Is it ever ok to contact ex ?

[sillyanddesperate]

I broke up with my boyfriend just over a week ago. I realised we were incompatible after about 4 months together. I feel desperately sad about it because I liked him and was hopeful about a future together.
I really want to contact him just to chat. I don’t want him back. I don’t know how he feels about me but I imagine it’s the same as in he wouldn’t want to get back together. Everyone says no contact but I really want some. Is it always a disaster to make contact in these circumstances?
We are late middle aged if that makes any difference.

Not after a week. Thats just giving him false hope if he wants more

Sending hugs but stay strong and don't contact him. You know you are not compatible and further contact won't help either of you x

He hasn't changed in a week.

Don't contact him.

If he didn’t instigate the break up it would be cruel to contact him a week later.

Just leave him be, maybe in the future you can be friends but not now.

You really shouldn't. If you were close friends before you got together, then maybe possible to get back to that, or at least the point you can both be around mutual friends without it been awkward, but just wanting to chat to an ex is not fair or helpful.

You both need time and space to be able to move on. Don't mess him around

No that will only mess with his head. You’re only thinking about your needs and feelings here, not his. Leave him alone.

No it will delay your healing, you will miss him for a while that’s normal but chat to a friend or find some distractions.

Don't do it just let him be. It's the easy option for a bit of mutual comfort but it confuses and clouds yours and his judgement. It makes the inevitable more painful.

I know you’re all right but it’s very hard.

Delete him quick.

It will just confuse the heck out of him. By the sound of it, it was you who decided to stop the relationship - so, I'd say it could easily even make him think that you are considering getting back together, which would be really misleading and almost cruel. I am not saying that you mean to be cruel, don't get me wrong, but you have just broken up with him, I'd be willing to think it hurt him (natural), so to just contact him after this is almost like prodding a wound. I get that you feel like you need to, but please consider how he might feel.

You’re being totally selfish. It’s rubbing his nose in it to expect him to drop all his feelings and move on as if nothing happened. How long had you been thinking about dumping him? You’ll be days, possibly weeks ahead of him with your headspace in terms of moving on. He possibly didn’t see it coming and really liked you, now you expect him to kill all those feelings so you can feel better about ending it and have his friendship which presumably you miss. You can’t be serious. Massively unreasonable. He’s not a robot. Leave him the hell alone.

Bluntly, if it’s that hard after only four months with a man you realise was a poor match for you, what’s really going on? Don’t you have friends? Were you unusually dependent on him?

It’s too soon after the break up to think about being friends.
I do believe exes can have good friendships, but only after quite a lot of time has passed and feelings have changed and both parties have healed and moved on.
I’d imagine it would be many months down the line.

Don't - it's too soon. I've got a similar issue with my ex and although the circumstances are slightly different, it is not pleasent as the other party.

Dont. Just don’t.

If he’s upset you’ll just be ripping the plaster off and the hurt will start all over again for him.

Conversely do you really want to hear about the nice time hes having without you?

Get yourself out more. Give yourself distractions. Time passing will help.

Be adult about it. Leave him alone.

Leave him alone. That would be really cruel of you.

@sillyanddesperate I'm confused. If you've broken up with him, then why are you saying that you like him? You either want a relationship with someone or you don't.

The fact that you've broken up with him should mean that you dislike him, so why would you want to talk?

shuggles if only life that simple! I do like him a lot but discovered some incompatibilities and that he was not prepared to budge on them at all. This meant for me there could be no long-term future.