Please can I ask for a hand hold

[Macaroni46]

I’ve just discovered that my partner of 6 years is on bumble and tinder and has been messaging / seeing other women behind my back.
I’ve told him it’s over and bagged up all his stuff (we don’t live together) but I can’t quite get my head around being totally on my own going forwards. I’ve got lots of lovely friends but the DC are grown up and independent. No siblings and live on my own. I know I can’t be with him but it’s hurting so badly.
We got on so well, chatting every day and had lovely holidays and weekends together. He even bought a holiday mobile home thing for us to go to which I loved.
Please help me to be strong.

Handhold here. I’m so sorry.

You will be ok but it must hurt so much right now. Block him on everything and lean on your friends. Going no contact will be best for you.

Would a couple of days off work help?

Easy meals gentle walks and lots of deep breaths.

I’m self employed so if I don’t work I don’t earn but thank you for replying. It’s nice to know there’s someone out there kind enough to stop and write a response to my post.

Definitely go no contact. Delete every message and photo. It sounds harsh but it really does help.

Keep reminding yourself you’re worth more than this, no good will come to any woman that gets involved with him and you have your self respect. Something he hasn’t got. 💐

Gosh, how horrible for you. The sense of betrayal must be immense. Be very kind to yourself, you have discovered who he truly is. What a vile man to do this. Do you have any friends you can reach out to?

I'm so sorry, it must feel like your whole future has been swiped away suddenly.
You will get over it, but I have the deepest sympathy for how you are feeling right now. 💐

You’ll be ok. What a grotbag he is.

How about today you make a plan to do something lovely with a friend over the next week or two and arrange a catchup with your children.

You've had a nasty shock. Xx

I'm so sorry. It's awful for you. But at least you found out what a cheating scumbag he is rather than going on unsuspectingly .Now you can turf him out of your life.

I'm glad you have good friends to help you through. It will get better. Onwards and upwards OP.

Good wishes to you.

Block the fucker. You'll be fine. Just give yourself time and let your friends be there for you.

Buy a punch bag and put a photo of his face on it.
Punch it every time you feel anger.
I did it years ago the photo is long gone but guess who's fit now ME, I really got in to it lol now if I get angry or just pissed off with anything, I punch the bag.
It got me in to working out.

What an utter shitbag he is! His
loss, the dirty bastard.

On a practical note, you’ve had a big shock and it will take some time for your nervous system to settle. That’s ok. Be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through the next few days.

Watch trash TV or a box set. Nothing to emotionally stretching. Comedies on BBC iplayer. Or silly films.

Try to get out for some fresh air if you can. Even a 15 minute walk around the block will do you good.

Get all his stuff out of your home. Block him and don’t give him the chance to wheedle his way back in.

You deserve so much more than him.

Being on your own is absolutely fine. I've been living on my own for nine months now and I absolutely love it. My house is my happy place. Four months ago a large ginger cat showed up on my doorstep and never left. I met loads of new people who make me smile every day, I see my friends couple of weekends a month. I date every now and then.
Similar situation to yours and it was devastating to realise the entire relationship was a lie but thank god it ended. I've never been happier and more excited about my future.

Sending love, 90 days no contact and don't waste another minute on him xxx

Sorry you're going through this.

You will be OK, it just hurts a lot right now.

Lean on your lovely friends and family. Get some plans going to get you through the weekends.

Block him and mourn your memories of the useless shitbag and then be happy you found out now.

He’s a rat

Thank you everyone. I’m very blessed with good friends and as I only really saw him Saturday - Sunday, I already had some social plans in place and I can switch my work around a bit too so I’m more available when certain friends are.
I don’t have much family - two DC who are fully grown and independent and live away and an elderly dad. But I’m sure my DDs will rally round.
I’ve been looking at booking a short break away with the company I used to travel with when I was single before for the dates me and him had planned to go away.

So sorry this happened to you.
In the past when I have had relationships end the thing that has helped me is music! Make 2 playlists- a sad one you can cry to, and a defiant "new life" one that revs you up.

So sorry that this has come as a nasty shock.
If you want to end things with him that is absolutely valid. You will heal and be very happy without him. It takes no contact and time.

Some people do choose to stay with people who have cheated and they have their own reasons for doing so. But I believe the hurt and disappointment stays with them even longer.

Speaking from experience, the treachery is so hard to overcome but I guarantee you will get over this.

It might take months but slowly slowly you will start to feel better. It’s like a bereavement, it’s not linear. The sadness and misery comes in waves but time softens it and one day youll realise you’re getting through it more easily. You will be mourning the future you thought you had with him but if was all a mirage.

Whatever you do dont let him back in your life. He’s a hard core “player” a dyed in the wool cheater.

Stay strong, get more exercise outdoors, lean on your mates, get plenty of rest, think about whether you need an STI test and be glad hes out of your life. 💐 Youll survive. We all do! .

I'm so sorry, to find this out is gut wrenching along with heart breaking. Take things slowly. Change all your bedding and nighttime routines. Spray your room with your favourite perfume. Sleep at night is your best friend. Make sure you are warm, comfortable, smell nice, maybe put some quiet calming music on. Just love yourself. Have you a pet dog or cat? If so make them the centre of your bedtime.

You are the best and finest person in your world. Try to make sure he is not included in your thoughts (this is very very hard). Your loving family and friends are all you need mentally now.

I'm very sad and sorry to hear what you have found out - what a sly cheater, pretending he was this good guy and leading you up the path. He has lied and misrepresented himself.

Have you been through heart break before? I expect so, most do. I learned that constantly going over and over the events and issues, mostly after work when I could run off to be alone and think it through, well it just gave me a headache. No matter how many times I added things up I always came up with the same number, so one night I thought, do I really need to waste tonight on this again? Because wasting that time won't change the numbers I get every time I add it all up.

So when a few weeks have passed and the first bit is over, maybe try to stop going over it and get started on you. x

Cheating disappointing men are buggers xxx

Sorry posted in wrong thread 🙈

What was his response? I guess the positive is it’s a pretty clean cut reason for ending a relationship.
Focus on you and find a project.

That he’s the problem and that I deserve better

He’s 100% right there.