Help Please - I need to leave but so worried

[Scaredandsad1]

Hi everyone,

Ive found myself with a horrible shouty partner. Horrible scene at a family meal at the weekend. Went into the office today and came home and guess what was yelled at. So predictable.

Im going to tell him tomorrow it’s over. I’ll put the house on the market. But my mind keeps going to the worst case scenario (anxiety out of control).

Mainly about the dog (I want her of course but I don’t think he’ll let me have her). And that he’ll make a fuss and be horrible while the house sells.

Ive decided Im going to try for kids alone - shall I just go for it now? It’s a lot with the stress of selling the house but I’m 38 I really don’t want to leave it longer.

Im really scared but I just cannot go on like this.

What happened at the family meal? A partner is meant to support you not yell.

You make sure you, the dog and the kids are ok before doing anything. Take the dog, I’m very much an animal lover.

Only you know what is best but never tread on eggshells that’s no life to live x

Ultimately a dog is an animal. I know how much pets mean to people but your safety and happiness are more important. You absolutely can have dc on your own if you want to.

Is the house in both your names? Who paid for the dog? Sorry things haven't worked out. Is he only verbally abusive or do you feel physically in danger?

Do you have anywhere you can move out to? I’d happily let my friend and her pet live with me in this situation for a while.

Who is the dog’s microchip registered to?
Gather up all relevant paperwork (legal and financial) and make a plan before you speak to your partner.
Talk to a trusted relative or friend beforehand.

you’re doing the right thing. I’d consider ending it in a public place or have someone trusted on hand if you can?

i hope you get to keep your dog. I had to let my dog go when I left my ex. It was really sad but is sometimes what you have to do.

I think I would start the ball rolling but probably not actually start trying for a child while still living together unless it really drags out. The last thing you want is the stress of him/moving etc while early stages of pregnancy.

Who paid for the dog or is it a rescue? Are both names on the house and did you each put down a deposit? Could you buy them out and pay for it yourself? Who does most of the care for the dog?

I had to rehome my dog when my marriage ended and it was devastating. Could you take the dog to a friend's and have them look after it for a bit until you can get sorted? If he's being abusive then can you kick him out and change the locks if your name is on the house?

Can you hide paperwork and ddog with a mate? Say it got out and is missing...
I left my ddog behind as landlord refused pets... It haunted me I had left her with that bastard...

Well done for not staying just so you can have kids with him. To some, it would be tempting but honestly long term nightmare. Go for it having kids alone!!

Good luck OP. You may not feel it but you sound determined. You can do it, leave, take the dog, have kids in your own. As a PP said, can you have a friend or relative waiting outside in case he kicks off? Or sneak the gig out when he’s big there and then come back to end things? Good luck, stay strong!

We both paid for the dog and we both take care of her. So I can’t just sneak her out! Yes house is in both our names and we have a declaration of trust (mostly in favour of me) so I’d get my equity out.

Ive got many places to stay thank god and I could literally just pack up and leave but then what would I do about house viewings etc? How would I arrange those if I wasn’t there? And I’d need to keep paying the mortgage- he couldn’t pay the whole thing alone and I’m not having a mortgage default on my record.

Hard to know what my next steps are. I probs just need to tell him….

I don’t want the house- I’ve honestly been so unhappy here and I don’t think I’d be able to get a mortgage alone. It’s too big for just me 😢 we intended it to be a family home but I fucking hate it here.

So we’d need to sell it.