Struggling a lot with a longstanding issue - sorry this will seem like a pity post but it’s a mental block I just can’t get past atm. My stepdad has been in my life for 30+years,
didn’t know my real dad from young. My mum died a few years ago and things have spiralled since then suffice to say I would always have been the first in the queue to say my stepdad thought of me as his own but not any more and it is so hard to deal with. I am a SP and have needed help several times in last couple of years and he refuses - help is to do with time and money..my kids have additional needs, im alone with them and struggle to makes ends meet despite working a lot as hard to manage on solo income. Dad is retired and wealthy, he has no tact and regularly bemoans having time and money on his hands. I am not kidding. It is bizarre to me for a parent to not help their child in need, and yes I have made it clear I am in need which has been friends advice to say it upfront - im talking not having anywhere to stay because rats invaded my home and he refused to let me crash at his with my kids..sadly I have a lot of examples and the ‘No’s have been extremely hurtful
and confusing. As lovely hearted as they are, friends can’t understand why a parent wouldn’t help their child when they need it..And now I can’t understand this either I feel
like blinkers have been removed and I’m seeing all my past more clearly and it really hurts me. Like massively, and it is making me
realise I was brought up to not expect any help from others because both my parents were like this. I even married a man who was like this and it left me so stranded financially,
emotionally, and practically that in the end I had to end the marriage. I feel this set up with my parents put me on such a bad road in life with choosing rubbish partners and I basically just feel sorry for my past self and full of regret, living in the past and hopelessly wishing things had been different. I have never been like this before! Have not been stuck in a sad loop about past, have been to counselling a lot and used to feeling more balanced than this even when looking hard past things in the eye.
My point really is I’ve felt I’ve had no choice but to go low contact with my dad but it eats away at me. He doesn’t appear to be bothered at all. Weeks will pass if I don’t send a text and I still get nothing from him. Yet on the surface you would think it is happy families - he seems to not register at all that anything is amiss.
does anyone have experience of going low contact and the emotional side of this? Did it get better? How did you push on with it when you got stuck in a loop Of wishing things were different? also, does anyone have experience of seeing parental relationships in a new light, perhaps after bereavement? Or of parents who are pretty self-centred which left you feeling hurt and emotionally/practically in a void and all the confusion that comes
with that as it goes against the grain (of how I support my own kids for
instance)? TIA and thanks for reading