Alcohol

[Susue999]

I rarely drink in the week but Friday and Saturday I often have maybe 3 glasses of wine at home. I am with my partner and kids but he doesn’t drink. In your opinions is this problematic? It has been mentioned numerous times by my partner.

It is probably 1.5 - 2 bottles over the 2 nights and then I guess maybe finish the bottle on the Sunday night. So in fact as I now realise it’s actually 3 nights of drinking. I don’t know it’s hard because I feel society can be quite anti alcohol now. I spoke to my partner and he says he worries about how much I drink and I said that maybe I do but that without it I would feel quite bored as he often watches different things on tv/his phone then me anyway.

If you’re bored without alcohol then that is a problem. That means you’re relying on it to mask a discomfort (boredom/loneliness) instead of making changes to make your life more interesting or enjoyable.

In this post alone I can see you want your partner to pay more attention to you and spend more quality time together but also that you rely on him or alcohol to entertain you. You need to tell him ‘ok I won’t drink on Fridays but then I want to spend actual quality time together’. And on other days, if bored, pick up a book, a craft, a new hobby instead of wine that is just numbing your nervous system.

When alcohol is your only fun / happiness that is a slippery slope. 2 bottles of wine a weekend isn’t the end of the world - though it is more than the NHS recommended amounts - but it’s what the habit tells you about your life that matters. And it tells me that you’re unhappy and unsatisfied with your life as it is.

I gave up drinking years ago and you’re so right about drinkers being boring.

A couple of red flags here.
You now say it's over 3 nights, making it seem less bad than over two nights, and you say you'd be bored without it citing your partner being on his phone as the issue, in doing so, justifying your drinking to yourself.
How do you know he isn't mindlessly scrolling because he's bored too, and it's not like he can do anything with you when all you want to do is sit in the house and drink wine? Maybe that's unfair, but I think you have some early warning signs that you shouldn't ignore.
You and your partner need to do something to make your lives together more enjoyable, it sounds like you're in a bit of a rut.

Good point. 125 and 250 are a lot different. In fact you can get these mad glasses that look like they could hold a bottle?!

I found using smaller glasses help me reduce my alcohol. It's still psychologically a glass, but obviously less damaging.

Yeah…this is definitely a problem. You’re using alcohol as a crutch, you’re minimising it and that is a very slippery slope.

Yeah, I got some small glasses so when I pour ~100 ml for myself, which is all I want now I'm ancient, it doesn't look measly, like it would in one one those big goblets.

3 glasses of wine per day over two days makes 14 units of standard wine.....
Which we all know is the max recommended per week.
2 bottles is up to 20 units..which isnt. Or back to 14 for the lower alcohol end of normally produced wines.
20 units for a petite 4'9" person is a lot.
For a 6' 2" or 200lb+ larger framed or well padded person, not so much.

Then theres what people say they drink, and what they actually drink. Thats about 1:2 ratio.

If you are unwell on it, it dominates your thinking, you are lying to yourself, it causes you social problems, its making you unwell, its possibly a problem. You can test this by not drinking for a month and see if you sleep better, look better, feel less foggy etc.
It won't do you any harm to have a month off and if you spend most of your evenings sober anyway, whats the difference?

If that sounds " boring" or challenging or you feel defensive about it.. maybe its really worth trying.
Then you'll actually know what your relationship with alcohol is. No self deception.

That sounds like a good plan. I'm afraid I'm not quite as restrained as you though! 😀 X

I’m not sure what else I would do if I didn’t drink on those nights

This and drinking 20 units a week sounds problematic to me.
But as with every single thread ever about alcohol, perspectives vary wildly depending on your own experience.

this thread is making me think becasue my DH drinks maybe a bottle of wine a night and more at the weekend. I dont drink really - maybe one glass per weekend. I hate drinking in the house becasue my Dad was an alcoholic

Wow, your DH has a drink problem. He’s probably an alcoholic.

I don’t think 2 bottles a week is a huge problem. I drink less than 1, on the weekend too. Maybe a glass a night, two on one of those nights.

yes - I only thought about it after I went into psychosis which tore our lives apart and caused me t loose everythign. in therapy they were discussing our marriage and I reflected on this not being good. I dont know. im at such an utterly rock bottom place with othing at all. I built a beautiful life and I lost everything. it didnt bother me before my breakdwon. I never even mentioned it to him.

2 bottles is maybe a bit much, try cutting down to making 1 bottle last the week. But no, it doesn't sound like a problem.

if no consequences then nope. He sounds an arse and it is more worrying that you have said you watch seperate things are bored with him

LTB 🤷🏾‍♀️