H, my boyfriend of a year and a half and I went on vacation the first week of February. We spent the weekend with his brother, his wife, and their baby. After they put their kid to bed, we had a fun night of drinking in the living room, H and his brother, and their family chaos and mess. We drank a lot. H had 9 beers, we did shots, it was a mess. At like 2 am, we finally went to bed, and unexpectedly, H and I started making out. While tipsy sex is fine, I have recently discovered that I hate having drunk sex, as it makes me feel like I’m not in control. H and I were clearly drunk, but I was fine with us making out. He kept saying, “I want to eat you out,” which I responded with, “You’re drunk.” We kept kissing for a couple of minutes, and then we changed positions. As we were changing positions, I noticed his underwear was off. I was livid. H never ever takes his underwear off when we are intimate, unless he is showering or we are about to have sex. He even puts them on right after we have sex, too. If I told him no to sex, why would he take his underwear off? I told him, “We could be making out for three hours, and that still means I don’t want to have sex.” I was upset because that feels like basic consent, which I don't feel like explaining to a 24-year-old grown-ass man. We were both drunk. But then, 5 minutes later, he throws a drunken FIT, he says, “What the f*. I just wanted to make out with you!” And i said “then why did you take your underwear off?” And he said, “Because I assumed you changed your mind.” And that pissed me off because that’s not consent. Thats him (falsely) thinking I’d change my mind. At that moment, I felt like a toy for him, and for the first time in our year-and-a-half relationship, I almost felt scared of him. He eventually slept on the couch, but the rest of the trip was awful. I was engaging and having fun with his family, but when we were alone, i didn’t speak to him. H's brother eventually dropped us off at the airport, and he apologized, saying he'd thrown a fit unfairly, which he did, and the reason he threw the fit was that he felt like he was being accused of something he would never do (rape). But honestly, in the moment, I did think it was possible.
He said he violated my trust and said he would do anything to make it up to me. When we got on the plane, he said thank you for putting up with his family, for being kind, and for drinking with them despite our fight. He knew I had a conference the following day, and he Venmoed me 80 dollars to get from the airport to my house. I appreciated it. He texts me every day to have a good day, he's sent me flowers, he's bought me clothes, but I still can’t help but be mad at him for the way he treated me in that moment. It’s been two weeks, and I’m still so mad at him, and progress is non-linear. He is patient. He gives me gifts, and we have had a few dates, and he has not drunk in front of me since, and has told me he does not plan to. We are also not having sex, or having sleepovers, nor do I plan to do so for a minute until I feel completely comfortable to.
He's never ever made me feel this way, and it's a drunken one-off. But I resent him still for crossing a boundary, and I don't know how or where to go from here.