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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Coparenting with a narcissist

3 replies

Lookingforadvice101234 · 17/02/2026 20:20

My ex split up with me when I was pregnant and has made my life extremely difficult ever since. He had a new partner whilst I was still pregnant.
my baby is now born and 7 months old. Since I was very early days post partum he has been sending me solicitors letters, despite always having had contact with the child. He’s very tactical and never is nasty but his messages / solicitors letters are quietly demanding. He always paints himself as reasonable and that I’m the mad one.
He was very inconsistent at the start and now contact has to take place supervised in the community; he only sees my son for an hour a week. He has been more consistent of late. I feel I am being totally bullied by his solicitor. My ex has always had significant issues with alcohol (including frequent bed wetting due to same) but his solicitor made out I lied about this and my ex has abstained from alcohol of late so that any hair follicle test would not be accurate. My solicitor does refute the things he says, but it is becoming a very expensive argument of “he said, she said.”
given he is seeing my son so little and yet being so demanding via these letters makes me think he’s enjoying using the legal system to get at me, as opposed to actually being committed to having a relationship with his son.
I am finding the stress of all this is taking over my life; I can’t stop worrying about when the next letter is going to arrive. We have not been to court. He keeps demanding we go to mediation but I am afraid; I feel he will tell more lies and I am scared I will react.
has anyone navigated a similar situation and has any advice? I am struggling with it all.

OP posts:
HappyToSmile · 17/02/2026 20:23

What would your ideal outcome be custody wise?

Endofyear · 17/02/2026 23:00

What is he asking for? Is there a reasonable compromise that could be reached? I would agree to mediation - is it possible to take someone with you as support? I would write down what you want to say, including your concerns about his past drinking behaviours and prepare some answers for things you think he may raise in the mediation. Practice with a friend or family member what you want to say and how you can reply to him while keeping your cool. He will try and provoke you but if you prepare for it, you will be able to keep calm. The mediator will have seen it ALL before and will be well aware of manipulation and provocative tactics.

Matchalattecoco · 17/02/2026 23:05

Follow LegallyNik on Instagram she is a lawyer specifically in this area and with her own experience too, so much information on her account and you can also seek advice from her directly.

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