Spidery senses

[notallthere9175]

Several yrs ago my husband went out with some else for a few hours. It was all played down by both of them and we have moved on.
We particularly feel in a pretty good place now but it has come to my attention by someone we both know that they spotted him this week and about six weeks ago in a residential area of our town I know from what this person said same house as last time. I didn’t react just said something casual to this person we both know. This area is not where lady he went out with before ago lives.
We have been getting on so well and I am not going to ask him yet just try and find out somehow myself why he’s there. Last time I went in all guns blazing instead of sitting back and watching. I just feel very deflated today as something feels off now.
Also a few weeks ago he changed his last seen on WhatsApp and online after we had a really nice weekend. I didn’t react ask him and he just said he wanted privacy from work colleagues always knowing when he online and expecting answer immediately. That made sense but did make me feel uneasy. We have been together along time and both know each others patterns.
What does everyone think?
Is there anyway I can find out who lives there without starting an argument as I don’t want him to think I was spying on him. ReI want to have my facts right before I say anything.
Am I overthinking? I never used to worry and after last situation I do worry a lot but keep it in mainly as I love him, overall we have a good life so not sure?
For context we have trip away planned, we have been doing improvements to our home. So all feels weird.

You don't trust him OP.

And with good reason as he has form for being deceitful and having a wandering eye.

And you want to spy on him without him knowing you are spying on him so you are being deceitful too.

If you can't sit down and have an open conversation about what is going on your relationship sounds dead in the water anyway

Do you location share with each other?
Do you know where this house is, could you go and see who comes in/ out. That’s what I’d probably do if I was suspicious.

I have built my trust back up and we have felt in a really good place.
I agree with what you wrote but don’t want to ask him yet even though I respect your advice.
How do I find out who lives somewhere without knocking on their door?
I know everything you say is right and I am aware of this but still want to know what I’m dealing with totally before I say anything this time. I want to do things my way and in my own time.

I do and he does not hide location. I thought about this.

You say you've both moved on and things are good, but you haven't really. You still don't trust him and probably with good reason.

I would just casually tell him that X saw him the other day in this location and see what he says. There could well be an innocent explanation but I think you'll be able to tell from his reaction if he's being shifty.

There are 2 schools of thought about this on MN usually. One is, you must openly speak to him immediately and never snoop or covertly monitor otherwise trust is gone and the relationship is over anyway. The other is, keep your powder dry, don’t question him, gather whatever info you can from phone etc and don’t confront until you have evidence because they just lie otherwise. I guess you need to choose your approach. With his previous form for sneaking, i would probably choose the latter this time.

To be honest OP, in this case I would sit tight and try and get a look at his phone one evening. If you tell him he will be cautious and deleting any evidence.

It feels sad as we have been together along time and very happy. I have felt incredibly happy especially last year or so and doing lots, planning lots so this will be a real gut punch if anything is untoward as I was not expecting it. He also knew how davastated I was after previous indiscretion. Long story but I was in a bad place. I vowed then because he knew how bad I was that if anything like this occurred again I was done. I know I have to stick to that too otherwise I am treating myself with no respect but I’m not going to lie it would be heartbreaking for me as this is a very long relationship😢

This is what I’m going do

if you know the address then they may be on the public electoral roll at the library.

When you say your husband went out with someone for a few hours, what does that mean? Did they go to the pub for a drink as friends, out for a meal, or met up for a shag? I assume you knew nothing about it until afterwards?

I'd also like to know what 'went out with someone ' means my husband regular goes out with other people are you using a euphemism fit shagging in which case stop minimising you're fooling no one. Or was it grabbing a coffee with a mate or a full on tinder date. You need to be honest with yourself.

Several yrs ago my husband went out with some else for a few hours. It was all played down by both of them and we have moved on

What does this mean? did he cheat?

The same person saying they have seen him twice at the residential location could very possibly be trying to tell you something.

For them to even clock the 6 week time interval is very astute.

If I was you, I would keep my powder dry and do some careful sleuth work. You even know the house which is a huge advantage.