What do you think it is worse?

[Vg89]

My husband and I are still living together for the sake of our daughter, but I am completely done with the relationship.
A week before half term, we were with a few friends when he suddenly told our three-year-old daughter that he was going to find her a stepmum. That made me cry — not because I care if he finds a new girlfriend, but because of the impact those words could have on our daughter. This is not the first time he has said something like that to her.
Our daughter is turning four next month. He asked me to design her birthday card, which I did — twice. Both times he said it wasn’t nice enough and wanted a different theme. After spending time and effort on it, I got frustrated and told him to “fuck off” in a message. His reply was disgusting. He then took a screenshot of my message and said he would use it as court evidence. He keeps saying that my words to him are worse than what he said to our daughter.
For context, I am the one who takes care of all our daughter’s daily needs — showers, cooking, bedtime routines, clothes, everything. I also take her abroad to see my family. Meanwhile, during half terms he travels the world with his friends — last half term he went to Dubai, and at Christmas he went to Los Angeles.
What do you think?

He has done an absolute number on you if you believe him for a second that telling him to fuck off (deservedly so) is worse than telling a toddler he will find her a stepmother. Outrageous, poor child.

Living together is going to do your daughter more harm than good. Are you in the UK, as in, can you contact Women's Aid?

In the meantime, go make and decorate a beautiful card, with 'fuck off [husband]' on the front and frame it for when you're in your own place.

I can't see how your daughter is going to benefit more living in this toxic environment than how her life would be if you split up. That's insane. What a sad situation, you deserve to be happy. How long would you stay together for her sake? Until she's eighteen? Split up whilst she's young enough to forget. He's got no respect for you and he's out of order to say that to your daughter. What an idiot. He's threatening you, move out, you can be happier than this!!! You'll look back and think why did I stay so long. What example are you setting your daughter? Not a healthy one for sure.

Seriously, move out.

How does it help your daughter to grow up in this environment?

Definitely move out and start divorce proceedings.

You are living together for the sake of your daughter?
That's not really working, is it. Leave. She'll be better off. As will you.

My husband and I are still living together for the sake of our daughter
Neither you nor your daughter benefit from this arrangement. Sounds like like the arsehole ex husband benefits the most.

he suddenly told our three-year-old daughter that he was going to find her a step-mum
This is likely. He needs a replacement care-giver immediately as he wont be the one doing it.

Our daughter is turning four next month. He asked me to design her birthday card, which I did — twice.
Why would you do this once? Why would you do it twice? Who benefits from him messing you around? Your daughter didn't. You didnt. It is him again. The thief of your time and effort.

I got frustrated and told him to “fuck off” in a message. In future, save this for his face.

His reply was disgusting. He then took a screenshot of my message and said he would use it as court evidence.
You also have a screenshot of his response to you for your records.

He keeps saying that my words to him are worse than what he said to our daughter.
You are both adults living in a ridiculous situation you created yourselves. She is a child he is manipulating.

I am the one who takes care of all our daughter’s daily needs
Which is why he will immediately start interviewing for the position of nanny with a fanny.

You need to immediately change your living arrangements and sort out parenting arrangements. Suggest week on, week off.

I think you need to leave. This isn't the relationship you want your daughter to grow up seeing. You and your daughter will be much better off away from him.

He sounds vile, you and your daughter will not benefit from being in this environment. Teach her good things, not accepting bad behaviour.

Don't be sad for the whole time you are parenting like this, your child will accept this behaviour as being ok. Do you want her to be another generation who takes on this type of relationship.

Whatever grievance one has with a spouse, dragging the child, especially such a young one is such a low blow and a disgusting step to take.. No regard to her feelings, emotional well-being, etc. Leave, and leave as soon as you can, before he does more damage to both you and your daughter.