Facial Hair Dilemma with Partner

[rollypolly123]

I have been in a relationship for seven years. Aged early 50s, prior to meeting my current partner i very rarely ever had facial hair, with exception of side burns since my teens.

meeting my partner in 2018, she prefers a man with facial hair so I grew it, even though I’ve never been a fan of it.

Over the past seven years, whe my image, weight, etc is a topic of conversation (which is rare) her opinion is consistent.

i’m too thin, not heavy enough. It’s meant seriously but not nastily.

I still have a lingering issue of body image since my teens and such comments dont help in truth. Meanwhile, I have a facia hair which I personally dislike.

Recently, my self esteem etc.. has hit very low and I made a decision to go clean shaven to help perk myself up a bit.

My GF doesn’t like it, and has said she won’t kiss me on the lips, etc.. as she feels like she is kissing a child when kissing a clean shaven man.

I’ve said fine and that’s been approx 1 week now.

Her opinion etc.. won’t change as she’s quite stubborn in general, which I’m not saying is a bad thing.

I’m in a dilemma now as to whether just grow it back even though I dislike it, or maintain my personal preference of my own face.

Not sure wha I’m asking here but I guess it is close t any ladies reading this who may prefer facial stubble,.. the scenario I have described above, what would you do?

I’m normally most conscious of facial hair (thinking I look silly or similar) when in work dealing with clients or contacts etc..

Your body, your face. You have it the way you want. Beards are gross imo anyway

I prefer a partner who is comfortable in themselves and it’s not my place to try to change them. I’m guessing you want to stay with your partner despite her obviously unreasonable demands. So it’s up to you. I know what I’d do if someone wanted to change the way I look and you wouldn’t see me for dust.

OP, she’s being really mean! You shouldn’t be growing body hair that you don’t like. And you are the build that you are. I think you need to stop humouring this nonsense and pull her up on it every single time. There is nothing childlike about kissing a clean shaving man!

You should do what you like with your own face. I am surprised your partner chose you seven years ago when you had no facial hair if her preference is so strong.
I only date men with facial hair. Wouldn't start dating one without and then try to change him. That just seems...unhinged.

I echo the sentiments of the post above. I'm about your age and have been a people pleaser for far too many years of my life, so anyone trying to change me to that level simply would be binned-life is too short. Also; how would she react if you told her how you'd like her to style her hair? I'm in the male grooming industry and honestly, not one of my clients has done anything but laugh and grimace when I pose the question.

Thank you for the comment; appreciated. An example return scenario is the following.

She wears acrylic nails like a lot of ladies too. Personally, I’m not a fan and I have said that natural nails are fine too. In fact I consider them more attractive.

But her opinion is, she doesn’t feel right without them, and other supporting replies for wearing them.

While I dislike them, I’ve never objected to her about their wearing. Also, I’ve never go as far as saying something like, no intimacy while you wear them because I’d get a sensation like you’re not an adult etc..

Fair enough, if her feeling is that kissing a clean shaven man feels like not an adult, okay… Can’t help how someone feels. But, if I was in that position I’d consider some type of therapy or whatever to help me potentially view it differently.

For the record,.. I’d never suggest a therapy to her. It’s her choice what she may or may not want to do.

It’s your face, you get to decide. No ifs, no buts.

If your partner doesn't love you without a beard then, to be honest, she doesn’t love you.

I don’t really like beards, my DH chose to grow one, I’d get used to it. Because I love him not how he looks.

I don’t think you’re with the right person . No-one should make you wrestle with a decision about how you look

You're overthinking this. You have autonomy over your own body. So does she. If you don't like something about the other person, you are both free to leave.

Stick to your guns.

You shouldn't really have grown facial hair to please her in the first place if you don't like it yourself.

Sounds like you need a new girlfriend! If she doesn't accept you as you are, you should walk away.

I’ve been married over 20 years. I’m not that keen on facial hair but my husband grew a beard. I got used to it.

If this was the other way round and a man was insisting on hair being/not being somewhere that the owner of the body part was uncomfortable with, we’d be saying he was controlling. That, along with her comments about your weight are setting off my alarm bells.

women wave red flags too.

I did call to speak with her about a different matter, as I’m away working this next two days.

I did drop into conversation about asking she consider speaking with a friend(s) or a neutral someone or something or some kind. I’d even suggest Chat GPT or Co-Pilot but never mentioned them AI or anything AI as suggested somethings to communicate with.

Her response was still the same, about how she cannot have sex with a clean shaven man as she said she feels like she’s kissing a child, etc..

I did respond and said, what if I was saying an absolute no to the acrylic nails you always wear which I’ve always made clear I dislike but never stood in your way of wearing them if it’s what you really want to do.

Response was, that’s completely different and conversation rolled on with the theme.

Call didn’t last too long after; just a goodbye, chat later..

I don't think you should be with someone who doesn't find you attractive and tells you so.

Needing you to be clean shaven is definitely a her issue, it’s a bit weird, I mean did all her teenage boyfriends have beards? It seems unlikely. Stick to your guns, you need to be happy in your own skin. Be prepared to end the relationship.

Why are you still pandering to this controlling woman who puts you down? Why is it only her preferences that matter in your relationship?

Sorry OP but she sounds vile and you’re being a doormat

I think the relationship is over, as she can’t have a proper conversation about it or compromise. I can imagine feeling the opposite and struggling with someone’s facial hair hurting my skin or seeming unclean. Or just irritatingly scruffy, if it’s ungroomed.
If the bald faced look is a turn off, then you aren’t compatible.

And she has too many opinions about someone else’s body.

I think you know the rub of stubble while kissing for example, isn’t irritating for her, but I think you knew that as I say.

It’s the opposite in terms is the smoothness; I get it, from point of view it’s not a like from her part and if kissing a clean shaven man has thoughts like it’s kissing a child hence a turn off, then also,.. fair enough on that feeling.

However, it should never be at the expense of the other, in this case the person whose face is stubble or otherwise.

I’ve written above, I’ll always had a horrible self-consciousness about my body image which I personally like back to High School. It’s never gone, but it took a big dive in the past fortnight. Since removed the stubble, it is a small boost within myself and personally, I don’t want to let go of that.

I would never insist on a return on anyone like remove your acrylic nails (which I’m not a fan of) or dye your hair ginger or cut it short when it’s long, etc..

Your girlfriend is very controlling and critical about your appearance.

I think part of this is she's negging you to lower your self esteem but a big part here is she's showing her control by making you present yourself in ways you don't like for yourself.

I would have been long gone.

I think your mistake was in growing the facial hair in the first place tbh. I find facial hair incredibly unattractive, would absolutely hate it if my DH grew a beard and would likely refuse to kiss him… but I wouldn’t have started dating him if he had a beard!

She’s abusive. If this was the other way around and a man was saying this to a woman, everyone would be up in arms