Feeling lonely

[CattyCatCatCatt]

Is anyone else feeling really lonely? I’ve lost quite a few friends and some family over the years (for reasons I’d rather not get into), and I’ve been single for a long time now.

I’ve tried dating apps but haven’t had much luck meeting anyone, and nothing ever seems to come from it. I also find it really hard to make friends as an adult.

Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation? If so, what’s helped you cope or improve things?

Start a sport or join a club or gym. I am part of a great little community through my gym. Its a small one so isn't over commercialised and populated by influencers, mirror hogs or meatheads, and you will make decent friends. Just don't date any guys there. Case of "don't poo where you eat" scenario.

I think, as we get older, and lose friends for whatever reason it can feel as if opportunities to meet new ones are reduced.
Sorry you feel like this OP - do you work, have hobbies? Do you have some friends now that you could arrange something with?
Maybe don’t worry about dating for now - look at what you can do to feel better first?

Sorry to sound negative but I’m not a sporty person at all so anything like gym/ running / hiking groups wouldnt work for me

I was the same and gave the same response to the friend that gave me the same advice. Signing up to the gym was difficult and the first day was incredibly scary!
Its a High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) gym and my first day I was so unfit that after 4 stations I had to stagger to the bathroom and spewed in a toilet. Gross I know!
2 years later, I now go an hour non-stop, regardless of what the stations are and I have never felt better physically, mentally or emotionally. I leave each day on a mental high and catch up with gym friends regularly.
I know its super difficult to get out of your comfort zone and start, but its the best thing anyone could do for themselves and it honestly becomes addictive, as alien as it might sound to you now (as it once did for me).

No I don’t sadly, I lost most of my friends for reasons I won’t go into but I only have one friend I speak to now but we don’t live near each other so dont meet up often we mainly speak on the phone. I have a couple of acquaintances but not people I meet up with.

Is there an opportunity to turn the acquaintances into friends? Could you suggest a coffee?
What about colleagues?
You said you didn’t fancy the gym, but are there other interests where you could look for a local club?
It does feel like harder work as an adult, but I think the key is to look for common interests or hobbies as that gives you a starting point. Is there a local library where they put in talks for example?

What hobbies do you enjoy?

Anything you can do regularly with the same people is generally a good way to make friends and if it's something you enjoy anyway you won't mind if you don't.

You could try an art class, a choir, a discussion group if sport isn't your thing.

Honestly I don’t have any big hobbies mostly just relaxing, watching films/documentaries, and browsing online!

Should have put I work from home which isn’t something I can change for now.

How about an evening class? Something you’re genuinely interested in and have always fancied learning.

If you’re free in the daytimes maybe join a walking group? Or the WI? Some kind of volunteering?

I think the key is keeping yourself occupied. Fill your spare time with activities that you find enjoyable. You may then find that friendships develop naturally as you meet people with the same interests.

I’m lonely. I’m married but he’s autistic and I work from home as a self employed person so I don’t have colleagues. I live in a different country from where I was born so don’t have family support. Worse still, I work anti social hours so I don’t get to go to clubs etc. I do have friends but I see each one about once every two months so I spend quite a bit of time on my own. I wish it were not the case.

What did you enjoy as a child? What do you look at and think, ooh that looks fun! They could be good places to start with figuring out what to try.

If you just watch TV and browse online it will be hard to meet new people and stem your loneliness. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Also give it time. It took me about a year to form proper friendships through my hobby.

You need to try something new even if it's out of your comfort zone.

You're not going to meet people watching telly and scrolling.

Bottom line, this lifestyle is why you’re lonely. You’ve got to get out there!

There are multitude of things happening in your local area. You need to get out of the house and try some new things - functional fitness gyms (yeah, I hear you are not sporty. Nobody is until they start working out), art classes, meet-up groups, WI, dance classes… People are not going to come to your house offering their friendship. You have to go where they are.

You could try the BFF ( Bumble for friends) on the Bumble app. One of my friends uses this and has made several good women friends that way.