Prime example of the mental load today

[AnnaBegins]

In our house, DH likes to do the laundry. He will tell anyone and everyone how he does all the laundry (he does about 70%). He has his own routines known only to him for when each load should be done.

However, he refuses to read laundry care labels. So I have a system where I separate all the household laundry into 4 separate baskets, from each family member's pile of dirty clothes: darks, lights, brights, and delicates. Yeh I could probably get away without brights, but DD wears a lot of red and yellow. Then he can just pick a basket to "do the laundry". I am the only one allowed to touch delicates, after several expensive mishaps.

We've been skiing for half term and had one bag designated for dirty clothes for the whole family. When we packed up, I reminded DH it wasn't sorted and I would sort it at home. One long drive later, he slings the whole thing in the washing machine whilst I was unpacking upstairs, plus a load of actually clean clothes from one of the cases. White t-shirts, black leggings and t-shirts, red socks, and wool ski socks, all on a hot wash. Luckily I managed to stop the cycle once I realised.

DH is now angry because this undermines his self image of "the laundry one". But I already had to buy new ski socks for the kids this year because he felted them last year. He doesn't do any of the clothes buying or packing for the children. And next year I will need a new holiday system (like 4 dirty laundry bags, or hiding the laundry, or pouncing on it the moment we are through the door) which again is mental load.

All of my friends say I am so lucky because their husbands don't do anything but DH can perform complicated multi step processes at work, but needs me to invisibly lighten his load at home.

Mine does the ironing. Fine, when it comes to duvet covers and his trousers, shirts and t-shirts. Trouble is, he likens my t-shirts to his manly cotton ones. He likes to pull them flat and then iron firmly from side to side. I lost count of the number of my tops he totally ruined by stretching the absolute bejasus out of them so they were wider than they were long, and now he is banned from going anywhere near them.

I am alarmed that you are alarmed. Are you one of those chuck-it-all-in-and-be-damned peeople, who has to lean their whole body weight on the door of the machine to close it because you've overstuffed it?

My DP is forever congratulating himself for doing the washing. Updates me on how many loads he has done.

It’s the easiest job in the house. 🤷‍♀️

He either ups his laundry game or he becomes the toilet polisher instead......

He’s being pathetic. My DH actually does most of the laundry, and he does it properly, he doesn’t need spoon feeding or scaffolding like a child. Because he’s a competent, intelligent adult who does a professional job and can follow simple processes without support.

It’s either weaponised incompetence, or he’s a lot stupider than you think he is.

I got so upset on more than one occasion when my DH kept “doing the washing” aka “ruining my clothes”. I kept asking him not to do my washing but still he persisted. At one point I stuck a note on the washer to tell him NOT to do my washing “.
It’s stopped eventually but I mean how hard is it NOT to do the washing? I just couldn’t understand it.
It was like in his mind he had “done the washing” no matter what state the clothes came out like. So infuriating.
Now he just does his own. Thank God!

That's identical to DH! All the uniform must be done on Sunday even if it's half a load and there's enough in the drawers. I wonder if the to do list is more important than the result.

I'm the main earner, although all money has always been joint, so it hits my pocket hardest. And he refuses - says we all have too many clothes so nothing needs replacing. Until he wants a ski holiday!

You are all correct that it's weaponised incompetence. And yet somehow I am the bad guy for having to sort it out. But I am glad to hear I am not alone in my system of separate loads

Thank you, you've all made me feel a lot less crazy/alone.

Absolutely unbearable behaviour - it's far more considerate to just leave it rather than do it badly. You can clean dirty clothes but you can't un-ruin shrunken knitwear or greyed whites. My dad used to destroy all my knitwear and nice dresses by slinging them into the dryer on an extra hot, extra dry cycle before I could get to them to hang them up.

I separate into darks (a broad category that includes colours); whites and pales; bedding (washed at 40C and tumbled) and towels (washed at 60C and tumbled).

Maybe dye all his underwear pink, felt his favourite ski socks/jumpers and shrink his technical sports kit? The tell him that he has too many clothes etc etc?

I cannot even begin to describe how much posts like this make me hate men

This attitude is just as bad. Why is she responsible for all domestic jobs and allocating them out depending on capability levels? She's not the House Manager...or if she is, then she can be paid the £50k salary that goes with it.

I'd outsource my own clothes to a laundry service. Have them come and collect a bag full and they'll return it washed, ironed and hung up. Same with the kids and he pays half. If he wants to be a dickhead, he can't expect anything other than to be treated like one.

what a tiresome man to be stuck with!

Newsflash - men are entirely capable of getting the laundry right. My dh does a perfect job every time. He also remembers to run the cleaning cycle regularly. He is quite the dab hand and brightening whites too.