He broke up with me out of the blue

[PodgyOwl]

Boyfriend of nearly a year left earlier today. Packed all his stuff and said he couldn't do it anymore. We'd had a row earlier in which I'd said I wanted him to text me more. I'm heartbroken. He'd formed such a strong bond with my son, too. He's moved back to his parents - he moved in pretty much from day one with me and we rowed as I felt he should have paid half and only gave me £400 a month. He's blocked me everywhere.
I can't eat, sleep and feel sick to my stomach. I have no real friends and have moved in to my parents for a few days for support.
Advice on how to function? Thank you x

Hello @PodgyOwl . I am sorry that you are going through this. At the moment, all you can do is ride it out. There is no shortcut or tip to make it easier. You will feel all the sadness that comes with it, but it is ok. What I would tell you that yes, it hurts, yes, it will hurt for a while, but that is normal. It is because you have a heart and feelings. Time is the only thing that will make it better. And there's no way to fast forward that. It's great that you have some support and people around you who love you... On a positive note, at least it's not a relationship you invested decades on, you still have your youth, and you will be ok...

I am not too sure what to make of "he moved in pretty much from day one with me" + "He'd formed such a strong bond with my son, too". Does that mean that you got together with him and immediately introduced him into your son's life? Well, I know you are hurting right now, so I am sure you don't need negativity, but it is important, and I am trying to say this with as much kindness as possible - If that is how it happened, it was a very reckless thing to do, and please take this experience as something to learn from, and never do it again, not until things are safe and steady.

For heaven’s sake, OP, see this as a wake up call. Your judgement is way off if you let a brand new boyfriend move in with your child immediately! Most people won’t even have introduced their child to a new boyfriend or girlfriend after a year. And for him to do it suggests someone with equally poor judgement. You’re far better off out of this relationship.

As above, waaaay to quickly to introduce him in to your child's life. I hope you learn from that and take things much slower when you date again. Get to know them yourself first.

Your bf sounds like a bit of a cock lodger. Couldn't wait to get out of his parent's house and I to yours, but didn't want to contribute too much. He should have been paying half the bills and doing his share of chores too.

Sounds like it’s for the best. With kindness you probs shouldn’t have moved a stranger into your house with a young child. Maybe be more cautious next time x

Sorry should clarify my son doesn't live with me

I’m agreeing with everyone else on this. Concentrate on your son now.

I’ve just seen your last post. Who does your son live with? How were they able to form a strong bond?

Focus on your child.

Where does your son live ad how old is he? Usual advice is to leave it a year before introducing a child to a new partner. I would think you have had a lucky escape as your ex sounds like he took advantage of you by paying so little towards the household bills. Also the fact he moved in straight away was a big red flag. Be more careful in future.

Previous posts waving massive red flags. Take control of your life and keep away from men they won't fill the voids. Rebuild your life completely without a man

He isn’t the man you thought he was. He played along.

It’s worth making things hard for potential partners. Before they get to move in with and benefit from cheaper living and the benefits of having a partner, make them jump through some hoops. Don’t let them make themselves comfortable until they’ve earned it!

Why on earth are you allowing a man to move in from day 1?

Son or no son, this is absolutely bonkers.

Where is your son living @PodgyOwl?

I’ve just read your previous thread. So you left an abusive relationship in Feb last year and within weeks you met another cocklodger and moved them into your home. And you have a young child who lives elsewhere?

Sorry OP but you seriously need to stay away from men and work on your boundaries and self respect rather than jumping from one abusive wanker to the next barely pausing for breath. Your judgement is horrendous so please raise your bar, stay singje and concentrate on you and your child before you look another man. A bloke isn’t compulsory and sadly you’re attracting complete wronguns because of your desperation for any old man.

OP, your previous posts suggest you’re only 30 so your son obviously isn’t an adult and you shouldn’t have introduced him to your boyfriend as early as that.

Neither should you moved your boyfriend in ‘from day one’. Your previous relationship was apparently abusive and lasted until February 2025, before which he gave you an STI and PID. You must have got together with your most recent partner a barely a month or two after you split from the abuser.

You also say you work in a job you despise because your parents force you to. And your son doesn’t live with you - why is that?

I don’t mean this unkindly, but you need to stop getting into relationships. You need to focus on your own mental health, get all the therapy you can afford, stop doing a job you hate because you’re scared of your parents, provide a bit of stability for your son and stay single for a good long while until you’ve learned how to spot red flags.

3 men you missed one out by the timeline. Separated from husband he moved away with baby , new relationship 3 months later ( abusive) ended at some point maybe 9 month mark then onto the next within a couple months.

He's done you a favour. You should have kicked him out the second he refused to pay his share.

In future wait at least 18 months before sharing a home with a man. Some people might be able to risk this sooner but it sounds like your picker is a little off with guys so take no chances.

I know it sucks right now op but honestly it's the best thing that could be happened for you.

Take a couple of years single. Like, single single. And work on reading up on spotting red flags and things like 'the art of saying no'.

For now take it one meal and one day at a time. Ice cream counts as a meal imo :)

Be careful this isn't some weird power play to get you to stop calling out his bs. If he reappears, do not take him back. Get your locks changed ASAP fyi.

He was wanting a cheap roof over his head, with sex on tap.

Be thankful that you've found out what a pig he is so soon.

Make sure you change the locks.

And OP, find yourself. Live, see your son, enjoy days out with him, go see friends, have fun, be you and give yourself a break from dating. The stronger and happier you are in yourself, the faster you will spot the bad uns and make healthier choices for you and you'll be happier.

Just caught up with that.

So in less than 2 years OP has split with DH who now has full custody of preschool aged DS, had a 9/10 month abusive relationship and now a year long relationship with a cocklodger who moved in after 5 minutes?

OP - you are well educated woman either a well paid job. Please seek help with your mental health and stop wasting your life hooking up with complete and utter losers who see you coming.

Please seek therapy and stay away from men. You have a lot to offer the world, don’t throw that away just to have any old bloke. You are worth so much more than a succession of cents parading through your life.

Why did you want him to text you - it would be a deal breaker for me too, I'm a married 46 year old man, my wife hardly ever texts me and I hardly ever text or call her, its very irritating getting pointless messages all day when you have stuff to do!

The choices are really bad and it should be part of the context.

I would really focus on yourself, I would also be looking at the pnd , wether that period of your life brought on some different mental health problems. These men are not worth your time ♡

I have a feeling he’s playing you and once being back at his parent’s has lost its sine he will agree to come back if you agree to let him live rent free and he doesn’t do any domestics and try and make you feel you have won this wonderful prize.

He’s not a prize he is a grown man who can’t house himself.

Bet his parents are gutted.

Do not let him move back in.

He wasn't the one, tight fisted and obviously not very committed if he just walked out over one row, or were there lots of rows?

If he lived with you, why did you need him to text you more? That's stuff you worry about in the early stages of dating. I think the problem is that you moved him in before you knew him and skipped the stage where you get to know each other. You don't need to settle for someone unsuitable just so you can say you've got someone.

You felt insecure in the relationship and he wasn’t committed to meeting your needs. The idea you had of him forming a loving family unit with you and your son was a fantasy. You need to grieve that. Eventually the feelings will pass. I hope you can build yourself up before looking for another man as you are at risk of further exploitation. Jumping from man to man may also be a way to avoid the grief over losing access to your son. Can you afford therapy?