Long story, complicated story.
I met my fiance when my middle child was an infant and my oldest was 5. I was lost and in a terrible place. He took all 3 of us in and raised my kids as his own. I noticed from the start that he was very possessive of me. I ended up losing all my friends and soon my family. But he was helping give my kids the life that I didnt have growing up. Then I became pregnant with my 3rd child. 14 years later, we are still in the same situation. But his anger issues, constant outbursts of anger (not necessarily always directed at anyone, but sometimes), constant negativity, he always points out everyone's flaws around us, we have two friends (his friends of course)... everyone else, he has chased away or just talks down upon. My oldest is pretty much out on their own, but middle and youngest have both come to me crying many times over the past few months about how mean dad is, how nothing they do is ever right and how they wish dad could just be happy. So it is now just not impacting me, which brings me to seeking advice on if I need to consider leaving him. I just feel bad because he's raised two children as his own that he didnt have to. I think deep down he is a narcissist and has no idea. YES, I've pointed and talk to him, taken every approach possible on getting through to him and in true narcissistic tendencies, it gets turned around . I am beyond miserable. He works from home and I go to work everyday. He does get the kids up and on the bus, but that is the only household contribution made. But his garage is spotless. And he expects me to go work with him and help him work in the garage with him. Our house at times, it disgusting because I have just given up. Tonight, I had a migraine (which I've been getting often from the stress) but I still had to make dinner and serve him while he sat and eatched TV. I'm not aloud to go do anything without him, hence, no friends. We have annual Christmas parties at work and i can not go. He believes that "It is not normal for a husband and wife to go do anything without the other".
Back history on him- his mother left his father for another man when he was in high-school and ended up taking everything in the house one day while he was at school- he came home to nothing. So there is trauma there. BUT- he is also so much like his mother, it's insane... everything he criticizes about her, he's the same... she wouldn't let him around his dad's side of the family, he wasn't allowed to have friends and do certain things.
He isn't a terrible person, there is good in there, but there is a ton of evil and the evil is wearing on me so much. I am getting older and at this point in my life, I am sick and tired of walking on egg shells and I just want to be happy and have peace. I dont think I will ever find peace being with him.
But he is like clueless that there are problems... as I said before, I've tried so many times to talk, explain, ask for help from him, and I get no where. I'm numb now and I just put on a fake front and sacrifice my feelings, happiness and emotions just to keep the peace.
Oh yeah, another fun fact... even if I were to leave him, I'm in serious debt because he can not manage money. He will tell me 2 days before a shut off notice or when the house payment is 3 months behind and going into foreclosure (he pays house and gas- i pay everything else). So I've fell behind on all of my stuff to help him so my children have a roof over their heads!
WHAT DO I DO????? He is not the counseling type and would never even consider it so that is NOT an option. I've done the whole go or I'm leaving and he said he'd help me pack.