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Original poster

Late diagnosis of ASD in forties and my relationships

27 replies

99problems9 · 07/03/2026 09:50

Hi. I got diagnosed recently in my early 40s with ASD. I was really enthusiastic throughout the whole process of finding out who I really am. But now I am sad. I don’t think I have one relationship in my life where I feel myself in. I am surrounded by an ND family but none of them wanted a diagnosis and all deny it. They view me as seeking trouble. I’ve had narcissistic relationships and narc friends and now have very little because I don’t trust my judgment.

Has anyone else been in this situation? My life suddenly feels empty. I can’t decide if this is because it doesn’t align with me anymore but the past version who was just trying to fit in.

OP posts:
Original poster
99problems9 · 07/03/2026 11:32

Pineapplesunshine · 07/03/2026 11:20

I’m sorry that it sounds like you’re having a tough time of it.

The one thing that occurs to me as I read your thread - and occurs to me when I read threads where people have a similar diagnosis in the context of a family that does not feel supportive - is that if you are ND and you suspect that your parents / other family members are also ND, it is perhaps understandable that you may have different perspectives and struggle to see and understand each others perspectives? There has obviously been evolution in how ND is seen over the last generation or so, which impacts things, but also if your parents / family members mask and struggle with social relations and you have been brought up doing the same, it is understandable that it might not be easy for your family to accept that you are yourself evolving and it maybe challenging for them to evolve with you, especially if the strategies and practices they have put in place in terms of masking have helped them survive in a world which was traditionally less sympathetic to ND. I hope that makes sense and isn’t offensive - in my family there are various NDs and I see that some family members find it particularly difficult to see each others perspectives and support each other and ironically these are the most similar family members (they cannot see this) and this is part of the reason their relationship dynamic is so complex. As others have said, the only person whose responses you can really affect are yours - it sounds like you’ve sought a diagnosis for good reasons around your children and that you might be able to use your diagnosis to help you understand and connect with your children, which is really positive. Perhaps in relation to other family members, if you think they are ND, but they do not want a diagnosis, try to consider why that might be - what might they be frightened of - and consider, if they had a diagnosis, how that might impact your behaviour towards them and whether there is anything you might helpfully implement to improve your relations even without a diagnosis. I am suggesting this not because it should be on you to make allowances for your family, but because it sounds like you are finding your family’s response difficult and so it might be helpful to think about how the relationship might move forward. Please ignore this if it feels unhelpful. Wishing you the best.

Yes my family have no need to adapt as they have the mask down to a t and it works for them, they are very camouflaged. But they only have surface level relationships and I guess that works for them but not for me.
Well I say it works but it doesn’t really if you look on the outside. Lots of over working, lots of solitude and disconnect and no value for how people actually feel. It’s crap and it’s why I want different for my family going forward. I do accept that that they are what they are but I do need support from somewhere. I just don’t know where from and with people who are good and not all the narcs and bad ones I seem to attract.

OP posts:
Original poster
99problems9 · 07/03/2026 11:33

There is a saying I found that my family are built to survive and do so very well, but I want to thrive not just survive anymore.

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