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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lone parents and relationships

8 replies

supercali77 · 26/02/2026 16:44

Not sure where to post this so I'm posting here. Quick background is i used to be in a 50/50 coparenting situation with my dd (now 11), met my partner. All good. However the coparent is...not great. There isn't a better word for it. So contact reduced and reduced and has now ceased. Her choice. My dd also has medical issues, epilepsy and autism. So im a completely solo parent who works full time and deals with appts and whatever else without anyone to really ...help?. I dont live near family. Have freinds who have their own kids and families, they sometimes help out. Me and partner can't move in together as he has his dd 50/50 and lives 40 mins away. Both kids ND so wouldn't be ideal to mix them anyway.

Basically hit a point where we barely see one another, last week it was an hours cup of tea on an evening. Occasionally he or I will work through at one another's houses or hell stay over for the odd evening. We've been doing it like this for months now and if we have a disagreement or argument it ends up drawn out and difficult bevause most of our comms is over text by necessity. I dont know what to do. Nor does he. Weve done everything we can logistically. We've been together almost 6 years. I dont want to just jack it in but nor do I have a solution. Also despite having good freinds I feel really isolated in this experience. The responsibility and pressure of doing it alone while working is really hard. Harder than I imagined. Logistically, physically (I'm menopausal), emotionally. I was never a crier and i average at least twice a week now.

Maybe I'm just looking for a place to moan and vent. I tried to find local FB groups for single mums but they appear to be pretty dead. It's like a never ending hamster wheel of work, cook, wash, collapse into bed. Maybe someone who's been through this can offer a ray of light?

OP posts:
Thegrassroots26 · 26/02/2026 19:28

It is relentless! I’ve two dds who are older teens now and been doing it 7 years since separation and divorce. Haven’t managed to meet anyone else. It’s lonely hard and exhausting. Glimmers of ok moments, but mostly just feel I’m ’getting Through life’ not a whole lot of living or joy happening. Would love to find a partner, but refuse to go online.
it’s not easy. I guess you make it work if it’s the right relationship, but with all the extra challenges thrown in it can be tough as you’re finding.

Thegrassroots26 · 26/02/2026 19:30

How come your partner lives so far? I think that is a big challenge because not being able to communicate face to face is tough.

supercali77 · 27/02/2026 08:18

@Thegrassroots26 yes exactly it's the relentless nature of it that has started to wear me down. We met online, and 40 mins wasn't ideal but doable when I was doing more like 50/50, not sustainable now but neither of us can move atm

OP posts:
TheThingOnTheIce · 27/02/2026 08:24

I was 50:50 when I met my now ex which like you has also changed now. I think I just have to come to terms with being alone now. I have no family help either and don’t know anyone else in my situation in real life .

supercali77 · 27/02/2026 08:28

@TheThingOnTheIce im sorry you're in the same position :( it's so isolating...if you dont mind me asking was it the lack of time a reason for them being an ex?

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 27/02/2026 08:31

You say your partner has his DD 50/50 but why can't he come over to you a little bit more in the week? 40 mins away isn't too bad a distance. Also re comms in between times can't you chat on the phone with him instead of always texting?

TheThingOnTheIce · 27/02/2026 08:34

No he had no kids and lived round the corner . My issue is now I have no time to meet anyone else .

supercali77 · 27/02/2026 10:40

@Seaoftroubles yeah we're working up to him coming here more (taking it slow so my dd adjusts to the change...weve so far managed to keep the children 90% seperate to our relationship. That felt sensible given their nature's but now feels like we should probably have adjusted them more)

As for the comms, yeah I think more pgone calls is better, we do try during the day but he can't always talk on the phone re work, whereas I wfh so it's more possible

OP posts:
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