Just called my aunt to find out what on earth my mother has been saying about me, having come to my cousin’s wedding and my mother announcing with the grooms mother beside her that she’d been “bitching” about me at the hen party. My aunt hadn’t heard anything and also denied being there (she was standing right beside my mother when she said that to me about bitching) so either she doesn’t know or doesn’t want to know. Okay, fine.
I didn’t expect it and we just turned up to the wedding as normal, chatted to family I hadn’t seen in ages and left at 10:30 (kiddos with babysitter). She apparently stayed up until 4am.
We popped into the afters the next day to wish the bride and groom well and allow them to meet the kids / say bye before leaving, my mother came to sit with us and I noticed the grooms mother and the bridesmaids staring. I’ve not trusted her or her judgement since I was about 12, but I’m just a bit ?!? what on earth.
I don’t particularly want to know exactly what she’s said (I can guess), but I do want to know the actual character of the person I’ve been giving love and access to my family. It’s difficult because you are primed to seek your mother’s love, and so when something wild happens you just… forget, until something else wild happens and then you suddenly remember all of the other times. Apparently the “whiplash” feeling is very common?
The irony is my life is going well, I have a new job I’m doing well at, a side hustle I’m mid turning into a business of my own, marriage good, kids are thriving, house renovation progressing… I have looked up “covert narcissist” before and gone “ah yes, my mother.” It would make sense that she does not like if things are going well for me but I’m still kind of shocked.
I wore a light coloured suit to the wedding and unexpectedly got my period at the meal and had to ask some staff members for a pad - I was treated with such empathy and compassion by all of the women involved, the one who showed me the way to reception and the ones on the actual desk. They were about five times nicer to me than my actual mother. Idk what I want from this thread apart from just getting it out.
She is a miles better grandparent than parent and my children (5 and 7) adore her, much like I did mine until I got old enough to realise she was not actually a very good person - when my kids are old enough my plan is to blame “getting old”/dementia etc. Idk I don’t want to see my mum for a while but she is visiting this week (pre-arranged) - I am just going to be very, very busy and barely see her. For context, my parents are long term separated, I am NC with my sister as her mental health is very bad and she is the grandiose kind of narcissist - the reason she wasn’t at the wedding was because she had been reported to the police for harassing my cousin, the bride. 🙈 Morto. I am at least happy we behaved like normal people