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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I finish it with him.

39 replies

JL2026 · 13/03/2026 08:55

I'm a 42 year old woman who's been dating a 39 year old man who I met online for 9 weeks. In those 9 weeks we've had 2 dates a week. In the weeks that we've been dating we've only been out for food on 3 occasions. 2 occasions we were out going for a walk and he asked me if I wanted to go somewhere to get food because HE was hungry. I said yes to both times. Another occasion he said about us going out for food because he had seen a place online that does two for one meals. Once again I agreed to go to this place. Other than those 3 occasions all we ever do is cook at his place or mine in the evening then go to bed and have sex. If I ever suggest a place to go, he doesn't want to go out. They are not expensive places that I suggest either. The one time I suggested going to eat out for breakfast and he didn't want to go because he said it's cheaper to eat in. The week after was the time we went out for food because it was a two for one offer. The first date we had was just going for coffee then a long walk then he invited himself over to my place where we made out but didn't have sex. Although he didn't leave until 2am so I'm not sure if he was hoping to get sex and gave up at 2am and that's why he left. The next 3 dates after this we went for a walk, spent time at his place then I stayed over his place and slept in the same bed but without sex. Although we didn't have sex on these 3 dates but he did want me to give him a 'handjob'. On the 4th date I stayed over again which is when we started having sex. He seems to not want to spend money on dates, hence why we stay in. He has even admitted to being stingy. I know he's not stingy when it comes to himself because he's mentioned how he wants to buy himself a bike and he talks about spending money on other things and he's ordered items from the internet etc. I ask him what he's ordered and he tells me it's expensive shoes. So it seems he's only stingy when it comes to going out on dates with me. Just to point out, I always offer to pay for myself so if we did go out on dates he only ever has to pay for himself. He can be a bit critical of small little things like washing the dishes. The other day I was washing up in his house (because I offered) and he stood there and watched me. When I asked why he was watching, he replied "you're not rinsing the bubbles off right". On a few occasions he's said something but I haven't heard what he's said so I've said "say that again because I didn't catch what you said sorry". His reply has been "oh never mind". He seems to say it with a bit of attitude as well. He has criticised a few other things as well or the way I'm doing it, normally cooking. But funnily enough on the other hand he seems a nice guy. I've had an aunt who I was very close to die very recently and he appears quite understanding about it. Just before she died she was very poorly because she had cancer. Because of this he said "if you want time out of dating because of your aunt being ill, just say". At the time I told him I didn't want time out and that I want to carry on dating him. With this he appeared happy that I chose to carry on dating him. I'm not sure what to do. Do I carry on dating him because there is a nice part of him and it appears that he really likes me, or do I finish it with him because of him being stingy when it comes to dates and his attitude sometimes.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 13/03/2026 11:42

Well he's certainly getting a cheap shag.

rwalker · 13/03/2026 11:55

There nothing outrageous but it’s not what you want some people are just home birds which is fine
I think your just not compatible and have different expectations

Tablesandchairs23 · 13/03/2026 11:56

You're are meant to be having fun. 9 weeks is nothing. He's a tight boring ballbag get rid of him.

HortiGal · 13/03/2026 12:19

@JL2026you seem very passive and to seemingly thinking his behaviour might be acceptable would suggest you would slip into an abusive relationship quite easily.
Raise your bar, work on your self esteem, you deserve better.

BauhausOfEliott · 13/03/2026 13:24

rwalker · 13/03/2026 11:55

There nothing outrageous but it’s not what you want some people are just home birds which is fine
I think your just not compatible and have different expectations

Did you miss the parts where he also criticises her cooking and washing-up, and demanded a handjob when she wasn’t ready for sex with him?

He’s not just a ‘home bird’. He’s a negging twat who is using her for sex.

OpheliaNightingale · 13/03/2026 13:35

Wishimaywishimight · 13/03/2026 08:59

I only got halfway through before thinking 'what a shit 'relationship' only 9 weeks in. Why are you pursuing this? It should be fun, not going to someone's house for dinner followed by washing up and a hand-job. I would rather stay home and watch Corrie.

😂😂😂 reading your reply has cheered me up no end!

TwistedWonder · 13/03/2026 13:38

Wishimaywishimight · 13/03/2026 08:59

I only got halfway through before thinking 'what a shit 'relationship' only 9 weeks in. Why are you pursuing this? It should be fun, not going to someone's house for dinner followed by washing up and a hand-job. I would rather stay home and watch Corrie.

😂😂😂😂

Honestly reading MN threads about these useless tight arsed zero effort fuckers who throw a few crumbs in order to get a shag make me want to stay single forever if they’re the alternative

UpDownAllAround1 · 13/03/2026 13:57

Do you like him? Go with your gut not the suds

Bristolandlazy · 13/03/2026 16:34

Fuck that, not literally. I got halfway through reading it and thought why's she still with him. He's showing you who he is. He's a cheap skate and boring. This is supposed to be the exciting part of dating. He can afford to save for shoes and bikes as he doesn't spent money on going out I guess. If he suits your lifestyle all good. To me he sounds like bin material. Thanks for reminding me why I'm single though.

category12 · 13/03/2026 16:44

Instead of asking yourself "does he like me?", take a step back and ask yourself "do I like him?"

Cos it seems like you think you should keep dating him because it suits him, not because you're having a great time with him. The sex isn't even particularly good for you.

Dump the dull bastard.

FlapperFlamingo · 13/03/2026 16:48

I think you need to ask yourself if you are happy with a relationship like this going forward. If you like going out and want to do more than eat in and have sex then probably he is not the guy for you. Staying in and having sex isn't necessarily an issue for some of us, but for the me the stingy bit would kill it. Ask yourself if you want more (and it sounds like you do) then gently but very firmly dump if you do.

S0j0urn4r · 13/03/2026 16:59

Taxi!

HawthornFairy · 13/03/2026 16:59

Does seeing him make you fizzy with excitement inside? Does seeing him make you feel cosy and content, an “at home” kind of feeling? If no, then stop.
My DP is careful with money, as am I tbh, but from the beginning there were picnics, cycle rides, visits to National Trust places. Usually with a thermos of tea and some sandwiches rather than eating in a restaurant, because that is what we both prefer. Does he not want to go to the cinema? A gig in a local pub? A drive to the seaside, a walk and fish and chips?

ThisJadeBear · 13/03/2026 19:31

The washing up lesson? Yes I got that one once. It’s a nice pointer of what’s to come. A big know-it-all. Isn’t it funny how you’ve lived a whole life and your dishes haven’t killed you?!!!!
He is not tight. He’s tight with YOU.
There is absolutely nothing worth pursuing here other than boring sex, cheap meals and criticism.
And this is the fun bit.

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