Does 'the one' actually exist?

[Eesha]

Just thinking about this. I never used to think it did but when I was with a previous partner, I fell head over heels. It was so much more than anything I felt before. But it didn't work out, so is there another 'one' out there? Or is there just one.

Yes there is, but not the one you're alluding to.

No. This is Disney stuff it’s a bs made up concept.

No. Obviously not - out of billions of people in the world, we'd never meet our "one".
But we meet someone we like, and we convince ourselves.
Oh, and by the way, there's also no such thing as "soulmates"!

No I don’t.
8b people on the planet and there’s just one single person for each of us and they just so happen to be living close by and of an acceptable age and they happen to be ready to settle down at the exact same moment as you, twaddle.

‘The one’ does exist, but he or she is not the one you feel passionately in love with, and the passion lasts for a lifetime of harmonious mutual adoration. That’s the Disney daydream.

’The one’ is the person who is equally committed to partnership with you where you both value each other, you both care for and support each other, you are both willing and able to compromise to achieve something that works for both of you. It takes work and commitment - from both of you - to be ‘the one’.

Pretty much this.

to add: it’s mostly about both partners being considerate, reasonable, compatible and willing to compromise - and generally nice people.

plus what @Aparecium said.

And sexual connection that doesn’t wither on the vine.

My DP is "the one" I have chosen to make my life with. Thirty years we have been together. We spent our youth, we raised a family. How could there ever be another?

Of course "the one" doesn't exist. There's a good 7 billion people on the planet. If there was only one person in all the world that was right for you then the chances of anyone meeting their "one" would be infinitesimal. You're down the local pub on a Friday night randomly hoping that you'll bump into your soulmate, while they're sat in a Saki bar in Japan hoping the same thing.

Although, given the time difference in that scenario, you'd probably have to be sat in a Wetherspoons at 8am for you both to be pining simultaneously, in which case you've got bigger problems with your life than meeting your soulmate.

Sorry, I digress. There is no one, there is no soulmate. There's millions and millions people in the world who you could spend the rest of your life blissfully with. Most of them you'll never even meet. Of the ones you do, most of them you'll meet at the wrong time, when one of you is in a relationship. Or you'll be in the wrong mood, or they'll be in a rush, and you'll barely have a conversation with them. Or you'll get two dates in and one of you will have a brainfart and say something stupid, or you'll have something else going on in your life that means you can't focus on them enough.

"The one" isn't the problem, it's meeting one of the millions in precisely the right circumstances that's the difficult bit.

But lets say your DP didn't exist, or a different choice in his early life meant he grew up thousands of miles away from you and you never met. Do you honestly believe there's no chance you could have had an equally happy life with someone else?

He's the "one" you chose, but he's not the only one who could have existed, surely?

Yes

Ive been with my partner nearly 6 months and the sexual chemistry/connection is just as strong as it was in the beginning. If not stronger.

I'm not so sure you know?!

I came out of a horrendous 20 year relationship with my ex. Had two children together.

I knew exactly what I didn't want from a relationship/man during that relationship and afterwards.

DH is the only guy I went on a date with. Was on POF (going back 12 years now). I just used to block the twats/ones holding a fish they'd caught/or posing on a motorcycle. I wasn't actively pursuing 'the one' or anything like that, just looking casually.

I call it cosmic as my DH had been on POF himself, had de-registered for a while because of finding it too much hassle, rejoined this one particular night and 'found me'. We messaged (it was a Wednesday), met on the Friday evening, knew each other was 'the one' almost straight away, fell in love and married 7 months later.

He is 100% the one. 😍

No, I don't think so.

There are people you have very strong sexual chemistry with which can be mistaken for true love or falling "head over heels", but isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

Then there are people who you are very compatible with and have shared values and goals, which is something that you can usually recognise quite early on. There is no-one who is PERFECT for you, it's a case of deciding how far from perfect is good enough to make you happy long term.

Absolutely! I may have confused matters by putting scare-quotes in my first sentence. Without them perhaps my meaning is more clear. See also the Tim Minchin video I posted earlier!

No its not enough to substain but i couldnt be in a relationship with no sexual chemistry. You do need it imo

You need to find someone who you are compatible with on multiple levels, including sexual if you are going to be happy long term.

I agree!

Six whole months? Cricket!!

I hope there’s many more than just ‘the one’ … if not than I’m going to kick myself for letting her get away (we were both young-ish and lived too far away from each other to give it a serious go).
The epitome of the right person, wrong time theory.

I absolutely love and adore my husband. He's loving, clever, gorgeous, funny, kind, thoughtful and generous. I knew after our first date that I wanted to marry him. Ever since we met I haven't had the smallest inkling of doubt that he was my future, and the person I would spend the remainder of his or my life with.

But... if the various stars that led to us meeting hadn't aligned and I never knew him, would I have been alone forever? Probably not. I think I'd have met someone else, loved them deeply, and had a happy life with them. I'm not so uniquely special or unusual that only one man in the universe could suit me, and vice versa.

My ‘soulmate’ did terrible things to me and others. In hindsight ‘the one’ was me trying to repeat my childhood were I finally pleased an unpleasant man into being nice on account of me being a nice an all. Spoiler alert. If it feels supernatural and fated I’d put money on you having some unresolved trauma. Fantasy is a remnant of emotional neglect.

Yeah it faded a lot sooner with past exs.

"The one" is a made-up construct vaguely believable by young kids. There is just absolutely no reasonable way of explaining why we'd be designed this way.
As a man who is happily married for a while, love my wife as a person, a friend, and a woman, we love each others' company, we raise our kids best way we can, our sex life is absolutely amazing - Nope, There is no way "the one" exists.

Those who found "the one" - they were just lucky enough to be born in such close proximity to go to the same school/workplace/exist in the same town, etc etc? That is highly unlikely...I guess those whose one true soulmate was born in the middle of Australia, and they themselves were somewhere in central Europe can just chalk it up to bad luck.

I never believed in these notions that make us just be puppets of something that is out of our control... I think the notion that we are together with my wife because we actively choose to every day is way stronger when it comes to love, than us being together because it was "written in the stars"

https://open.spotify.com/track/05FgZdqxXg40X0WG8MmWMA?si=LsJeLVgcT-aOaO2DgE4LDg

I wrote the song two hours before we met
I didn't know your name or what you looked like yet
Oh, I could have stayed at home and gone to bed
I could have gone to see a film instead
You might have changed your mind and seen your friends
Life could have been very different but then
Something changed

Do you believe that there's someone up above?
And does he have a timetable directing acts of love?
Why did I write this song on that one day?
Why did you touch my hand and softly say
"Stop asking questions that don't matter anyway
Just give us a kiss to celebrate here today"
Something changed

When we woke up that morning we had no way of knowing
That in a matter of hours we'd change the way we were going
Where would I be now, where would I be now if we'd never met?
Would I be singing this song to someone else instead?
I don't know but like you just said
Something changed

There are many "Imago matches " for any given person.