Apologies in advance because I think some people will be frustrated with the lack of specifics here.
I love my husband very, very much. We’ve been happily married for over twenty years and have a really lovely relationship.
The one issue we’ve had lately is that he’s always been exceptionally private and this is causing some difficulties. We’ve had a really difficult few years (due to life issues, not marriage issues). I won’t go into full detail but he experienced a horrendous bereavement which then resulted in him seeking therapy. The therapist picked up on a lot of things and he was ultimately diagnosed with a neurodivergent condition (which, for anyone who knows him is not a surprise but it’s been a lot for him to come to terms with). This has been going on over the past two years so there’s been a lot.
Due to the nature of the bereavement, the police were involved and there was an inquest, investigation, plus third party involvement. It’s been really hard and he has visible struggled to deal with it.
For the record, I’ve been 100% supportive of the therapy and assessments for diagnosis- I truly believe he’s needed these things. For a very long time, I’ve been asking him to explore the possibility that he is neurodivergent but he resisted it.
A few years ago, he was also hospitalised for depression (which, in hindsight, we now think was ND burnout) and received in-patient care for two months. That was really hard on both of us.
The issue is that he does not want to tell anyone anything personal. Obviously, I know everything, but he doesn’t want anyone else to know. He’s not close to his extended family (he has no immediate family), but I’m very close to mine. We live in a different country to our families so I don’t see mine that often but would speak to parents and siblings very regularly.
So he’s had his diagnosis and, while I respect the fact that it’s his personal and private medical information and he doesn’t have to divulge it to anyone, I find it really hard not being able to be truthful with my family when they ask about our life. When he was hospitalised a few years ago, he wouldn’t let me tell anyone so I essentially ended up constantly lying to my family saying he was working away etc. to account for him not being home when they rang, or asking when we were next visiting etc.
It’s not that I want to tell my family every single thing, but it’d just be nice to have someone to talk to about all of this. While he’s clearly borne the brunt of everything, it’s not been easy for me either.
Obviously, I know I could go to a therapist and pay someone to let me natter on in a confidential environment, but that wouldn’t be the same as being able to rely on my sister or mother.
Just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar?
I have been considering telling my sister and swearing her to secrecy but a) I don’t want to go behind my husband’s back, and b) there’s a risk that she would accidentally say something so I’d never be able to relax.