Lack of sex in established relationship

[EagerGreenShaker]

For those in an established relationship but have lack of sex, what’s the reason or reasons that you are not having sex often?

Does a partner making it obvious that he’s desperate for sex at night, put you off doing it?

I think most couples have much less sex after a few years together. It's quite normal

We have been married for 30 years. We now have scheduled sex (once a fortnight). It works very well for us. No pressure at any other time. We both enjoy it and we remain physically connected.

Why the leading question at the end?

Yes. Desperation is unattractive and unalluring.

When your partner is desperate it can give you the ick. I think best to schedule once a week until it gets back to normal.

Yes, that would put me off if there was a general lack of interest at any other time.

The way a man expresses his desire for sex can sometimes tip over into "desperation". Beyond that lies resignation and depression.

I think if you're using the term "ick" to describe feelings towards your husband or other long-term partner, you need to have a serious, in-depth conversation with them, or counselling. Lack of sex in an established relationship should not be ignored.

I am very sad: Sex was not on his agenda for many years, then watched porn a lot, then had an (emotional?) affair. Am now too old to find a proper partner and feel I will end my life without any sexual connection.

I, too, am facing this situation, and it makes me desperately sad. But I'm not dead yet, and neither are you.

(I'm male, late 50s.)

My relationship isn’t at all lacking in sex, but my previous relationship was. Sex was very limited in my previous relationship because a) his sex drive was a lot lower than mine, b) he was an alcoholic which gave him ED, c) we had different work patterns and went to bed at different times, d) we weren’t very sexually compatible, as he was very vanilla and I’m not, and e) he was extremely abusive and that, along with his alcoholism, completely stopped me from finding him attractive. But he virtually never wanted sex anyway.

Does a partner making it obvious that he’s desperate for sex at night, put you off doing it?

No, quite the opposite. Being desired by my partner turns me on.

The problem with this that no sex for a week became no sex for a month then a year, then 2 years and it’s soo difficult to tackle that elephant in the room that the relationship just withers
at some point one of you has to do something or make an effort or approach before you move to the housemates situation

Every time a woman posts about an inadequate sex life there seems to be the inevitable male pile on.

Entirely depends on the situation, if there has been mistrust or infidelity then that would likely result in no intimacy, where the sex in a relationship just stops there is usually a reason, someone else is getting their attention, you're shit at it, they are burned out with chores, looking after the kids or working all hours, there are so many reasons but every relationship is different, some people don't even know the reason they just get used to not doing it. You'll have to dig a bit deeper to get your answers.

Surgical menopause after hysterectomy and mastectomy, husband said it was okay and he would sort himself. Fast forward hes upped and left me, destroyed our famiky and sold our home!!
Doesn't want divorce as he will have to share his large military pension.
Foolish man!

Overeating in the evening hence sleepy. Boring, repetitive morning (not showered) on the clock (work) because he needs (morning) relief.

I’m not married now, but when I was, my exH’s general mess, lack of responsibility, gross habits, and moods were all a complete turn-off. Also, marriage legitimised the relationship so much that it lost all its erotic mystery and appeal. I wish I’d read Mating in Captivity - although it wouldn’t have solved the other problems.

Its not the 'desperation' that puts women off. Its realising that your partner will happily have sex with you knowing full well that you don't want to and are not enjoying it.

This is no doubt true of some men. However, I think many men are so clueless that they think PIV feels as good for us as it does for them
despite the clitoris not being located in the vagina, in fact some way from it. And I have yet to meet a man who even realised that women don’t have the same amount of testosterone as women and are therefore less aroused less often. Yes, I’m generalising, but I can’t type out all exceptions to the rule.

They just barrel along thinking that we must love it and want it as much as them.

desperate for sex or desperate for sex with you?
i find men after long term relationships to be very bad at sex...but they try all their tricks but still bad...
losing weight also helped, more flexible etc

OP does not say if he is desperate for sex or for sex with her...