Did I do the right thing ending relationship and feeling isolated now?

[GoldenAppleCakes]

I’m looking for some honest outside perspectives because I keep second-guessing myself.
I’ve never really had friends growing up. I was bullied at school and ended up leaving early. I suspect I might be neurodivergent (not diagnosed and not planning to pursue one), I have children who are on the spectrum this is when I started questioning it as I see a lot of myself in them. They also struggle with friendships. Social situations have always been difficult for me.

For a long time my sister included me in her group of friends, so they kind of became my friends too. Around that time I met my ex and we had children together. However, he never wanted to live together.
His routine was to come and stay with me and the kids for a few days, then go back to his own place for up to a week at a time. Most of the time I was basically parenting alone while he came and went. When he was with us he’d act like we were a normal family, but then he’d leave again and live his own life.

At one point he even said that coming to my house was “like a holiday” for him, which didn’t sit right with me because it felt like he got the nice family moments while I handled all the day-to-day responsibilities.
When I tried to talk about wanting more commitment or living together, he told me that would never happen. He also said I was the only woman who would want that and that his friends’ girlfriends were supposedly jealous of me because they lived with their partners and wished they didn’t.

He never took the kids on his own or gave me a break he just went back to his place whenever he wanted one.

Eventually I finally found the courage to end the relationship because I wasn’t happy with the situation in my defence I only put up for it for so long because I was young when we met and he was my first and only relationship so please no judgement. But shortly after that I fell out with my sister and we stopped speaking. Because the friends I had were originally her friends, I lost them too.

Since then I’ve felt really isolated. People always said I’d make friends when my kids started school, but that hasn’t really happened. My kids have additional needs and I often feel like other parents avoid us, so I’ve struggled to build friendships there.
Now I keep wondering if I made a huge mistake. He was basically the only adult I had in my life and the only person who was around regularly who said he cared about me. He wasn't all bad. He did try to come back a while ago and said he still loved me, but I shut it down.

Now I’m questioning myself and wondering if I was too harsh. Maybe I should have just accepted the situation the way it was instead of being alone now.
Did I make the wrong decision? Would other women have been happy in my situation like he said? He said it was the best of both worlds and if most women had the chance they wouldn’t want to live together.

He said it was the best of both worlds

Yeah it was - for him! He got to play at being dad for a few days and then he buggered off home for a rest and left you to continue parenting on your own. He sounds like a selfish oaf to me. And it doesn't sound like you miss him or the one-sided relationship, merely that you're lonely and feel that someone is better than no one, which is hardly a ringing endorsement for what a great addition he was to your life.

Honestly OP, I think you did the right thing, but no man or woman is an island and you find that you are one, so you need to work on that. Presumably, as a single parent of children with additional needs, you don't have a lot of freedom to socialise, etc. Do you work? If not, could you use the time your DC are at school to join or do things that will provide you with company and possibly friends?

I don't think I'd make any friends now im far too socially awkward and im being serious when I say I've never had any, I only became part of my sisters friendships because she basically forced it on me and they were ready made friends because I knew most of them from childhood anyway I use to leave her house if they came over but with time she helped me to be able to stay when they came over. It took a lot of working on. Making friends as an adult is virtually impossible unless you are outgoing and able to put yourself out there. I thought it might connect with some mums at my kids school but it didn't happen.

If you were a patient at my clinic, this is the three point plan I would send you away to consider. It has helped many, but it takes works and personal discomfort to push through.

• Separate “loneliness” from “the relationship itself.”
  Ask yourself: If I had supportive friends and community right now, would I still wish to return to that arrangement?
  Many people realise that what they miss is having an adult connection, not necessarily that specific dynamic.

• Build connection in neurodivergent-friendly spaces.
  Traditional parent groups can be hard, especially when children have additional needs. Look for spaces where that is normal—autism parent groups, neurodivergent adult communities, or smaller interest-based groups. These environments often feel much safer socially because differences are expected. You might be surprised at the benefits, and friendships/support networks that are built at groups like this. However, you will have to push yourself to go, be out of your comfort zone, and, allow yourself to be vulnerable. It may not ‘click’ in the first group but don’t give up! Try again at another.

• Reduce self-blame and rewrite the story.
  Instead of “I left the only person who cared about me,” try reframing it as:
  “I realised I needed a more equal partnership and had the courage to ask for it.”
  That’s not a failure—it’s personal growth. Go you!!!! The goal now is expanding your support network, not undoing that boundary.

Good luck!

When making mistakes the best thing to do is apologise and make things right.

OP your sister sounds very caring in helping you socialise and interact in your your younger years. Can you share why you fell out and if there may be a way to reconcile? That would be a first step towards rebuilding connections. Regarding your children's father, so he has tried to return but you rebuffed him? Does he still see the children so that you can occasionally have time for yourself to join a walking group or a hobby group of some sort? There are many socially awkward people out there and and many who have niche interests too so is there something you'd enjoy where you'd meet like minded people?

sorry i really don’t want to say, she was and that’s why what she did was so awful and confusing. it didn’t make any sense but i really can’t say i don’t want to go into it and don’t want people justifying it or saying they would forgive her or maybe she had her reasons, whatever it was she done i can not forgive so it doesn’t matter if others would. im not going to forgive her and we will not be speaking again under any circumstances as i will never trust her again. she’s actually done way worse than anything my ex has done that’s why it surprises me that people think i should talk to her again but not my ex.