dating another single parent?

[LittleBeaux]

just something i was wondering, if you are a single parent do you prefer to date another parent or not? a few years ago i would have said i would prefer not to date another parent just for various reasons (not overly keen on other people’s kids/ annoying exes to deal with etc), but now i’m a bit older i think another parent might be a better choice? i have a friend who is a single parent whose dating a single dad and things seem to be working really well and the kids adore each other. they are currently off on a holiday together and seem to be a really nice blended family. what do other single parents prefer?

I’m a solo parent (no other parent involved) to 3 and have only been dating men without kids. I had a first date with a man who has an 8yr old today and it really wasn’t great. I had tried to look past it (I missed he had a child on his bio) but blended family is not something I’m looking for, nor is listening about someone’s kid. I don’t talk about mine on dates :/

It is v hypocritical on paper but it’s just not for me. I guess I am looking for fun rather than a life partner right now, so this may be a factor. I like my family unit just me and the kids and no matter what happens re dating and seriousness of another person I won’t be introducing them or involving them in our family life. The two are very separate for me!

ah im not looking for fun i want a serious relationship so i am thinking ahead i guess 😂

It seems so hypocritical of a single parent to not date other single parents but it all depends of the individual really. I know single parents who have very much stepped into the step-parent role with multiple children
however, I just don’t think I can do that . I love my own ds more than anything but I’m not and never have been hugely comfortable around children I don’t know. That’s just the way I am .

I’m not ready to date but I think I’d be looking for men without children . they will be in theory more flexible . Trying to find someone who matches co parenting patterns would be half the battle .

There is no way to know which is better.

I'm a single.mum, and ex does about 6 hours on a Sunday, so ds is with me 7 nights a week. I dated a single dad for a few years and it worked, or so I thought. His dd was 8 years older than my ds. We saw each other at home, went to lunch, got occasional baby sitters for evenings out. All good humoured and happy.
Then his dd reached 17, got a boyfriend & a car and suddenly didn't want to be with her df any more.

He then sent me an email saying that if I wanted our relationship to progress, I "needed to get rid of" my ds half the time. 😳 And then was stunned and furious when I refused. He seriously thought I would dump my ds on his father where he wasn't wanted. 🙄

After that, I stopped dating anyone, until ds was old enough to be left for an evening, and I haven't brought anyone to our home since. Maybe I will after ds goes to uni.

Men can be (and often are) selfish morons regardless of whether they are parents or not.

There’s a lot of different factors involved and I don’t think there’s a simple yes / no answer (at least for me anyhow).

I co-parent a toddler and at this stage (and as a male in his early 40s), my preference is for them to either have no children or to have one of a similar age.

I maybe wrong but feel if their child(ren) are much older than they’re probably at a slightly different stage of life, and might be more difficult to ‘blend’ families later on… ultimately though my priority is to find someone who I connect with and can make a lot of happy memories with. What we think we want isn’t necessarily best for us.

Good point about the age thing, my kids are older so I don’t think I would have much in common with someone with a toddler so yeah would probably want to date someone with similar age kids.

I think once you get to a certain age it’s probably much harder to find someone without children

That’s crazy I thought a single father would be more understanding!

I was separated for almost a year when I met DP (now it’s a MN ‘what do I call him because we don’t live together but feel far too mature to call him my “boyfriend”!’). I tried OLD. I found most men without DC either wanted them - I was over 40 with previously fertility issues so not happening for me - or didn’t want them when I have a DC in tow. DP has DC from a previous marriage. We are long distance (thanks to OLD ‘here’s someone a bit further afield than your search’ but he’s the one I fell for!). We fell into a pattern of seeing each other EOW without the DC and meeting occasionally with the DC. DD has stopped going to her Dad’s so now I’m with her and DP comes here and every so often DD stays with my family so I can go to him. We won’t be rushing to blend families, would be a big upheaval with one of us moving plus the other parent on both sides has already done this and we feel it’s too much for the DC. We’d like to move in together and get married eventually but for now, it works as it is.
Dating with DC is tricky and needs to be carefully considered but it’s not impossible with the right person.

yes that’s another thing i don’t want anymore children so a man without them is likely to want them and if he doesn’t he probably isn’t going to be keen on dating a woman with children if he doesn’t want any!

