Am I being insecure?

[Heythere12345]

Not really sure what I’m looking for here! Just want to share what going on with someone but I have no one to tell.

My husband of 7 years seems to always be searching for his ex girlfriend on Facebook. Basically I was sat next to him once and he said he wanted to show me something so pressed the search part of FB and I saw her name there. He didn’t say anything, I don’t say anything (probably should have in hindsight). Now I find myself checking his Facebook searches every time his phone is unattended (not very often, maybe twice a month). I know I shouldn’t be going on his phone, I literally just click to see his searches and see if she is there or not. Sometimes his history is deleted. Other times she is there most of the time. I can’t see any evidence that they’ve spoken, but then I’ve not snipped further than the search section so who knows. It just makes me feel crap that he’s searching for a girlfriend he had over ten years ago (they went out for about 2 years). They are friends on Facebook so he can definitely see whatever she’s posting. Any thoughts? Am I overreacting or being insecure?

My fear of confronting him about it is

1. it’ll be turned on me for looking at his phone (rightly so)
2. it will just make him aware and he will hide it better

Thank you for reading

Why are they still friends on Facebook?

You really need to talk to him about her OP because it sounds as though your worry about his feelings for her is eating away at you.

I’ve no idea. They’ve always been friends on Facebook. We did have an issue when we were in our first couple of years of dating where he was friends with all her family and her stepdad kept commenting on loads of our pictures. All nice general stuff but still made me uncomfortable as he’d never comment on anyone else’s posts on my boyfriend’s profile if that makes sense. He ended up deleting him from Facebook after a while of me bringing it up.

I don’t know OP 🤷🏻‍♀️
I know I wouldn’t like it at the same time , I’d have it well said by now being honest !
How is your marriage all in all ?

Hes been going through a tough time recently which has been affecting things a bit. He’s been very stressed at work so I’ve been trying to take on more of the home stuff. But he’s been generally quite negative recently due to the work stress so I had to talk to him about that recently because I was worried it would be affecting the children hearing all the negativity and it meant he was being very impatient with them. It’s improved since then. I know I should say something, just not sure how to approach it as it’s basically because I’m looking at his phone!! I was an honest accident I saw in the first place

Well then I’d say just that to him OP.
” Tom it’s by complete accident I saw this , but can I ask you why are you looking up your Ex gf on facebook? , I don’t like it & I’m sure if it were other way around you wouldn’t either “.
I mean you don’t like it ( I wouldn’t either ) , he’s your husband , why should you be feeling like this & not saying anything to him .

Thank you. Maybe I should just go for it. Just need to find the right timing. He’s away to the weekend with his friends this weekend so will wait until next week maybe. Or when I next notice it. Thank you

My fear of confronting him about it is

1. it’ll be turned on me for looking at his phone (rightly so)
2. it will just make him aware and he will hide it better

I understand your worry and your hyper focus but your marriage generally doesn’t sound like a secure place.

Finding the right timing means not leaving it until he does it in front of you again (which he may now be attuned not to do).

Just find a moment when he’s relaxed, not hangry etc. and tell him. Refer to the initial incident (not the follow up snooping) and say it’s been playing on your mind, but do it gently and without being accusing to give him a chance to tell you the truth rather than saying it’s a one-off.

Or just don’t. Is it a can of worms that needs to be opened? Can you accept that he still cares enough about his ex to wonder what’s going on in her life, but that he loves you and has chosen you?