we've had this big fight cus I'd just come home from a long day at college and she was immediately asking me to do lots of things while i was taking off my shoes and i got very angry and yelled at her cus i just wanted a minute to myself and she walked up to me really fast and i got scared cus she used to hit me when i was really small so i started to apologise and then she tried to force me out of the house and now she wont speak to me at all after squeezing my arms really hard and throwing my bag at me (it has my laptop in so its really really heavy) and i dont know what to do

I feel for both of you, to be honest. It must be hard being a single parent, struggling for money, working a lot and dealing with health issues. Equally it’s difficult to be growing up without much money, with a parent who isn’t giving you the support you need emotionally, with health struggles of your own and trying to figure out your way in the world.
Even the teens with the best relationships with their parents struggle with this stage - you need to separate from her to find your own way and that involves a renegotiation of the relationship.
It’s not clear who is throwing the verbal
punches about she shouldn’t have had you? That’s a really hurtful thing to say.
Is she struggling with you growing up? How will she feel about the empty nest when you leave? You should be able to get full tuition and maintenance loans for uni and it’s possible to live on those if you think about cost of living where you choose to study. You have everything ahead of you - a bit of distance from Mum will either allow you to see that she’s a fallible person doing her best in a tough situation or make it clear that actually your home life was not great and you can make different choices for your future family.

There are ppl in college you can talk to, go see the college nurse. They can help with all sorts of things, even get you counselling if that would help.
Your Mum is being abusive and she may have her own stuff going on but that is not an excuse.
Your Dad legally is supposed to financially support you whilst in full time education until the September after you leave or 19 which ever comes first. (Not uni).
Apply to uni and don't worry about the finance side atm. Once at uni there are extra funds you can apply for if needed. My 4 kids, all been to uni, one still there, have/ had part time jobs and managed ok.
Always ask for help, don't struggle alone, there are ppl that care any want you to be safe, happy and get the future you deserve. 💕

There are a multitude of resources you can access, but you need to report this abuse first. Call Childline (0800 1111).

At 17, social services can still intervene. They will carry out a safeguarding assessment, place you in safe accommodation, help you access housing at 18, and advise you on all the funds you can access.

I know it feels like these resources are for people who “have it worse,” but they are not - you have it worse. Once you have left that situation, it will feel like your future has just opened up to you and your opportunities are limitless. You cannot begin to imagine how much better life is and how much more you will love yourself when you are not being abused by the person who was supposed to love you most on a daily basis.

Why do you feel sorry for a child abuser?