Retired partner avoids decisions and leaves home projects to me

[Mancity08]

So yesterday we had a quote for some work on the kitchen.
The guy wanted a large deposit so when I told dp he said “ thought we weren’t gonna to do that again “ so I said “ what shall I do then as I was the one he’d sent the message to”
He was going round the houses instead of saying what needed to in order to go forward
I told him he tells the guy as it’s always me that initiates anything
He said, I’m not discussing as it’s getting stressful let’s leave it tonight

Ive not mentioned anything today, but later tonight I was looking and couldn’t find what we needed on the internet
He was sat there strolling on his phone
I just said I can’t find the size we needed anywhere
He just looked at me and said nothing, next minute I look he’s falling asleep

Im sick to death of having to do nearly everything in our home. We’re both retired
He’d hold a ladder for me and let me go up it
or watch me get paint out and sit there watching me do it
I know for a fact he will not mention it again about the kitchen, I’ve got a guy thinking he may have a job and I’m ignoring him!
Anything where there is a decision to be made it’s always left to me , it wears me down
It’s like he wants this peaceful life without making any changes that involves making a decision or having to look for things , yet he can scroll for hours looking at cars, etc

so frustrated I can’t even look at him

Without sounding harsh OP, maybe he is wanting a bit of peace? By what you are writing it feels like you are on his case too much regarding this, and he just wants to enjoy his day, but you get off on the wrong foot reminding him where he is lacking re DIY needing to be done. Could it be that you need to back off a bit, give him space and then connect with him differently regarding this?

His laziness/passiveness is one thing, but from you say it sounds like he doesn't actually think the work needs doing.
If you want the work done, you're going to have to either get him on board or organise it yourself. Very annoying, I know.
Maybe time for a bigger chat about what more he can contribute now he has all this extra time on his hands. There might things that he can do that don't require decisions but that might free up some of your time and headspace, like cleaning the house, doing car maintenance and admin.
The trouble with someone who doesn't want to make decisions is that they then don't feel responsible and feel they are free to blame/criticise when things go wrong or don't work out as anticipated. Is that he's not interested in DIY etc or that he is scared of choices and decisions?

TheAvidWriter
He hardly ever makes a decision if he has to it will take him ages, it’s the same in most things
clothes anything he’s been looking at buying a car now for 18mths reads all the reviews etc and he’s no closer to getting one if ever.
He doesn’t do diy will never think of getting paint out that why I do it ir it would never get done

As for giving him space - I’ve asked to do kitchen up now since we moved into the house 23 yrs ago - yes I kid you not
He never thinks a bedding needs washing or toilet cleaning
So what do I do - give him space till tomorrow. He’d forget
I'm not his house keeper or mother
He takes a list to the shops, I go to get what I think he’s bought on the list “ he’s forgot” because he looked for something else.
I’ve mentioned look at the list again before you go to check out. I get “ sorry I’m not perfect”

DelphiniumBlue
25yrs I’ve waited to even paint my kitchen
he woukd willing let me do it and he sit there
last week I was stripping the kitchen units and he asked was it ok if he went out on his bike !
why can’t he think “ I’ll help her “
He has never ever cleaned the toilet in 23 yrs

Yes he does the car maintenance, grass, washing,bins
he says tell me what you want doing , when I have he says tell” what now” if he doesn’t do it then he will forget
I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man what needs doing in his own house

Sorry but this all builds up inside me and I resent him. How can you let a woman do something heavy and watch