Dating at 54: any success stories meeting men away from apps?

[SweetPeaandJasmine]

Please tell me there are better men out there than what are on the apps. I just don’t like anyone. Not one. I’m about to hit 54 and feel like it’s too late for me.

I was in a long, sexless marriage (my doing as there was no chemistry in that department) and I feel like I’ve missed the boat.

Any success stories away from the apps? Any tips?

I'm a little younger but have met an amazing man recently on Tinder. Have you looked at the burnt haystack method? It really helped me. You end up not wasting time on anyone unsuitable and it gets you through the pile to find the hidden gems

Have you considered changing jobs moving area like doing a really drastic change?
I can’t see how anything else will work for me going forward
The apps are ridiculous. I get a high and I reply with hi how are you? Hope you’re well. I see you in your photograph. You went to Paris. When was that?
And then get completely blanked
It’s painful
So it’s not even about burning the haystack the haystack isn’t engaging

Are you on Facebook dating?
I met my partner on there, and it shows you if you have friends in common which can be helpful.
We’re absolutely perfect for each other and I’m so glad I found him.
I’m 50, he’s 53, we’ve been together 5.5 years. I actually had a literal chat out loud and said ‘ Come on Universe, I have so much love in my heart, I’d like a funny spiritual man with a good heart. I’ve had enough of waiting’ and then suddenly saw a little heart symbol on my FB app. I clicked on it, saw his photo, we chatted on the phone, had our first date two weeks later & haven’t been apart since. It’s bliss!!!!!

I’d had awful abusive relationships all my life, been cheated on etc, but I never quite gave up hope that there was someone out there for me. Each time I dated someone & it didn’t work out, that just told me what I didn’t want in a man/relationship. Each date is a stepping stone to finding your person.

Have you tried Hinge? That was one a nicer one. Or Bumble? Don’t give up 😊

@Mosman2020if they're not engaging then unmatch them quickly and just keep swiping. It really does work. And it means you're not time wasting with people showing early on signs of either disinterest or other red flags

No. I'll be watching with interest. I'm mid 50s too and have dated on and off for the last 15 years via the apps, and it did lead to one 4+ year relationship.

I've joined clubs, been on activity holidays and have a full and active social life and am still working and have not met a single man that way. Friends occasionally offer to introduce me to someone who they know who has recently become single and invariably before that happens the single man has met someone!

A friend said that she had met someone with potential at a speed dating event recently, so maybe that might be a way.

It doesn’t matter whether I own match them or whether they sit in the inbox ignoring me that makes no impact On the success rates does it?
As for keep swiping, it’s hard enough to find one that you’re prepared to swipe on in the first place

Never heard of the burnt haystack method. I’ll look it up!

Well, I’d definitely move but don’t want to move until I find the right man. I’m in the north east but have an affinity for London and Surrey. I go every few weeks and it’s like my second home. My reason for not moving is cost. Obviously, the house prices in the north east are extremely lower than those in London/Surrey so I stay here (I’m close to 3 national parks) and use my disposable income a lot to travel south by plane or train.

I work from home 2 days and 2 days in work but it’s not ideal as my work base is 85 miles away. So, I am starting to think about looking for a fully remote post (I am a profession that could probably do that). I have 2 children up north (both over 18) but don’t see them much as they’re busy doing this, that and the other. No parents or siblings still here - all RIP.

I did meet one man on Tinder, who I’m still in touch with, but he is very happy being single and it just fizzled very quickly. No connection but we remained friends. Apart from that, it’s like dredging through the Adams Family males on the apps.

Your story sounds lovely!

No, not on FB dating. I tend to keep myself very private on FB. I’ve used Hinge, Bumble, Tinder and Match. Find them the same!

But then you don’t seem very committed to the process of a relationship because if you meet somebody in the north east What are you gonna do about your affinity for London?
And if you meet somebody from London, how long is it gonna be before you can realistically relocate? I don’t think I’d take you seriously at all if you were telling me you were going to leave.
It’s a very, very tricky situation all around, but that makes it even more complex

I’d leave once I felt comfortable in the relationship. I’d move to the moon for the right man but he’s hard to find!

Met dp on an app so that’s no help… I probably wouldn’t have chosen to meet someone who was going to have to travel for 3 hours to meet me. I was quite careful with location as I had zero interest in a long distance relationship but also didn’t want to date a neighbour.

In general I’d prioritise making the life I wanted, including in the right location, and then open up to meeting people. A friend met a guy travelling to see the football team they both follow.

If you haven’t already tried it, I recommend Ceroc OP. Very social, as well as the classes ( where you change partner every few minutes) they do events (dances on an evening) and weekenders - a combination of a weekend away somewhere with workshops and classes.

www.ceroc.com/

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

If the apps aren't working then don't bother persisting with them. You'll need to start looking for real life events where there will be lots of people.

As I say that’s kind of the catch 22 that you’re in because you kind of need to be in the place that you want to settle before you’re going to meet the man in my experience
Everything else has to be organised and in place first then the man will appear