Mediation for finances

[usuallyjustlooking]

Have started mediation for finances. We have pensions each and the matrimonial home. Similar earnings and adult kids. I’m really grumpy about how much mediation costs we each had to have an individual appointment at £125 and then a joint one for £250 each. In the session we have filled in part one of a form which I think we could have done easily remotely. We have been sent away to get bank statements etc and the next £250 session will be be spent poring over these. The mediator has said he will then draw up a finance statement which will cost us another £250 each.

It just seems money for old rope and I think it will be more drawn out than needed. Does anyone have similar experiences. Do I just suck it up to get to the end?

Sorry, no experience but it is a lot cheaper than solicitors fees. If you are able can you get together and go through the statements, or do you need the mediator to stop things being so adversarial. If this is a long marriage, adult kids, similar earnings and no special circumstances it’s going to end up being very close to 50:50 on the assets I would think. Are you looking to trade pensions for house equity or do you have similar pensions as well?

We are selling up. Husband wants 50% of the house sale but doesn’t think I should get 50% of the joint pension pot. His pension is worth £100k more than mine so I am asking for more of the house equity to reflect that - he’s offering 60/40 split of house if he keeps his pension I think 70/30 is needed to properly equalise this. Youngest is about to start uni and I will have to house both adult kids whether the court accepts I need to or not.

Why should he or you give either one, part of your pension?.. I always wonder why this happens. The house should be spilt equally to what you’ve paid into it.

The courts won’t give any credence to your adult children, none and you won’t get a split that reflects this if it goes to court.

it comes fine to maths - to get you to overall 50:50 split is it 60:40 split on house or 70:30 ?And what’s the actual & difference between the two because you can easily rack up tens of thousands £ in legal fees fighting it out

OP - if H doesn't think he wants to do pension share - I am not sure looking over your bank statements at £250/person is going to make any difference.
It'll all come down to time and him accepting that in a long marriage and grown kids - the split would close to 50/50, whether he likes it or not. And that includes all assets - house, pension, investments.

Personally - I'd pause on having the next session and talk to him. You can fill out forms and talk about them without paying for a mediator.
I'd also not proceed with selling unless you have an agreement on financials.

Guessing his is more as you were looking after the kids when younger

should be split 50/50 tbh but you can spend thousands arguing this

Because in a long marriage all assets are considered matrimonial. In the eyes of the law - spouse's contribution to the marriage is considered equal. So - the mother who birthed children; took time off work to raise them; had less career progression because of having children (and as a result a smaller pension pot) - had contributed the same to the marriage as the father who worked and saved.

When the marriage ends - all assets are divided between the spouses mostly equally, bar special circumstances. So - if pension pots are different sizes - they get equalised.

Because that’s the law? Pension savings are part of marital assets, and need to be counted along with everything else. Why on earth should they be exempt.

How much is the house worth? Pensions are normally discounted a bit to reflect the fact that they’re not accessible, but that will depend on his age. Agree with a pp that you’re arguing over less than £50k here, and that can easily disappear in fees if you can’t come to an agreement. That’s not to say you should let him have his way, just be careful to stay objective.

Mine played nice in the mediation, then lost his rag outside her office, flatly refusing to fill in any financial disclosure. I let him get away with it in the end, to my enduring detriment.

If you can settle between you, do. Can you agree on 63/35, do you think?

You can'tagree so you need skilled mediation. Skilled mediation isn't cheap.