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Original poster

TW I don't know what to make of this

38 replies

Lavendill · 26/02/2026 10:41

Very out of the blue and out of character. Yesterday, after putting the kids to bed, me and DH were cooking something together and he was standing behind me. He put his arm around my neck and began to jokingly mimic as if he was choking me. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable and I instantly called him out on it. I asked him what the hell he was doing and not to simulate trying to kill me. He said it wasn't that and it's how you put someone to sleep.

Now thinking about it today, I feel really weird about it. He has never ever done anything like this before. Should I take this as a massive red flag? I don't want to make a scene out of nothing but it was just so unlike him and odd that's it's left me feeling unnerved.

OP posts:
TheOchreJoker · 26/02/2026 13:35

Lavendill · 26/02/2026 11:03

Prior to this a couple of days ago we had an argument and he came up to me when I was in the bathroom and cornered me up against the sink holding down my arms. I told him to let go and I must have asked 3 times before he did. He didn't leave bruises or anything. He said he did it because he was trying to ground me and I was working myself up but I don't quite understand in what world physically restraining someone and blocking them, whether it was unintentional or not, is the best way to achieve that.

I guess maybes that why I'm more sensitive about this "playful act" days later

You need to take this must more seriously, this man is not safe. Do not dismiss your gut instinct, it's trying to warn you.

Please let family or friends know what is happening, this kind of behaviour doesn't go away, it escalates.

Dery · 26/02/2026 14:40

This is all very troubling. He’s got strange ideas about men constraining women. Sounds like he’s been listening to some dangerous manosphere material.

ImDoneOnceAndForAll2 · 26/02/2026 14:54

How long have you been together?
It sounds like maybe his true self is coming through
The 2 incidents combined would concern me alot

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/02/2026 15:14

sprigatito · 26/02/2026 11:11

So he is in fact escalating. You’re not safe. Please don’t ignore your instincts!

Show quote history

Sadly this is it !
what age are the kids op @Lavendill

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/02/2026 15:16

Tillow4ever · 26/02/2026 11:25

Are these 2 incidents hand on heart completely new, changed behaviour? If someone had told you a year ago that he would do that to you, would you have laughed in their face and told them not to be ridiculous, or could you have seen it as being a possibility?

If definitely new and changed behaviour, I would talk to him and ask him if he would he prepared to go to the doctor and talk about this change because you are concerned it could be an indication that there is something wrong with him. If he refuses, I would he prepared to leave in case next time he decides to do that to one of the kids.

If you realise that actually it’s a boiling frog situation and his behaviour has been slowly getting worse, I would leave. Abusers don’t start out as abusive - they win you over with their charm and love. This sounds like it is borderline abusive, but I’d need the full picture to know if it’s just him ramping things up or if it was something medically wrong. If it had been one incident, I might have been included to think he was being stupid.

I do wonder if he watches porn with choking and restraints in it and he wants to do that to you. I would make it very, very clear that you do not consent to being choked under any circumstances.

Edited

Yes via txt

category12 · 26/02/2026 15:32

Lavendill · 26/02/2026 11:03

Prior to this a couple of days ago we had an argument and he came up to me when I was in the bathroom and cornered me up against the sink holding down my arms. I told him to let go and I must have asked 3 times before he did. He didn't leave bruises or anything. He said he did it because he was trying to ground me and I was working myself up but I don't quite understand in what world physically restraining someone and blocking them, whether it was unintentional or not, is the best way to achieve that.

I guess maybes that why I'm more sensitive about this "playful act" days later

He's escalating physically towards you, pretending it's in fun or to calm you.

It's not, he's testing your boundaries and rehearsing, as pp put it. What explanations will you swallow, how much will you tolerate, how much can he get away with and normalise in your relationship.

I bet he's controlling or emotionally abusive in other ways that are creeping up too.

MyMilchick · 26/02/2026 15:33

Lavendill · 26/02/2026 11:03

Prior to this a couple of days ago we had an argument and he came up to me when I was in the bathroom and cornered me up against the sink holding down my arms. I told him to let go and I must have asked 3 times before he did. He didn't leave bruises or anything. He said he did it because he was trying to ground me and I was working myself up but I don't quite understand in what world physically restraining someone and blocking them, whether it was unintentional or not, is the best way to achieve that.

I guess maybes that why I'm more sensitive about this "playful act" days later

Your OP coupled with this would make me worry, you're married with kids so presumably have been together a number of years, you say it's out of character so that is strange that these 2 incidents happened so close together. I'd be wondering what has changed lately hhhmmm

Viviennemary · 26/02/2026 15:42

ShawnaMacallister · 26/02/2026 10:53

He's your husband and never done anything like this before. I assume you know him pretty well? I wouldn't assume it's a red flag, massive or otherwise, without further evidence.

Of course it's a massive red flag. It hardly takes any pressure to kill somebody when you block their airways.

KimuraTan · 26/02/2026 16:18

Is he in law enforcement or recently started wrestling/jiujitsu?

OSupergran · 01/03/2026 19:02

How are you OP? Have you looked at your options?

Bonkers1966 · 01/03/2026 19:07

Andrew Tate talks a lot about choking out women. You might want to do a bit of sly digging in case hubby is heading down the manosphere rabbit hole. At least you will be prepared if you have more info. Stay safe 🙏

outerspacepotato · 01/03/2026 19:23

Get away ASAP and report the restraint and being blocked from leaving and putting you in a chokehold to the police.

He is a danger to you. This is extremely serious.

These are physical assaults and the chokehold could easily kill you. You need to have your airway assessed for damage by your GP. Let them know he's restrained you and choked you in a 3 day span.

MrsBenevolent · 01/03/2026 19:38

"Grounding you because you were getting worked up"¿?????

Wtf?

OP, please do as you've been advised and see your GP for one thing. Massive red flags here and I smell Andrew Tate.

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