Tricky situation

[AmpleHare]

Ok, just need some perspective here as I can’t think my way to a solution. I say dating loosely as I’m not sure what it is but I’ve been seeing a Muslim girl for 14 months now. I’m a non Muslim but we met at work and became close, tale as old as time; nothing to see here. This is where it gets complicated because I love her but her parents will not allow her to see\marry me. So, we are continuing to see each other despite her parents disapproval. Now for the really contentious issue : her parents have found her a prospective husband to which she has agreed to meet with a view of marriage. In the meantime she wants to continue to see me . She says she loves me but I am so confused and am completely unable to gain any clarity on the situation.

I perhaps feel a little used here as I’m fulfilling her needs , as it’s basically just meeting for sex at this point but I can’t let it go. Can anyone help me make this decision easier and provide some perspective?

She is the one that needs to make a decision. Unless she can go against her family's wishes then you are wasting your time I'm afraid.

She's a Muslim, that's what comes first to her I'm afraid. Unless you convert to Islam then you're not going to be with her. But the fact she hasn't asked you to suggests she's happy to marry this other guy.

You probably need to let this one go sadly

Her family has these expectations and it will be really tough on her emotionally when her parents do find her a husband, and you will be left to pick yourself up alone, and feel the way you do now, but perhaps more heavily invested.

It can turn ugly as they feel so strongly on this, and they have made their view clear on what they think of your relationship. I am not sure how old you are, but this will always be an issue.

I was 19 when I had a muslim BF and things were tough, and disjointed, I was not considered as an equal and would have had to change my religious believes. But that was in the late 80´s, so not sure if this has changed at all.

Are you willing to put yourself and her through their disapproval?

I don’t really think it’s right what’s she’s doing, she doesn’t seem to be considering your feelings at all. How does she imagine you feel when she’s met this other guy but still wants to see you. It’s unkind. Stop seeing her and get over her and look for someone else. You can be making some other girl happy. These arranged marriages- frankly it’s 2026 and time to put a stop to it. I’d cut ties with my parents if they’d tried to force me into a marriage. It’s the UK and time to follow UK culture.

Sounds like she’s made it clear that you’re a stopgap. So you just have to ask yourself, are you content to be a stopgap?

How old are you both? I could maybe understand if she’s not ready to confront her parents if she’s late teens/early 20s or your her first relationship.

However, this situation isn’t good for you & you should be with someone who puts you first. You need to stop any kind of friends with benefits/ situationship. Lock it off, give yourself a clear break. Only return to it if she’s willing to be open to her family about your relationship. Otherwise it’s probably not gonna be worth the heartbreak/drama. I’ve seen it happen to plenty of people where they spend 5-10years in relationships & then decide to split up & marry in their own culture to appease their families. It’s less common now but still happens.

I perhaps feel a little used here

She's not using you, any more that you're using her. Presumably you knew there was no future in this relationship, given that she couldn't even introduce you to her parents. She's been honest with you, you know she's meeting prospective husbands.

You're both aware that the relationship isn't long term, and that at most this can only ever be a fling. If she's using you, then equally you're using her.

If this isn't what you want, then end it. Otherwise, just accept it for what it is, a relationship that you have to keep secret with a time limit on it, and enjoy it while you can.

How old are you both?