Left relationship

[Needsmoresleeep]

I was with my ex for 13 years we have 3 children I broke up with him 9th march we dont work well I'm a stay at home mum and he lost his job anyway he threatened me to take our kids off me take our finances off me he has since apologised and is now begging constantly for me back I keep saying no he says he'll change his ways and he wants to prove it that I'm being unfair I have to sleep on the couch every night I have tried going to the council they refused to rehome me as I would have made myself intentionally homeless I just dont know what to do I cannot keep living here hes draining the life out of me our kids know too as I told them. He still thinks we are getting back together I have told him no I was unappreciated unloved I want out but hes refusing to let me go I have also given him the rights to our home as I just want gone he says he'll struggle he doesnt know how to pay rent or do anything but isnt helping himself and expects me to help any help please I'm so down.

Who has their name on the tenancy?

His struggles are not your concern.

First off make sure you have your own money in your own bank account that he can't access. You need to find out what benefits you are entitled to and get that money going in to your account.

We both do but I'm giving him the rights to it as where we are hes ruined it for me I want to start fresh and he keeps saying he has nowhere to go and that this is my fault I have put him in this situation hes asking for my help but also saying we will get back together stop telling people we are over thank you I have an appointment with citizens advice in 2 weeks time i really dont know how I will cope waiting 2 weeks as this is unbearable hes not giving me any breathing space hes constantly at me begging me for another chance but I have given him too many and he treated me like a joke and took me for granted

Don't be so daft as to give up your council tenancy to him.

Private renting is going to cost loads and be so much less stable for you and the children.

He said he has no place to go apparently his family wont take him in so he says hes staying so I was just going to give him the rights I havent done this yet but I know once I do he has every right to kick me out which im nervous about to be honest the council told me to go privately if my situation is that bad but they told me they cant help me as I would have made myself homeless with my kids

Which you are, if you just hand him the tenancy. I think it will exclude you from help for at least a couple of years.

Don't be so hasty. Think long term. Think about your kids.

You and they have nowhere to go either.

Speak to Shelter the housing charity, they will be able to advise about your options.

HE has nowhere to go? That's HIS problem. You are not responsible for him. HE needs to man up and do some adulting.

See hes making out like this is my problem to sort as its me who's came to the decision to split this decision hasn't happened over night this has spanned over years but hes in shock I told him when we were together how I was feeling he didnt accept nor listen yeah I know thats so true hes more thinking of him and maybe I should never have said I would give him the rights to our flat but I just cant stand it with him hes not going to go and I want space which he isnt giving me thank you so much i will speak to shelter nah hes hes never maned up he waited on me hand and foot to do everything even now I think hes still expecting me to

OK so how are you going to get a new place if you just give him the rights to yours?
I mean I suppose if it's joint then he has the right to be there anyway tbf.

But never make the mistake of thinking being nice or compromising with a jerk will get them to be nice back. It just makes you look weak to him and he will further try to explot you.

If you're not able to leave then stop promising to give him rights to the property.

'With all due respect John, we are over and we are not getting back together. So you need to back off and stop breathing down my neck. I'm sorry that it makes you uncomfortable when I tell others but let me be very clear with you, we are not getting back together. Our next moves now Need to be to find the best way to seperate and not disturb the kids. Frankly you're going to look a right knob if you stay here much longer. If I were you I'd get a job and get out asap, save yourself some embarasment'.

Don't give him the rights to anything. 'You've proved you cant be trusted to do right by me and the kids so no I won't be taking my name off the deeds. You need to move out'.

Stop playing nice. And tell everyone. Shame him into moving.

I havent given him the rights yet but I have told him he can have it to back off from me but it hasnt worked at all I'm now looking into private I have an appointment with citizens advice in 2 weeks to help me navigate this as hes not helping at all yeah the council said we cant throw each other out I have been firm with him said we are done we are over he threw back in my face that im not being fair to him or giving him a chance but how many chances can one have i have said that exactly to him that I have no where to go he said to me you do you have your mum your grandparents I literally have no one and no one will take me in so you have to let me stay here and I will fight for you but honestly I'm not taking me and 3 kids to live with either my grandparents or my mum they both have small places cant do that to them hes made no effort to try and sort something out but I have started to save he wants my finances I'm not giving him that at all my bank account is mine his is his i have been telling people and he's not happy I have done this as he still thinks hes in with a chance but I havent once given him false hope.

Ffs this is a war, you don't give in and hand over things hoping that will make him sweet. He has threatened to take the kids off you ffs. 🤦‍♀️ You need to buckle up for a serious battle in which the end result is he moves out and you keep your tenancy. Give him an inch and he will take a mile. You need to start making life extremely difficult for him, not easier.

Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense I think its because I deeply care for him but I dont love him and frankly hes making things difficult i want it to be civilised between us but its not going to be I dont think yeah he has since apologised and wouldnt do that to our kids but I have told him you still said it to hurt me and it did thank you so much for that I know have to and it will get nasty

Just always keep in mind you cannot trust him and he will do anything he can to make it hard for you.

I actually disagree with pp, it IS a war. Because he wants it to be. But never compromise with people who want to destroy you. He wants you broke and broken so that you will have to let him stay.

Start shoring up your finances. And be clear with everyone that you are over. And that he 'should be looking for a place but I don't know what his plan is, he seems to expect me to fix it for him'

You know he cares about what other people think. That's his weak spot. Go for it. Because he won't hesitate to go for yours. Even though its the kids.

Yeah definitely I dont fully trust him I dont tell him anything now unless its about the kids he keeps asking me to come to bed I have said no as thats not what exs do and he will get false hope he has now said he will let me have the bed tonight since it's mother's day tomorrow I actually am speechless not in a good way yeah I think thats what hes doing hes draining the life out of me so I'll just stay and get on with it but I am now being selfish and thinking of myself for once yeah I have told the kids school family everyone we know I havent said anything online just in case as I haven't told universal credit yet I was recommended to wait until I spoke with citizens advice