Married but trying living apart

[hopeful2026]

I have 3 dc and dh has 1dc.
At the start of our relationship things were amazing but over time cracks started to show. Never about our love for each other but blending family issues. Sc ended up not liking me and one of my dc struggled with my dh.
A few months ago we split up and he left our family home. We tired no contact but we can’t stop being drawn to each other.
We know that living together isn’t right for the children at the moment so we have decided to try staying together but living apart. Dh now lives 30 minutes away from me (longer for him on the bus as he doesn’t drive).

I’m just curious if anybody else has made this work.
Or any couples that date like this long term.

Why doesn't your child like him? Why doesn't SC like you? Unless you resolve that, do you think the relationship will work long term?

My eldest is 16 so in a few years she wants to leave home. She supports our relationship just didn’t like living with him. Just a clash in personalties.

sc is 8 and wanted parents back together. Nothing sinister to it really.

Dp and I are currently living apart and maintaining a relationship after living together didn’t work (7 children between us!).
Mine were ok ish about it but his are older and couldn’t accept the changes (two of them are asd). So we’re biding our time and he lives about 40 minutes away near to them.
I’ll be honest it’s not ideal, we often end up bickering and falling out over our frustrations at the situation, but it’s only been a few months so we’re all adjusting.

I don't have personal experience but I have so much respect for you both putting your children first. Too many people force their kids into messy blended family situations.

I really hope it works out for you.

How long have you been together in total and how long living together?

I think it can work if you both agree on parameters, such as handling finances, when you see each other with and without all the children. If it's your house and you are paying the mortgage solo first he still financially benefit long-term?

For example - if he spends most of his time at your house are you worst of both worlds, all the expense of 2 homes and no benefit to the children.

“Hivernal · Today 08:48
I don't have personal experience but I have so much respect for you both putting your children first. Too many people force their kids into messy blended family situations.
I really hope it works out for you.”

@Hivernal has nailed it. This with bells on. You have both acted really sensibly and responsibly. That bodes well for the future.

Me and my dp are engaged but told our dc we wouldn’t move in together unless and until, they are happy with that. My 15 dd likes him but doesn’t want to live with him so we see each other 2/3 times a week and live 45 minutes apart. I’m quite happy to continue with this for as long as necessary, although I have a rough idea of moving in together when dd is about to finish uni, roughly in about 5 years time.

I’m a teacher and see so many children forced to live with step parents they don’t really like. I promised my dc I would never
do that when I divorced (and ex dp has done the same).

How long have you been living together?

This sounds like a good solution to your kids not blending with spouses. Rather than live in resentment, their wants and needs are respected while the two of you continue your romantic relationship. If you are ok with not having some space in your togetherness, you can make it work.

Thank you for so many helpful responses and so many encouraging ones.
we have been together 4 years and lived together for 3.5 years. I know we probably rushed at the start but we are working on changing things.

Hi. Does Anyone have any experience of living apart but together and co parenting? Any hints and tips or lived experiences ? I’m not looking for any negative chat. Trust me , I’ve gone through it all in my head at 4am so good advice or constructive criticism only please .
2 kids , 2 years apart 4& 6 yo. Well adjusted beautiful human beings .
Partner is 13 years older and we met later in life .
living together doesn’t work but we love our family and each other
live within 5 miles of each other and been doing this arrangement for a while but kids are of age where we need to clarify how this works long term etc
kids great relationship with dad and me and with me most of the time and in our house . Dads house is more of holiday house / fun times etc and dad comes to me every morning to do kids drop off for school as his work allows whilst I have to travel for mine .
it really works for us but need help normalisng this as I know it is unusual . Thanks and questions welcome

Sorry OP I jumped on your post as I thought I was doing my own one . First time on this forum . I apologies . I’ve really not understood the form !