Not sure I want to be married anymore.

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I love my DH a lot, but he’s so hard work. He has depression and anxiety and was on medication but stopped a few months ago without telling me and I figured out he had by his moods.

he works 12 hour shifts and I work when he’s off.

He is never happy, he makes little digs at me all the time and just seems to cause arguments and then blames me if I retaliate.

Today he left for work 2 hours early after I said he was lazy because I had came home to the house a mess and him being at home. He’s turned his phone off and I won’t hear from him again all night (night shift).

He is supposed to be dropping me and our eldest and my niece off tomorrow in the next city but he texted me to tell me he isn’t anymore.

our youngest has autism and she would absolutely not cope if we break up but I’m so depressed and feel so unloved. It’s a horrible feeling to think your husband is depressed and hates his life because of me and the kids.

I don’t have any money, an horrific credit score and nothing to move out with.

house was bought when I was pregnant 10 years ago but is in his name.

I just don’t know what to do anymore

You know exactly what you need to do.

You've married so do have some legal protection which is a good thing.

Don't take responsibility for your husband's "depression".

Lots of other poster will give you good practical advice I am sure. Good luck, Op.

His treatment of you is horrible.

For whatever reason, he chose to stop the treatment that might have made a positive difference.

You are closest to him, so he takes out his unhappiness on you. It's not your duty as his wife to tolerate such mistreatment.

You mention staying because of your DC with autism. When do you get to put your own peace of mind first?

You are still entitled to half of everything he has plus maintenance for your kids. Get rid and get what you’re entitled to, plus whatever benefits you get for your son, you will probably be better off

Your son will also probably be more settled in a calm home without an angry prick in it

I think being honest, once you start feeling like this, without any engagement from him to improve one day you'll wake up and just be done.

so right now I'd be getting ducks all swimming the same direction for a future escape. So look at why your credit rating is rubbish, can you pay down any debt, if you don't drive learn etc. do stuff now that makes future single you much happier. You may find with a focus and a plan you can ignore him a little bit more and if you decide to not leave for various reasons you will have made your life easier anyway.

Your youngest although will find it difficult, it can't be a walk in tbe park with a depressed dad and walking on egg shells either.

My friend with autistic dc thought the same as you.
She, and they, have thrived not living with an abusive, pathetic manchild.

Some great replies.

OP you deserve so much more than this. I felt your sadness when you wrote you felt so unloved.
You can absolutely build an amazing life for yourself away from this horrible man. He is bringing nothing good to your life.
Have a look at sites like entitledto.co.uk to find out what you would be entitled to claim on your own (you might be surprised) and moneysavingexpert have an fantastic debt forum. Lots of people in the same situation getting themselves out of debt.
Please look into what you can claim and you're entitled to half the house. It doesn't matter if your name isn't on the deeds you're married.
xx

Sorry to hear about the soul-destroying situation @AmusedLemonFatball , it must be hard. One thing you didn't mention in your post. Did you talk about how you feel with him? Did you discuss how his behaviour is making you feel, why he is the way he is, and importantly: How he feels about it? If the answer is no, I'd definitely do it, that will help your decision, too. Think about it - if the penny drops for him, and he improves things, that is great. If he is being faced by the reality of how he is behaving, and the damage he does, and he couldn't care less, or if he is too comfortable to care, then there you have it - that would give you even more of a push. Speaking of talking things through, counselling/therapy could be useful on this front.. But that depends on his willingness again.

Regarding separation - Absolutely valid to feel this way. But don't forget, staying together just for kids is not worth it. It normalises an environment where adults are not happy, that is what your children would absorb being normalised, and could replicate it in their adult lives, for example. You would not advise them to stay in a relationship where they are treated like that, either, as grownups, right?

As others have said before me - You do know what to do. We all have the one life to live. You can't live like this, waste your life with this horrible setup.

Oh I think you know what to do.