Progression in relationship

[Pussycat02]

I’ve been with my boyfriend 4 years we both late fifties and everything great has taken a few years to get this way but we have worked through lots of issues , we live 2 hours from each other so only see at weekends and usually it’s me who drives to him as then I can stay till the Monday so gives us longer , I recently spoke to him about Mabe thinking about living together as I miss him during week and feel a natural progression , I felt a real disappointment when he told me he doesn’t want to live with me , he loves me but because he has been married 3 times would prefer not to , I’m so sad has anyone else had this and advice on dealing with this

Yes I agree with you just my future looks diff from how I imagined which is a kick in the teeth

Well, now you have the information, you can decide what to do with it.

So your plan is/was to move yourself into his existing home?

Yes and my daughter would check on my home to keep safe whilst in this trial period

But presumably you never discussed this plan with your boyfriend, or he’d have said no, that wasn’t something he wanted?

I feel I’m in my rights though after all this time to discuss it with him

Of course you are. But is it actually living together he has objected to, or your specific plan to move into his existing home?

Sure, but you’ve been together four years and not discussed it till now, even though you clearly had been thinking about it and planned what you would do about your own house when you moved into his?

Suppose I just was thinking wen it would happen naturally , also been so ill with cancer kinda just wanted to enjoy happy times with him without rocking the boat whilst feeling vulnerable

I mean, I think that is really sensible of him. He’s late 50s and has already been married 3 times. 😳 Unless all those partners tragically died, he doesn’t have the best track record and probably doesn’t need a 4th divorce. 2 hours really isn’t far, but I don’t think a long distance relationship can work unless you’re both on the same page about a life together.

Tbh, after 3 marriages, I think he's absolutely right. Clearly marriage and/or cohabitation don't work for him, for whatever reason. He is just being honest with you, OP. You either accept that this is a more casual or semi-detached relationship (which lots of 50+ people prefer, I find), or you bring it to an end.

I appreciate that, and it will take some adjustment, but it doesn't have to be a kick in the teeth. Yes, different from how you romanticized it, but maybe you will enjoy the autonomy, freedom to do your own thing, enjoy your friends, have control over house guests, house rules etc. And, statistically it is far more likely that men end up with health issues sooner than women, and will need caring. Lots of women enjoy the freedom from the caring cycle - caring for your kids to caring for your parents to caring for your partner. There is (so much) more to life than living with a bloke (especially one who is clear-eyed enough to see reality for what it is)!