What can I do about my sister?

[ChristinaF]

My mother, who died 3 years ago was a very difficult woman who encouraged me from a very young age to give in to my sister. I grew up to let people bully me and my sister grew up to be a bully. I am now 55 and my sister is 53. I have tried over the years to put boundaries in place but my sister has always trampled over them. My friends who have known me a long time have memories of her being incredibly rude to me when we were teenagers. I married an abusive man, it was what I was used to! I am now divorced and trying to put healthy relationships in place.

About a year ago I visited my sister and she was so rude to me I realised I couldn’t take it any more. Once she realised that I had stopped contact she reached out and I tried to explain why I was upset but she made it all about her (just like my ex husband). Today she has reached out again but she says I have hurt her. I think she’s looking for me to apologise. She just won’t listen. What can I do?

Ignore her. Keep your boundaries firm and either repeat what you said to her before, or ignore her.

Is there any reason why you need to keep her in your lif, other than guilt/sense of duty?

Thank you! No reason to stay in touch. It just seems sad but I am not optimistic about things changing at this point. She’s much more interested in being right than in repairing the relationship. Sadly I think the behaviours are too ingrained to change.

She won't change. Protect yourself

Block her and stay non-contact.

I have with a family member and it’s revolutionary to know that I’m not going to wake up to any unpleasant, gaslighting messages.

Block and ignore. You’ve wasted 53 years of your 55 dancing to her tune. Don’t waste another day more. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you need to put up with their bullshit. I haven’t spoken to my brother since 2000, 26 years now. Don’t even know where he lives. Not an ounce of regret.

Thank you! I think that’s the thing. Her way of treating me is ingrained. My new partner could not believe how rude she was and it really brought home how unacceptable it is.