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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ending a long marriage.

2 replies

ifwisheswerehorses00 · 19/02/2026 09:27

Hello. I am in a 30 year marriage that has limped along for the last 5 or 6 years. I kept it going for the sake of the kids and keeping them housed with stability while they finished school. The time is fast approaching where I need to hit the detonate button and I am hoping someone here might be able to help information on the next steps.

It is likely that things will end amicably, at least this is the hope.

He used to have a rather nice job so money didn't used to be an issue. He hasn't worked for over a year now and finances are shot. He can't find work, because either his age is against him or people know too much about him. The prospect is grim and I get the feeling he is trying to force us to upsticks by playing this out.

We have a fair few debts outstanding, and I don't think I am aware of them all.

He has a far better pension than me, would it work out that I am able to ask for more than half of whatever comes from the sale of our home? I plan on keeping both (late) teens with me to give them a chance to start off in the workforce without having to pay extortionate rents...So ideally I need to find something bigger than he does.

How much is mediation likely to cost roughly? When I look at local people, I need to submit an interest form which I am not quite ready to do.

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 19/02/2026 09:30

Your pensions are joint assets; throw them into the mix with house equity and shared responsibility debts for the split.

Lennonjingles · 19/02/2026 09:38

How old are the DC, is DH likely to want 50/50 to avoid paying maintenance, especially as he’s not working. How near to retirement is DH and do you know how much his pension is worth, also do you have your own pension. I doubt you will get a better split other than 50/50 of house and pension if he’s not working, but obviously you need legal advice.

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