Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Navigating life after affair

6 replies

Indogswetrust · 10/03/2026 14:29

I would love some positive stories.
Found out just after Christmas that my husband had a 7 month affair in the past year. We have been together for 25 years, i am in my 50's with 2 children at uni and one of 15. I was completely blindsided, and as we are still living together not able to really address moving on. We will tell the children we are separating after my daughters finals, and he will move out so we can have some space.
I cant seem to get my head round someone who i have been with for so many years can betray not just me, but the entire family in such a selfish way. It is very much about him, and how he has been looking for validation, but i just think another weak man who cant see the positives of what he does have, Its very frustrating that i dont think i will get the apology and closure that i deserve.
I am managing ok, booked holiday with friends and keeping myself active and busy. I am lucky as have an amazing group of friends and work colleagues who are keeping me relatively sane, but jesus, its the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. Any words of wisdom wise women...

OP posts:
Mysticguru · 10/03/2026 14:38

Moment by moment
It'll hurt until you accept it
Then you'll rebuild
Put your mental health first
Get out in nature as much as possible
And breathe

MyMilchick · 10/03/2026 14:52

Not been through this myself but my mother has and my only advice really is to allow yourself the time to grieve the relationship, you have to go through it to get over it and be able to let it go so it doesn't eat you up inside.

Catza · 10/03/2026 17:36

You don't need his apology or closure. You know that nothing in this situation is a reflection on you and you don't need his acknowledgement of how he hurt you in order to feel validated in your pain. Don't give him this power.

It's a shitty situation but you will get through it. He needs to leave so that you can start healing. Nothing is really going to move forward while he is still in the house which is why it feels so hopeless at the moment. Hang in there x

S0j0urn4r · 10/03/2026 17:36

One day at a time. Get legal advice.

DaisyDoodler · 10/03/2026 18:24

Agree with PP re one day at a time. It will hurt like hell at first, and there is little point in looking for answers as you won’t possibly comprehend his rationale as it’s something you would never have done. It’s that has changed him now into someone you won’t feel like you even know. But one day, it will hurt a little less, and then a little less again, and further still until one day you may even be glad you got a new lease of life and freedom and independence without having to settle for less. That day will be a while off yet though. Don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself all the time and grace that you need to heal from this hurt.

Menopants · 10/03/2026 18:45

You will be fine. In fact better than fine but you have to walk through the fire first.i would just throw him out tbh there is never a good time. Take care

New posts on this thread. Refresh page