Didn’t work for me as he had 100% custody so no time, and mine were older. So depends on their situation.

i have my kids 100% of the time but they are older so can be left for a few hours, i think i’d prefer a RP father for that reason though they are harder to find! think i’ve decided a single father would be better just purely because i don’t want anymore kids 😂

How old are your friend’s kids? I think it’s much easier to blend 2 random primary age kids than 2 teens and I suspect that the 2 primary age kids could quickly fall out as secondary age kids.

I would date either but my firm boundary would be no cohabiting until the kids left home. Overnights and holidays - fine but I think that separate homes would provide the space to do stuff with their parent too. I would want to disrupt any kids lives because of an adult relationship.

definitely will never live with a man so that’s no a worry, they don’t live together but are very much a couple and spend a lot of time together, her kids is 9 and his is 4.

Dating another single parent means that you're less likely to face rejection. I know and have spoken to many others who have had male interest only for that to end when they announce that they have children.

I always thought it I'd prefer to date another single parent as they'd understand how life works when you have children. There'd not be unrealistic expectations.
But it completely depends on what kind of dad they are. As we know from these boards, there are a hell of a lot of single dads who are completely shiftless and there's a reason their ex-wives got rid of them 🤣
But when it works, it works. I've been dating a single dad for almost two years now and it's definitely a positive thing. He has his kids full time and is an engaged and dedicated parent. It's actually a really attractive quality. He's very understanding and supportive of me as a parent. We are older and our children are older (older teens) so that does make a difference too.

I think in a way the reason why I didn’t want to date a single dad is the mum? How have people found the exes? I worry about dealing with a nightmare ex, mine isnt involved so no ex to deal with? Thats why I think I would prefer a resident dad

But if you think of the reasons why someone would become a resident dad, usually that means the mum is too unwell or unstable to cope with the kids and that brings its own problems.

My ex isnt involved because he is unwell and unstable but he is no problem at all.

Mine is 17 now and I wouldn't bother with anyone under that age. Firstly, I'm not built to deal with most people's children and secondly, I wouldn't spend my empty-nest years dealing with childcare restrictions
Guess that's a no then.

I wouldn’t, it’s complicated enough dating no without throwing other kids into the mix. I wouldn’t want my kids having to manage the dynamics. I splIt with exh when I was 26, DDs were 3+5. Initially my plan was to keep my dating life seperate which I did for a few years then I met dh and felt he could bring something to my DDs life’s but it was very much their choice as well as mine. I wouldn’t have continued the relationship if they hadn’t got on with him and wanted to get to know him. Extra kids would have made it all even more complicated

Does he want any children of his own?

To begin with I dated both, but I found that men my age without DC really didn’t understand and were at a completely different life stage to me. For example I could only meet up every other weekend and they quickly got fed up of that. In the end I decided to only date people with DC. It was also that I knew I didn’t want anymore children but I wanted someone who liked / understood having kids around.

When I met DH it was tricky at first as we had to try and sync up when we were child-free, but we managed it! It helped that our kids were a similar age. We introduced them very gradually, now they are late teens and have grown up together.

I did have a friend who ended up breaking up with someone because their kids just didn’t get along and she couldn’t see it working long term. So that is something to bear in mind.

I guess that could be something to worry about but then my own kids dont get on and hate each other 🤣 i think I will immediately rule out any men with babies or toddlers though! I waited until mine were older to date so dont personally want anyone with a young child, think kids that are similar age to my own would be best

We had ds after we had been together 8 years. I’d originally said I didn’t want anymore had a change of heart in my late thirties (bloody hormones)