does anyone else find motherhood has made them lonelier than ever?

[mrsshackleton]

Feeling very right now and need to vent a bit
I've always been a very popular person, had tons of friends and they've been very important to me.
But now have two dds, 3 and 1, work four days a week from home and my friendships seem to be unravelling at the speed of light.
A lot of it is fitting in neither camp, because I work from home have no work mates and have little time to cultivate mummy mates (have absolutely no idea how you do that anyway as have no practice and find the whole idea of nobbling other mums v scary). Am in London and old friends usually live too far away to see easily with small kids - it can take an hour and a half to get to them and then you have to turn back. The answer might be to go out a bit in the evenings but I am exhausted, dd2 is an early riser and if I'm not in bed by 10 at the latest I really struggle the next day so that puts a huge dampener on things. Basically I feel very lonely to the point where I am wondering if I'm getting depressed. I keep looking forward to a point in the future when dd2 sleeps a bit more and I might be able to have some kind of social life again but that could be three or four years away! Anyway, just wondering if others feel the same and if this is an inevitable part of motherhood for some or if I am doing something wrong, in which case advice very welcome! Am normally such a happy person, so am finding this hard

MrsS I am feeling for you. I moved away from all my friends when ds1 was about 15 months and became a sahm. I tried the toddler groups but as you say all friendships were well established and there seemed to be no room for newbies.

I then had ds2 and felt lonlier than ever. No baby group would allow a toddler

Fortunately ds1 then started preschool aged 3 1/4. I made friends with Mums on the school gate but again most worked full time, those that worked part-time used their spare time to blitz their house and there were very few sahms.

My boys are now 5 and 2 and I have a nice set of friends, some who work part-time and those who work full time I see in the evening. All of whom I met on the school gate. This includes a few Mums whose children aren't even in the same class as my ds1. As you start talking to one they in turn talk to someone else and the chain is formed.

If you have a partner who is home at a reasonable time (my Dh is home for 6pm) then could he look after your two and you could then go out and enjoy a few hours in someone elses company and still be home for a reasonable time?

I know it is exhausting, but the effort for a bit of me time is worth it.

I also go to see by best friend (I sound like an 8 year old when I say that!) and have a weekend at her house, no children, they are left in the very capable hands of my Dh.

How about doing something like Avon/Bettaware in the early evenings? You can take your DC with you and not only does it bring in a few quid but you end up getting to know people locally, including ones who have DC around your age.

I work too! BUt I am off on Fridays - if you want to meet at weekend happy to do so but generally people with DH's arent interested so I don't suggest.

How does bringing dc work for selling Avon? My DC would run riot unless I practically sat on them the whole time, whinging about being bored rest of the time....

Answer to Q. in OP is yes for me, mostly because I have no time for anything but family duties.

Loads of sympathy from me as well.

I know how it feels to be lonely, especially if you've always been a sociable person!
Don't have many recommendations, as I was in a totally different situation... I'd try to hook up with the sw mumsnetters

Madamez, good idea Avon but not for me, I'm exhausted with one job, couldn't cope at all with another evening one. I do have friends (she protests) am just too knackered to see them in the evenings, though I think I am just going to have to become an amphetamines addict to make myself .
Kew, would love to meet you one weekend as you sound lovely and I hate all that "I only do stuff with my dh at weekends" crap but sadly not around for seemingly endless weekends now as we are travelling up and down the country for virtually non-stop weddings and christenings followed by summer hols. Will try to get to an evening meet up in meantime! Talilac, loads of good advice, thank you

Ohhh how weird is this?

My maiden name was Shackleton and lived in SW London (born and bred) too!
Sorry for crashing the thread MrsS.

You are welcome, esp because that could have been me writing only a couple of months ago.

I got so miserable my DH insisted on my booking some nights out with old friends. He almost had to push me out the door, I was so reluctant to go (tiredness!). But he was right, it did really help my mood.