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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship struggles after baby

28 replies

pinkflower223 · 18/02/2026 19:59

Our baby is 9 months old now, and it’s been awful, constant disagreements, constant arguments, he demands I pay 50% of the bills so whilst looking after our son full time I’m always working full time, self employed running a business, and with that I’m not even making minimum wage and he’s earning triple my income, there’s a lot of messy stuff that has happened within that time also like infidelity that I chose to move on from and I do, that was my choice, but he constantly makes disrespectful comments, like when I’ve mentioned how much I’ve been struggling and would rather find a part time job so I can dedicate the time I have with my son to being fully present, he says well why can’t you find some evening work because what are we gonna do about childcare, bare in mind I’m the one who gets up all night long with him, has him till 5 o’clock everyday then he expects I go to work till god knows, I’m just so disappointed in myself, he used to be so considerate and loving and since finding out I was pregnant with our son has been nothing short or cruel and cold, and I feel trapped because I always end up just letting things go every single time. So I know I need to hold myself accountable for that point.

OP posts:
Beaniebobbins · 19/02/2026 22:14

pinkflower223 · 19/02/2026 13:47

@SalmonOnFinnCrispno we aren’t married, yeah honestly I’m barely scrimping £1000 a month at the moment so every penny I earn goes straight to my half, he earns about £3k a month or just under so that loan covers a good chunk and he also has 4 other cars, and the cheek of it he wants to buy another one the same week we are due to potentially move house, as it’s me expected to pay the deposit and I know it’s my fault and I’m enabling it I truly do know that but on the same hand I’m scared about not having a roof to put over my sons head

It’s not your fault. You don’t “enable” emotional abuse. An abuser take advantage of your innate introspection and self criticism. It is never easy to leave a relationship but imagine life without him, imagine having control of your own money, imagine not facing the criticism, imagine not being told things are your fault, imagine not worrying he is going to say about whatever you do, it would be better wouldn’t it?

bluecoat63 · 20/02/2026 10:18

pinkflower223 · 19/02/2026 13:47

@SalmonOnFinnCrispno we aren’t married, yeah honestly I’m barely scrimping £1000 a month at the moment so every penny I earn goes straight to my half, he earns about £3k a month or just under so that loan covers a good chunk and he also has 4 other cars, and the cheek of it he wants to buy another one the same week we are due to potentially move house, as it’s me expected to pay the deposit and I know it’s my fault and I’m enabling it I truly do know that but on the same hand I’m scared about not having a roof to put over my sons head

it’s really hard to take the first steps. So tough. I’ve been there. Don’t be so hard on yourself- you’ve got a lot going on - and ofc it’s scary.

Agree that you shouldn’t sign the new tenancy.

give yourself more time to think.

biggest thing is to get your head into a new gear and realise what he is doing is not okay and not a good atmosphere for your baby to grow up in.

Also, I know you are dependent on him, but realising that you CAN do this on your own.

Sometimes relationships just reach the end of their life cycle and can’t go any further - hence why you get the same arguments on repeat.

I think the biggest thing is to start… go and see the citizens advice and find out what benefits you would be entitled to, and remember you will get free nursery hours too.

do you have friends/family you can stay with for a while until you can get on your feet?

other option is asking him to leave?
I know this must all sound very extreme but buying all the cars and the 20k sports car is utterly selfish and says a lot about how his priorities and outlook.

OhamIreally · 22/02/2026 07:36

Turn this around OP - he is dependent on you. He is a millstone around your neck. The only dependant you should have is your son.

Don’t sign the new tenancy. If you were my daughter I would scoop you up and help you back onto your feet. Talk to your friends and family about what is going on.

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